Dog with a Blog

Oh sure, just leave that old skin anywhere.

Dirty reptiles.

Stan, I'm bouncing off the walls.

Tomorrow is the first day of school,

and I just want to get there already.

If only I could fast forward through time.

Do what dogs do to skip over the boring parts of life: nap.

That's what I was doing while you were talking just now.

All I heard was, "Stan, I'm bouncing off the..."

Fast forward through time.

I'm too excited to nap.

I'm gonna be a high school freshman.

No!

It should be fresh-woman.

No! Fresh-person.

Consider "fresh-mammal."

It's more inclusive,

while keeping out those dirty reptiles.

I'm pretty stoked that I'm going to be a senior now.

I get the senior discount at the movies

and the early bird special at the diner.

Tyler, that's for senior citizens.

Oh, that's why there are so many old ladies

at my swim aerobics class at the senior center.

Well, I'm still excited about the senior prank

I'm gonna pull on the first day of school.

Wait, aren't senior pranks usually at the end of the year?

Yeah. But if you do it at the end of the year, then you're gone.

You don't get to baste in the glory.

You "bask" in the glory.

You "baste" in the juices of meat.

And even if it weren't a senior citizen center... really?

Swim aerobics?

It's low impact and it's very satisfying being the best one.

And about this basting thing, tell me more about the meaty juices.

Oh, and talk real slow.

Check this out. I've planned the perfect prank.

I'm gonna run the groundskeeper's hose

into the school commons and get everything wet.

Tyler, there's nothing the least bit clever about that.

Right, like you could do better.

Please. I could do so much better.

But pranks are against the rules, so you're on your own.

Fine.

All the puddles. Classic.

No. No, it's not!

If you just ran the hose...

Rules exist for a reason.

Everything will be wet!

Rules are important but so is doing things right!

You just came up with this lame prank on purpose

knowing I wouldn't be able to resist fixing it, didn't you?

Yep, thought of it at the senior center

while I was playing pinochle with Mildred and the girls.

Told you that would work, Stan.

Stan?

Stan, are you in there...

Basting in meaty juices?

Maybe.

As I was basting,

I got to thinking about pranks,

and decided to try one on Robert.

He thought he was reaching for a banana.

Oh, Robert, the look on your face.

It's priceless!

Can you believe it?

We're finally in high school.

I know it's the same commons for high school and middle school,

but it feels so different.

Nothing's different. They haven't even taken the banner down

from three months ago.

"Have a great summer."

I had a lousy one.

No banner's gonna tell me what to do.

Hey, Lindsay, you're not wearing a hat.

You look great. I love the new look.

Yeah. It wasn't intentional.

My hat blew off. I look like a freak!

I need to hide!

So how is everyone?

Well, I'm really excited for fresh-mammal year.

That's a thing I promised somebody I'd try.

Didn't work. Forget it ever happened.

Oh, there's the new principal.

Apparently, he's always eavesdropping on students' conversations.

I heard that.

I listen to you kids to make sure that you're following the rules.

I'm a stickler for rules. Here. Have a "stickler for rules" sticker.

But don't stick them on school property. That's a rule.

You guys ready for the best senior prank ever?

Aren't senior pranks supposed to be...

At the end of the year, yes, but this way I can...

enjoy the glory.

Couldn't remember if it was "bask" or "baste," could you?

No, I could not but I found a workaround.

So the prank is ready to go.

Countdown to awesome!

10... 9...

awesome!

Water slide!

What happened? What's going on?

That's right. Listen up, everybody!

I'm Tyler James. And I did this. Yeah!

I heard that.

Though the way you shouted, even my mom in Tucson heard it.

She called to say, "Get that Tyler James kid."

So I will.

This school has a zero tolerance policy for senior pranks.

You're expelled.

Making you proud, Mama!

Everybody to class! Here we go.

What is going on?

Go ahead. It's your move, boo.

Are they still pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend?

It's developmentally appropriate role-playing at this age.

Like when we make cleaning the house

more fun by pretending to be dust thieves.

That's not role-playing.

That's just you being... super cute.

I don't like that.

I'm going to try again.

Wait, you don't get to go again.

You rolled a seven, you have to move seven.

Tiffany lets me roll until I get a number I like.

Who's Tiffany?

One of my other girlfriends.

One, two, three...

Whoa! Back up.

Three, two, one.

I don't mean back up your piece.

I mean, how many girlfriends do you have?

You have four?

Yes.

You can't have four.

We never said we wouldn't have play dates

with other people.

Where's your bathroom?

I can't believe it, Stan.

He's having play dates with other girls.

What should I do?

Should I break up with him?

I don't know, Chloe.

On the one hand, if you want a committed relationship

and he can't give you that,

then you shouldn't invest time where there's no future.

On the other hand,

you're both eight!

Thanks, Stan.

I think I know what I need to do.

I couldn't find the bathroom,

but I found the banana room.

You mean the kitchen?

Mason, I can't see you anymore.

I'm right here.

No, I can see you

but I just can't be your girlfriend anymore.

I don't understand.

Is it because I peed in your banana room?

No. It's because you have other girlfriends.

And now it's also partly because you peed in my banana room.

Oh, boy.

Honey,

I know something's been bothering you lately.

What is it?

I think my thumbs are shrinking.

Honey, you're just pulling them down.

I'm just giving you a time lapse

of what it's going to look like in a year.

Tell me, Bennett.

Tell me. What do you think?

Tyler! Hey, buddy. How was school today?

Oh, you haven't heard?

Heard what?

How awesome you guys are.

Yeah, I... All I could talk about at school was

how awesome and understanding my parents are.

You got expelled?

How did you get that from awesome and understanding?

The same way we knew that

"I want to grow up to be like both of you" meant...

"The reindeer from the Christmas tree lot

"is tied up in my bedroom."

This was just a fun prank.

And it was nothing like that Blitzen incident.

In this case, no one got scratched by an antler,

stepped on by a hoof, or had their ear viciously nibbled.

Why did he do all those things to me?

Look, this is serious, Tyler.

Getting expelled is the worst punishment you can get.

No, losing your trust is the worst punishment

because you're the greatest parents ever.

You're calling us from jail?

Mom, Dad, don't be so mad at Tyler.

Getting expelled wasn't all his fault.

Oh, really? Whose fault was it?

Mine. It was all my fault.

Tyler, you don't have to do that.

Avery, thanks for trying to help.

But I'm going to have to accept responsibility for this.

Well, I just don't know what to say, Tyler.