Dip

Once upon a time, there was a typical American girl...

who happened to bump into a typical red-blooded American boy.

And she bumped into him, and bumped into him.

They decided they better sit down and talk this over...

before they had an accident.

They became good friends.

They found they had a lot of interests in common.

Radio.

Television.

Trains.

And when the boy found the girl attractive, desirable, irresistible...

he did what any red-blooded American boy would do;

He asked her to marry him.

They had a typical wedding...

went on a typical honeymoon, in a typical bridal suite.

Except...

it so happens that this girl is a witch.

Every young girl needs love and romance.

There is one thing she doesn't need.

Mother, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here? What are you doing here?

- I'm married. - I know.

Let you out of my sight for one moment...

Hold on, we'll be home before you can say...

I don't want to go.

I was afraid of that.

He has you under a spell, eh?

- These male witches are the worst kind. - He's not a witch.

What?

He happens to be, excuse the expression...

a normal, mortal human being.

Well, that's easy. I'll just have him trip over a rug and break an arm.

Mother, you'll leave him alone.

He's a dear, sweet, wonderful, perfectly marvellous man.

Oh, my poor baby. He sounds simply horrible.

Out of the way, Samantha, I'll get you out of here.

- I'm not going. - Really.

How would you like to spend your wedding night with a bullfrog?

Don't you understand? I'm happy with him.

Don't talk to your mother like that. I'll tell you when you're happy.

- He's coming in. - I'll take care of that.

Easy now.

I'm not going to hurt him.

Must be the champagne.

May I have my key please?

Mother, you've got to get out of here.

Even witchcraft can't keep him out there all night.

It's our honeymoon.

I don't know where you get it, must be from your father.

Certainly not from my side of the family.

Mother, he's coming in, and you're going out.

- Oh, no, I'm not. - Oh, yes, you are.

One Re, Or Re, Ickery Ann Phillison, Follison, Nicholas John

You are kidding.

I've never been more serious in my life.

One Re, Or Re, Ickery Ann Phillison, Follison, Nicholas John

Queevy quavy English navy Stickum, stackum Buck

B-U-C-K spells "buck" And out goes you

- Well, you naughty, naughty little witch. - Please.

No.

You're still very young and inexperienced.

You don't know what prejudice you'll run into.

They all think that witches work only one day a year, on Halloween.

We all wear those big ugly hats and fly around on brooms.

What if he finds out you're a witch?

- I'm going to tell him. - You're going to tell him?

Married people shouldn't have secrets from one another.

- When are you going to tell him? - As soon as you leave.

That should solve everything.

You'll be home before you know it.

Mother.

Good.

The strangest things have been happening. I took one glass...

of champagne and suddenly I found myself...

Sweetheart, let's sit down and talk.

What?

- You're a what? - I'm a witch.

That's wonderful. We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Now. I am a witch.

A real house-haunting, broom-riding, cauldron-stirring witch.

It must be the champagne.

It's been a hectic day. Getting married is not as easy as it looks.

Would I say I was a witch if I'm not?

I don't know. I have an aunt who thinks she's a lighthouse...

and whenever it rains she climbs on the garage roof to warn the sailors.

How do you know she isn't a lighthouse?

Maybe you're looking at a lighthouse and think you're seeing an old lady...

- on a garage roof. - Okay, okay, okay.

My aunt is a lighthouse and you're a witch.

You don't believe me.

Where's your black hat and broom, and how come you're out...

- when it isn't even Halloween? - Mother was right, you're prejudiced.

You told me your mother was in India.

She is but she dropped in on me this evening.

- Here? - Yes.

- Is she here now? - No.

Good...

because I don't care for an invisible mother-in-law...

along on my honeymoon.

I guess I'll just have to prove to you that I'm a witch.

That's a good idea. Prove it.

I wasn't gonna do any more witchcraft for your sake.

I'm from Missouri. You know what that means?

- What? - Show me.

- I'm not very experienced at it. - Well, you're young yet.

- I can only do little things. - A little thing will be just fine.

Any old little thing.

I have yet to see a table lighter that works.

Just once, I would like to see...

Sweetheart, we all imagine things.

Now I myself...

You may not believe this, but...

Sweetheart...

I need some air.

I wish I had a drink.

An old-fashioned.

And a straw.

You're a witch.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Darling, are you all right?

No. No, I'm not all right.

Darrin, I suppose I shouldn't have married you, but I love you so much.

I love you too, but I hadn't figured on this.

I'll make you a good wife, I promise.

This is not something like somebody who just thinks they're a lighthouse.

Oh, Darrin...

I love you so much.

We've got to figure this out...

later.

And if you can't talk to your best friend, who can you talk to?

I know all about marriage. That's why I'm a bachelor.

- That's my problem. - A sea of matrimony is beset...

- with hidden shoals and reefs. - Just found out Samantha's a witch.

It takes tolerance and understanding to find the channel of true love.

I didn't believe till she moved things around.

Marriage is a partnership, where two people, side by side...

- face life's obstacles together. - I can't tell my family.

If two people love each other, really love each other, it'll work out.

I have trouble getting my aunt off the garage roof when it rains.

Adjustment, the foundation on which every lasting marriage is built. Adjust.

It might have some advantages, like if you wanted a drink in a dry state.

I gotta go. If you need any help or advice again, feel free to call on me.

Doc, we've been friends for a long time.

I don't know if you can help me, but I had to bring this problem to you.

Darrin, that's what I'm here for. Just tell me what's bothering you.

I'm married to a witch. A real live house-haunting, broom-riding...

cauldron-stirring, card-carrying witch.