Descarrilados

...is located on track number nine.

Your attention, please,

do not cross the tracks.

Use the tunnels.

MADRID, 1999

Descarrilados (Off the Rails)

Seriously, my mom almost said no.

-You know how she is. -And my dad?

He thought the world was ending because of Y2K and told my mom he's gay.

-I told you so. -What, your dad's gay?

-It's like saying Ricky Martin's gay. -Ricky Martin gay? Can you imagine?

Roge.

Hi. I'm looking for a girl.

What girl?

You.

What the hell are you doing?

Do you know how much fat, dandruff and sweat accumulates in here?

Fuck, Roge.

We're going to sleep for a week on filthy cots, at parks, the beach...

No worries, I have extra.

Sandwiches.

Omelet and mayo, or mortadella and cheese.

Mortadella and cheese.

-What kind of cheese? -Processed.

That makes me sick. Give me the omelet one.

Are you having dinner?

I brought dessert.

Oh, my!

-Seriously? -You don't want any, right?

No way, this time...

Dude, they hide this up the ass.

Sure, but wrapped in plastic.

Watch out!

Hilarious!

Suck it.

Suck it.

-Come on. -Juan Luis... Don't touch!

Don't touch!

Take it easy.

Next station, Paris.

Next station, Paris.

Next station, Paris.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey!

Juan Luis! Juan Luis!

And we could...

I have diarrhea, bro.

I think the mayo was bad.

Roge!

They tied me up while I was sleeping! They took the backpacks!

-Shit! The tickets, the passports! -The money and my clothes!

-My Game Boy! -Hey, it's them! Look!

-It's them! -Hey! Assholes!

-Hey! -Motherfuckers!

Hey, don't leave me here, you assholes! Hey!

Assholes!

Our backpacks!

Get them!

Hey! Hey!

-Did you catch them? -Are you daft? Do you see the backpacks?

Don't talk to me like that, it's not my fault.

Who was sitting in our seats?

They took them because of you.

-And where were you? -Have you seen them?

Smart-ass! Where were you?

I was sick, the mayo was bad!

Let's call the police, they'll write a letter of transit.

The fucking journey is over.

All my savings were in the backpack!

Where's Roge?

20 YEARS LATER

I'm in the bread aisle.

I don't want rye bread, my dear. It gives me gas.

I'll get it right now.

I'm beside the apples. Gala or Fuji?

Is it that hard to pick apples?

I don't know, red apples.

Did you call me just for this?

-Last time I brought Conference pears... -I'm working.

...and you wanted common pears, so I'm confused.

Listen!

What's wrong with the baby? He's crying. What did you do?

No, I mean...

Javier's asleep. Someone else's kid is here.

Give him the pacifier.

Cris, honey. That's not real food.

It is, Daddy.

-I can touch it. -And it has a lot of sugar too.

Yes! Yummy!

No. Sugar is bad.

No, Daddy. Broccoli is bad!

Sugar is good.

Honey, don't you know the difference between "like" and "love"?

Sure, of course. I don't like broccoli, and I love sugar.

Rogelio, I can't hear you.

Rogelio, I'm here! Hello.

We should talk about Cris's bilingual school.

She's very confused.

I could teach her languages at home.

-I'm good at that. -Seriously, just accept it,

you have no fucking idea how to speak English!

Don't waste my time! I'm working!

I have to hang up. I have another call.

Yes, bye. Bye. Hello?

Pardon?

Pepo, Eric and I were...

Can we talk?

Sure, you can talk and sing.

No. We need to talk to you.

What's up?

We have exams and we're exhausted.

Have you tried Ritalin? It's something I take for depression.

But it's good for everything.

We didn't sleep last night. We haven't slept in a week.

You study a lot.

I like it.

I was a dropout because I'm a genius.

We haven't slept because of you.

Because you spend the whole night making noise.

A lot.

And you're messy and you don't pay rent!

You're three months behind and we can't cover for you anymore.

Good morning.

He says you are going to pay.

-Who does he think he is? -We're not buying him a whore.

-Sorry, madam. -She's not a whore.

She's my Portuguese teacher.

For coming here, 10.

For the hand job, 20.

For the black kiss, 35.

-And for the golden shower-- -Okay, okay.

-Just give us the grand total. -Do you want an invoice?

If so, I have to include the tax.

Yes, speaking.

Hello.

Careful, careful.

If somebody spots

a Chachapoyan idol outside of a museum, we're in trouble.

Of course.

Can you get me a bronze sculpture of the Mochica culture?

I don't know.

It was hard getting a Mayan sculpture.

Getting a Mochete...

It's going to be very difficult and more expensive.

Yes, I understand. Makes sense.

I'll let you know next week. Eh?

I have to go.

And don't exhibit it for at least a year or so.

We could have big problems.

Of course.

Bye.

Fuck.

Fucking Chinese counterfeit.

Two euros wasted.

Hello?

Yes, speaking.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

Costa, is that you?

-Pepo? -Yes!

Oh, my!

Well, how are things? What do you do?

Student apartments.

Oh, you rent them.

Yes, till they kick me out for not paying.

No, I mean, for a living.

Yes, for living. Also in offices.

I review video games.

No one publishes them, but I do them anyway.

I also receive a government subsidy.

Because...

Because a few things.

Fuck.

What a bummer about Juan Luis.

Terrible.

Do you know how...?

No, I don't.

-Do you know? -No, I don't.

Life's short.

They called you too.

Fuck.

Roge, you look good, so handsome.

Thanks, bro.

You look...

The same.

And me?

Do I look younger or what?

Sure. Like Benjamin Button.

Brad Pitt.

-Or so I've been told. -You look awesome.

-We're better off than Juan Luis, anyway. -For sure.

Who would have thought?

-Do you know what happened? -That's what we were discussing.

So what, then?

That's what we were discussing. We don't know.

Please, follow me.

Mr. Toledano wanted this notebook to be given to you in person.

And in his will,

Mr. Toledano said:

-"I would like my three--" -One moment.

Who is this Mr. Toledano?