Joy Ride

Breaker, breaker one-nine.

Smokey report. We got a bear...

Breaker one-nine.

Any takers. Breaker.

I-40. His 20, mile marker 2-4-3.

Anybody out there? Copy. Over.

Hello?

Lewis.

No!

For the first time I see myself through somebody else's eyes.

Yeah. Yeah. It's completely claustrophobic.

Big surprise. And we're like, "Okay..."

Aren't we supposed to get a hell of a downpour?

- Two hundred mile slipper-slide. - Anybody out there?

Yeah, they had a speed trap set up.

No one ever said freshman year'd go by so fast.

At least Colorado has seasons.

Berkeley's like summer all year.

Yeah. It's late. I'm not keeping you on the phone, am I?

No. No, not at all.

So, what's... You know, what's David doing this summer?

- I don't know. Who cares? - What?

Sorry. I didn't tell you before. I just

felt a little strange, you know?

You what... I don't understand.

We broke up. He...

He's been acting serious and weird.

Serious and weird, how? He was getting all serious and weird?

I mean I told you what he was like, and...

- Wait, hold on. - Lewis, it's 3:00 in the morning.

- I got a final tomorrow. - I'm sorry.

I'll be quieter.

Lewis?

I'm sorry. So, what happened?

He kept looking at me, as if, you know,

he totally thought that he knew me,

which he so obviously didn't.

And he started crying.

Which sort of sealed the deal, you know?

- You made him cry? - I broke up with him.

Wouldn't you cry?

Listen, Venna, you're cute, but you're not that cute.

I was kidding.

Well, I'm not in the mood to go home.

Wish I had a car, then I could

just get there gradually.

Decompress a little bit, you know?

If you had a car, you could stop by Colorado and pick me up.

We could have an adventure. The two of us and a windshield.

- I have a car. - No, you don't.

Yeah. Didn't I tell you?

- No! - Yeah, well, like, I got one.

- Sexy choice. Yeah. - Yeah?

Vintage 1971 Chrysler Newport.

I've changed my plans. I'm no longer flying back.

- I bought a car, so I'm driving. - By yourself?

No. Actually, I was thinkin' about picking up Venna.

Mom?

Sorry. It's... Sorry.

That's great, Lewis.

- What's the matter? - Your brother just called.

He was arrested again. Drunk and disorderly.

- Where, in San Diego? - Salt Lake City.

Don't worry. It's not your problem.

- What did Dad say? - You know your dad.

He didn't even want to talk to Fuller.

Said if he hadn't grown up yet, it was never going to happen.

- Fuller! - I know.

I miss him, too.

Listen, before you start writing anything...

- License, please. Registration. - My brother's in jail.

And I haven't seen him in almost five years.

So, I'm like driving 200 miles out of my way just to help him out.

That U-turn, it was based on a whole, like, good deed scenario.

I'm also writing you up for a broken taillight.

I have one of those?

Look, I'm aware of how frustrating

the prison system in this country must be for you.

Repeat offenders, the unrehabilitated...

I watch American Justice, with your host, Bill Kurtis.

But I'm different. I'm reformed.

You know, I'm strong. I'm...

Officer Wilkins, this is my... Listen, this is my pledge to you.

You will not be seeing me again.

Two strikes are enough for Fuller Thomas.

Hey.

You look tall. Taller than me.

How's it goin'?

Well, a lot better now.

Kid. Hey.

You came all the way to Salt Lake just for me?

Well, technically, you are still my brother.

Hey, this is my brother.

I can't get... Look at you, man!

- Mr. Thomas! - Thank you for coming.

- You're welcome. - Thank you.

- Sign out, please. - You're welcome.

Listen, I'm supposed to be picking up a friend.

And I'm running kind of late, so...

I just, well, I just wanted to see how you're doin'

and take you wherever it was you needed to go

because I sort of need to hit the road.

- Yeah, where are you goin'? - Boulder, Colorado

- and then I'm goin' home. - Oh, perfect.

- Yeah, that's great! - Wait, what?

With the exception of the seat spring piercin' my ass,

this ride's excellent.

So, who's this friend you're pickin' up?

Her name is Venna. She's a friend of mine from back home.

Wait, the blinker? That girl from the Heights?

The one who was like all day long?

No, she's not like that all day. You haven't seen her in years.

Okay. You're fuckin' her?

Well, what question's more legit than that?

- We're just friends, okay? - Okay, you're not fucking her.

- But you want to. - You don't know what you're talking about.

I don't? I don't know what I'm talking about?

All right, here's how it is.

She's always dated guys from the right side of the 'burbs.

You were always left on the sidelines. You get your scholarship to Berkeley.

She's off to the University of Colorado. Right?

You don't understand.

You guys have been talking on the phone a lot

and now she realizes that you have the warm fuzzies for each other.

You're not lettin' on, even though you scrambled and bought this car

just to pick her up.

No, you're still playing the neutered boy "friend"

who's like, always there for her

because you're nice...

What are you doing?

So, you're still good, or need me to drive, or...

No more bullshit small talk.

About me, my relationships, or my car.

Okay.

No, I swear. I'm barely slowing the car in Denver.

I'll give him a seven-mile-an-hour chance to jump and roll.

You did your mom

a big favor, and she's happy now.

And this time tomorrow, you'll be here with me,

and it'll be a whole new level of stress to deal with.

Okay, well, I'm gonna get goin'. I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

- Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. - All right.

- Good-bye. - Good-bye.

Downsizing?

Gas company just lets a talented man like you go?

- Just like that? - Yep.

Well, that sucks. But this job kicks ass?

Got your trailer here, and now you're workin' kind of outside.

You got a view.

- What is this? - C.B. Radio. Olive branch.

- Check it out. - You put a hole in my car.

I talked him down to 40 bucks.

Breaker one-nine, breaker one-nine.

We need a westbound, come on.

You got Black Sheep here ridin' front door with,

Mama's Boy.

We're barrelin' down on ol' Eye-8-Eastaway, just wonderin'

if you could see any bears from your rockin' chair, over.

Roger, you got a 40-mile clear shot, 'cept for Jamestown.

Got yourself a Kojak with a Kodak at 1-8-5.

All right, no cops till Jamestown.

Free to speed like a motherfucker for like the next 40 miles or so.

Aren't we supposed to get a hell of a downpour?

We got a 200-mile slipper-slide. Come on?

Doesn't matter, not from this rocking chair.

Some people like it when it rains.

It's gonna rain hard tonight.

- Keeps everybody inside, you know. - What the hell's with this guy?

Howdy!

You got Black Sheep here, with Mama's Boy. Who we got? Over.

Could I please get a better handle than Mama's Boy?

No.

Yo, Rain Man, what's your 20?

- Hey, can you do a woman's voice? - What?

Do a girl. Say...

"Hey, Black Sheep, this is Miss..."

- No. Forget it. - Come on, man.

You did a girl when we pranked...

- Oh, yeah, Mr. Schramm. - Yeah.

- That was good. - No, I was nine.

That was what I sounded like then.

This is like a prehistoric Internet, or something.

Come on! You fuck with someone in a chat room.

- It's the same thing. - No, forget it.

Come on, man!

Say, "Hey, Black Sheep, this is Candy Cane."

Just say it. You'll be amazing.

Hey, Black Sheep, this is Candy Cane.

I been lookin' for ya all day.

That was horrible.

Howdy there, Candy Cane. This is Black Sheep.

I'm right on schedule.

Now, say, "I'll see ya later on tonight, honey."

Go, go, go!

So I guess I'll be seein' ya later on tonight, that right?

You got it. I'm pullin' over right now

and I'll see your beautiful ass in the P.M.

- So, what was that about? - Just wait.

Candy Cane, come on.

I knew it! These guys are so fuckin' horny.