I Love Dick

You okay?

Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry.

Whew.

Thought you got eaten by coyotes.

Just, uh, went by the Institute

to drop off another sample of my work, so...

I thought the seminar was full.

No, it is. I just thought, you know,

I could, you know, weasel my way in.

I submitted something else.

What film did you give?

Oh, I, uh, ahem, I gave them "The Dick Letters".

What the fuck were you thinking?

I don't know. I wanted to give him something good.

You're out of your fucking mind. Wait.

Get dressed. We're going to the Institute right now.

It's done, though. There's nothing...

Hey, you want me to drag you there naked?

Huh? You'd probably like that, wouldn't you?

Is this part of the game?

Get dressed. Ow. Fucking buttons.

Now I'm going to count to 5,

and those better be on your ass.

1...

2...

Fine.

Hey. Hey.

You look nice.

Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah, I was wondering

if you'd ever let me use this space.

I know it's a lot to ask, so...

What do you want it for?

Oh, the actors from my play

just need a place to meet up...

you know, talk through ideas.

Okay.

You want me to take this mail?

Yep. Cool.

See you.

Dead moth. Fucking creepy.

Pull in this spot.

All right, move. All right.

Go. Get in there. Unbelievable.

Dear Dick, I've been up all night

writing a description of your face.

Why are you doing this to us?

I'd fall into your arms.

We'd kiss.

The obligatory first contact before fucking.

My love for you is absolutely groundless.

Everything that has passed between us

all comes back to ugliness and identity.

Dear Dick... Dear Dick... Dear Dick...

Dear Dick... Dear Dick... Dear Dick...

Dear... Dear Dick.

Oh, fuck me.

Fuck.

Can I help you?

I... I, uh,

I le... I had a... a box that I left here.

It's kind of like an art projecty, uh, thingie...

Hmm. ...for... for Dick,

and I just... I need it back.

I already sent it up to the ranch with his mail.

Oh, fuck me!

Come on.

You probably get accosted by this needy artist.

Energy all the time. We're such little babies.

It's like, "Oh, poor me. Nobody cares about my work.

I've got no money, no kids."

Well, I have two dead kids.

I mean, not literally dead.

I had one miscarriage and one abortion,

but symbolically it feels heavy...

you know, dead kids, dead films.

Is it possible to maybe get his... his address?

This is... Should I go over?

I know how to do it. No, don't go over!

I can do it. I can do it.

Do not try to climb over the barbed wire.

Dick's not home. His truck's not here.

Oh, Christ, now what?

Oh, this is easy.

Yeah.

All right, come on, come on, come on.

Okay. Chris, let's go.

Okay.

Move it. Move, move.

Go.

Okay.

Hello?

Come on. Just...

Oh.

Oh, no.

Uh...

You crafted.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Fuck. What are you doing?

No, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Don't touch it. What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Put them down. Stop it.

He's... He already has read them. You don't know that.

He's gonna know that we came to take them.

Put them back.

He's already read them.

Put it down.

Then he'll know that we're perverts

and stalkers. Shh.

You know what? This is... Leave them like that

This is a really stupid idea.

He's obviously read them,

so there's nothing to do. Okay. All right.

It's my name.

Dear Dick,

Sylvere says he was so turned on by you.

He's like a new man.

You're like a Roman god

bringing the spirit of sex into our lives.

What? What? You wrote about me.

Shh. Stop it. It's...

Just put it... put it down.

Sylvere.

Hmm. Sylvere.

Mm.

Baby, are you okay?

You okay, babe?

Just make...

make sure you flush it.

Mm.

Sylvere, come on.

Come on, let's go.

Let's go.

Come on.

What? Don't manhandle me.

Stop it.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Just go away.

Sylvere. Go away.

Sylvere. S... S...

Come on. I don't get it.

Why do you have to ruin every good

thing that ever happens to me? Why?

Why can't you just fucking support me?

Huh?

Do you know how many shitty jobs

I have taken so that you could have time...

Oh, stop this. Oh, here we go.

Chris the martyr. I gave up having a family for you.

Oh... You don't even like kids!

You are such an asshole.

You are subconsciously trying to destroy me.

Oh. Oh. Now you're going to rape me

with your big fat Freudian dildo?

What about that time you punched me in the face?

I was sleeping! No!

I was sleeping! Subconsciously...

It was in my sleep!

...you were hitting me in the fucking face.

Oh, that was five fucking years ago!

You want to fight about it again?

Just take some responsibility for your life, Chris.

Enough!

Sylvere!

Are you going to...

No, you're not doing that.

Wait. Are you seriously locking me out?

You shithead.

Sylvere, this is very traumatic!

Howdy.

Sylvere?

Sylvere.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Great. I'll just get four... four chicken tacos.

All right, so 16 tacos.

No. Four tacos.

I don't need 16... 16 tacos. Just four tacos.

Excuse me. Sorry.

They like to fuck with the tourists...

Why? ...so just say one.

But I want four tacos.

Right. When you say four, that's four orders.

That's 16 tacos. They want to mess with you.

Oh, for God... Fine. I'll take 16 tacos.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this town.

Sorry.

All right, that'll be ready

in five to 40 minutes.

Hey, man, I'll take one order of frock tacos.

Okay. Four tacos coming up.

Great. Thanks.

Oh, my God.

It's... taco porn.

Like it's... Like it's just too much for her.

I mean, it's animalistic.

That's just absolutely what it is.

She's like a raccoon digging through the garbage.

Right. Unbelievable.