Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story

Weekend Watchdog with Anne Robinson.

Eddie Izzard still letting down his fans ...flogging old gags.

Eddie and his management didn't want to comment

just felt totally gutted by that

There's a level of trust that's been removed.

A safety thing had gone.

Huge amount riding on it

This wasn't just one gig in front of 40 people.

He sold 350.000 tickets across the world.

My favourite comedian of all time is Eddie Izzard. He's fantastic.

There's like a sexiness about him that I like.

I've seen him in a ton of movies and stuff.

Wasn't he in Ocean's Twelve with George Clooney?

Eddie Izzard, yes. Uh, um.

I've never met Eddie,

but the people that he hires tell me that he is absolutely wonderful.

He's the guy on The Riches, and a British comedian.

I saw him in Across the Universe as well.

I think he's a great, great actor.

I've seen him on TV and stuff.

I'd heard of him, but I didn't know much about him.

An actor, comedian, great guy.

I believe the actual pronunciation is "Izzard".

Eddie Izzard?

Izz-ard? Izz... I don't know.

I'm pretty sure his first name's pronounced "Eddie".

I know he's really funny.

I think his work is phenomenal. I think he's absolutely brilliant.

He's, like, hilarious.

I'm a huge fan of his work as a, um...

Um, uh...

I don't know what he does.

"Zingelbert Bembledack!

"Yingybert Dambleban.

"Zangelbert Bingledack.

"Slut Bunwallah."

"What?"

"All right, Kringelbert Fishtybuns.

"Steviebuns Buttritrundle."

"What have we got? Zingelbert Bembledack,

"Tringelbert Wangledack, Slut Bunwallah,

"Gerry Dorsey, Engelbert Humptyback, Zangelbert Bingledack,

"Engelbert Humperdinck, Vingerbert Wingeldanck..."

"No, no, go back one, go back one."

"Engelbert Humperdinck."

"That's it!"

Can I get a little more wine?

Thank you.

Normally he will turn over a new four from the previous four.

This time, Eddie has decided to completely leave the old material alone,

which is a very dangerous thing.

I'd rather the material all be fantastic.

It's just getting your brain organised that I'm forgetting about

I just wanna... I don't know, I don't know

Okay. On standby, Eddie.

-We're about to go. -So, now we go.

I haven't written the second half yet.

Still waiting on clearance,

but I think we ought to get there anyway.

Um, yes. So, yes, so, breasts.

What? You know, I just thought...

What was I gonna say about breasts anyway?

What?

Oh, yes. So...

No, no, no, that's not... There was something else I was gonna say.

Yeah, breast... Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

You have to take onboard how the audience reacts,

because that is your parameter of whether a joke has worked or not.

And that's very, very hard

And you can go out on stage and tell a joke that you've told to someone

who's roared with laughter and tell it front of 200 people

and they sit there in absolute silence.

And your stomach tightens on their behalf.

Well, I was in The Avengers and then Uma Thurman's doubles...

She had two doubles, one was just body double,

just for the hell of it, when she was...

Just wanted to go off and have a cigarette.

One was a balletic double, doing things that were balletic.

One was "through the window" type double.

Yeah, those three.

One was just a double, yeah.

And they would keep taking breasts in and out,

and say, "Look."

So, I said, "Oh, can I have a pair?"

And they said, "Yeah."

Well, that wasn't very good. Start's all right.

No, it's brilliant.

Yeah, well, not so good.

Well, it's just because there's no flow. And there can't be yet...

As soon as I go back, I'm going, "Is that funny? Is that funny?"

You haven't got a pocket or anything, have you?

-For what? -For the paper,

so to pull out, maybe, rather than to...

No, but, even that... See, just looking at the thing

makes you think, "What do I say next? What do I say next?"

The audience don't mind 'cause they're just loving listening to you.

"Talk about your family.

"Try to think something chronological." Rubbish.

My life story, that'd be good.

Where do you start?

We'll just start with nought and go all the way through.

Here a thing on Yemen.

There's my home town. That's somewhere near Aden.

The port of Aden.

I'm just like Lawrence of Arabia, basically,

except he was there for many years and I was there for one year.

My dad was there for eight years though, and my mum was there for five years.

So, my dad has "sand credibility'; is what they call it down there.

'Cause dad spoke Arabic like a native of Belgium and..

In eight years he picked up the Arabic for "One beer."

Arabic for "Two beers."

Arabic for "Three beers, " and that's it.

And if he wanted four beers, he'd go, "Three beer, one beer, please."

"Three beer, one beer."

So, one, two, and three beer, and then Allah willing.

- Yeah . -Insha 'Allah.

Insha 'Allah. Yeah.

-It's a good phrase. -You can drop them in. It sounds good.

Yeah, well, all my lads wanted to learn to speak English,

so I had to speak English to them all the time.

'Cause, apparently, no one's bothering learning languages any more.

I should go and learn Arabic.

That should be one of the stupid things I keep saying I'm gonna do.

I was born in Yemen, in 1962.

Two years after my brother Mark, in the city of Aden.

There was refinery there that British Petroleum ran.

My dad worked there as an accountant, my mum worked there as a nurse

in the BF hospital.

In the end, there was a revolution in Yemen, so I had to get out of there.

My dad said, "We're getting out of here.

"let's go to Northern Ireland, "

where it was a lot calmer.

My house is still there in Ashford Drive. I went there.

And bizarrely the woman that bought it from my dad is still living there.

We lived in the same house, and it hadn't changed, it's a bungalow

-Hello. Hello. -Hello, and welcome. Come on in.

-How are you? -Very nice to meet you.

We had the sofa there. There's a photograph taken of us all

in front of a slatted blind just like that.

I think a lot of this is in a similar place.

But this carpet does look...

-Identical? -Yeah.

This garden, I mean, all that.

That was green, it was still part of the countryside?

And my dad would start the lawnmower.

He'd always take three goes to start it up.

I think he wanted to get a crowd

And he was there, one...

No.

Don't think so.

With all these bits to adjust.

This kitchen is very much the same.

We were cooking there with my mother. Well, not... She cooked,

and I just cut things up.

And I was about this big.

Just feels like a different life.

My dad said I would adjust the stocking straps

on my mum's stockings.

His mother told me that she went into the bathroom on one occasion,

and he was dressing up in her clothes.

That had no significance for me at the time.

The idea of wearing a dress was very much a big thing for me,

and something that I wanted to experience.

'Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy.

That's where the sexuality is.

So, running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on makeup when you're up there.

That's where it is.

And I used to keep all my makeup in a squirrel hole, up the tree.

And the squirrel would keep makeup on one side

and he'd keep nuts on the other side.

And sometimes I'd get up that tree,

that squirrel would be covered in makeup!

"Oh."

"What? Fuck off!"

He seemed to say.

Living here at 5, Ashford Drive,

it's really the best part of my childhood.

After that, it just went crap.

Well, if I'd continued having a mother

I wouldn't have gone to boarding schools.

I don't remember wanting to perform before she died.

When I was seven, in Eastbourne,

I saw this kid getting a lot of reaction off the audience,

and I just thought, "I want to do that."

The only thing my mum ever saw me do...

Did she see? No, she was probably too ill to see me do it.

I played a raven, she made this raven outfit.

There was a picture, me in a raven outfit made by my mum.

And she was very ill with cancer at this point

So, I played a raven.

I remember not being terribly interested about playing a raven.

And I got a laugh when I didn't really mean to.

And I wasn't that bothered.

Then after that she was dead,

and the next thing I was desperate to be in things.

Back in Roman times, when people died,

they had professional mourners come in, which is a totally weird idea.

Someone will go, "My husband is dead. There's not enough grief.

"There's not enough grief in this house to warrant his death.