The Goode Family

I don't care what anyone says.

Pierce brosnan was a great james bond.

Oh, my god!

This isn't your vegan dog food.

Oh, you poor boy! You almost ate meat.

I'm so sorry, Che!

Look at him. He's shaking with fear about what he almost did.

Stop slobbering on my leg!

Come here. You can slobber on me. Ahh.

Coupons-- they're like lottery tickets that always win.

Hey, what do you guys say to dinner at Cranky's?

But Cranky's is a barbecue restaurant.

With meat? I hear they don't even serve bread

because it's a distraction. You'll love Cranky's!

Animals have gotten so much more delicious

since you guys last ate one.

Relax, everyone. Cranky's new chili is meatless.

It says so right here.

If a staunch carnivore like Cranky

can add a meatless item to his menu and print a coupon for it,

we need to support him.

Are you sure you wanna go to that place?

His slogan is "I hate you."

He hates me?

Gerald, I don't like it here.

We better open a window.

I think Ubuntu's feeling a little sick

from all the secondhand meat in the air.

What was that?

It is a corn-hog.

Chunks of burger and steak wrapped in bacon,

battered, deep-fried in pig fat

and slathered in barbecue sauce.

Come on, Gerald. Have a bite.

I'll just wait for my meatless chili.

Cranky! How about that meatless chili over here?

The sissy chili will get there when it gets there,

you fat, old maggot!

You zinged him good, Cranky.

Touche!

Cranky, huh? I`m just not seeing it.

So you're the infamous Cranky.

Well, you, sir, are as colorful as advertised.

I hate your creepy little teeth.

If you, um, want to get on his good side,

compliment him on his chili cook-off awards.

He's... Very proud of 'em.

I guess you lesbians think it's funny

that for 23 years,

I've never won a single chili cook-off!

You know what I think's funny?!

Oh, look! The parking lot's got two mommies!

Every year he loses the chili cook-off,

he gets a little crankier.

You know, this place used to be called Jeremy's.

Well, by serving meatless chili, he's a winner in my book.

Let's see how it stacks up against my vegan stew.

This is delicious!

Oh, now you're trying to be funny.

No, I love it.

This chili will win you that blue ribbon for sure.

You have got to tell me your secret.

It's simple, idiot.

It's the special sauce I use to marinate the chicken.

You put meat in your meatless chili?

Not meat, you pinhead - chicken!

But... But... But I haven't eaten meat in 20 years.

Oh, god!

Now that'sfunny!

Captioned by closed captioning services, inc.

The Goode family

Okay, Mr. Goode...

We pumped your stomach and evacuated your intestines.

You're gonna be just fine.

Uh, just remember -

life is precious.

Suicide prevention? Well the doctors wouldn't pump your stomach

just to get chicken out,

so I told them you swallowed a bottle of painkillers.

Good work.

You know, this near-death experience has got me thinking.

I cannot let Cranky get away with this.

Yes! Finally! Some people only understand a good ass-kicking!

I say we stick his head into one of his pots

and give him a chili swirly!

Let's sue him!

With the right jury, we could get seven figures, maybe eight.

We could buy Greenville, burn it to the ground and start over.

No. I'm going to get Cranky

to take the chicken out of his meatless chili.

And he will do that when we change his heart

with patient, compassionate, nonviolent persuasion.

That never works. Gerald--

If Gandhi can get the british out of India,

I can get Cranky to take the chicken out of his chili.

Look, I love Gandhi. You love Gandhi.

Everybody loves Gandhi. Eh, I've seen better.

The point is, he took on the british.

Anybody could have beaten them. It's all "please"

and "thank you very much" with them.

Cranky ain't no brit.

Well, Cranky is a pretty tough character, but don't worry.

He's going to have to answer to my poster board and markers.

Oh, no, honey. Not a protest.

Yes, a protest. Who's with me?

Yeah, right.

Fine. I'll just have to face him mano a mano.

I think he's short one mano.

Ah, thank god you showed up, Penny.

Chants always sound better when you can say "we."

I always wanted to be a crossing guard.

I guess this is as close as I'll ever get.

Number 27!

I got something for you, too.

Oh, my god! You're covered in meat!

Yes, Cranky seems to have started a contest

called "beef darts", and I'm the target.

But I'm clearly getting to him, and that's a good start.

Gerald, enough's enough.

No. I'm going to shower off this meat and au jus

and go right back and keep the pressure on.

Che!

Che!

I can't find Che. I've looked everywhere. He's gone!

Are you sure you didn't make him into your bed again?

That's the first place I look for everything. Okay, Che is lost. Don't worry. We'll find him.

I'll just call your dad and get him to bring the car home

so we can comb the area.

Hello, this is Gerald Goode.

I've gone over my minutes for the month,

so I can't take this call.

I'll get back to you at my earliest--

Okay, your dad is at his protest. He'll be home soon.

Until then, we can make fliers, call shelters.

I mean, how long can he spend at his useless protest

before he just gives in?

What do I want? Chicken out of the meatless chili!

When do I want it? Now!

Who the hell's out here?

Hey, you!

Nobody eats my garbage unless they pay for it!

Now you're gonna pay for it.

Growl at me, will ya?

Nice catch.

Come here.

Here.

Che! Che!

I should've let him lick me.

I licked him too much.

Kids, when we play the blame game, no one wins.

Of course, we could cover a hell of a lot more ground

if your father wasn't a.w.o.l. with our car.

Cranky's. Go to hell.

Oh, hi, Cranky. Um, I think my husband

may be protesting outside your restaurant.

I wonder if you could ask him to come to the phone. Please?

You talking about the weenie?

He is not a weenie.

Say he's a weenie, and I'll put him on.

Okay, my husband is a weenie. Now will you put him on?

Sorry. He left.

But if I see him, I'll tell him you called him a weenie.

Maybe someone found Che.

Hello?

I just found a phone.

So the protest wasn't exactly a slam dunk,

but I have a new idea of how to help change Cranky.

Gerald, we need the car to look for-- hey! Get away from my desk.

Thanks for helping us look for our dog, Ray.

Gerald is... busy.

There's a cat. You want a cat?