The Office

Attention, everyone!

Jim and I, on behalf of the party planning committee...

- Too loud, too loud. - But effective.

Look.

On behalf of Jim and I,

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Good.

My diabolical plot is on hold for Christmas.

My heart

just melts with the sound of children singing.

Not really.

I'm just tired.

The days are short. I don't know.

Maybe I'm depressed.

It is time to unveil the tree.

Rockefeller Center.

I've actually been to Rock Center, and this is nothing like that.

This is all we have.

It's not "Ugh".

- It is office camaraderie. - It is warm feelings.

Why don't we talk more about it?

30...

29...

- 28, 27... - Why would you start so high?

- 3, 2, 1... - 26...

- You didn't decorate it. - Exactly.

We didn't, because we think it would be better to do it

- together. - Everyone.

Why would you wrap it in a sheet if you're not covering anything up?

Is it fake?

We are unveiling

an artificial tree.

That will never die...

Like the spirit of Christmas.

And we're supposed to applaud you for taking a diaper off a fake tree?

This was a successful unveiling.

Go back to work!

Merry Christmas.

Feygnasse Team -

.:: La Fabrique ::.

Collioure

Jarick loky

Titou Floc

Sk0r

yomoy The Ni.Knight

Episode 6x12 Secret Santa

Sorry, guys.

I'm not sure I've earned the right to make announcements yet,

but whoever is giving me the 12 days of Christmas as my Secret Santa,

please stop.

I can't take it anymore.

My cat killed a turtledove.

The french hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest.

Please stop.

What psycho would send that as a gift?

I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa.

And I decided to give Erin the 12 days of Christmas.

Bowtie time.

Is it my fault that the first eight days

there's basically 30 birds?

Merry Christmas, boys and girls.

It's me,

Santa Claus.

They finally let you do it.

- Congrats, Phyl. - It's so edgy.

I have been wanting to be Santa for years.

I believe I have the right temperament

and the figure to do the job well.

I slipped a note to Jim 11 weeks ago,

and he said I could do it.

It's been a long journey.

But...

I'm Santa Claus!

So, Santa, what can we expect from this party?

It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good.

What if you've been bad?

Then nothing but a lump of coal for you.

What if you've been really, really bad?

More "evil" than strictly "wrong".

We covered it. Lump of coal.

For the past weeks,

my secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine

that I've been attempting to assemble.

I'm suspicious of this, because I had the exact

same idea

for catching Osama Bin Laden.

I would simply send him a different piece each day.

He would assemble it

to find himself...

in jail!

You know, Oscar, every time I make this lasagna,

people ask me if it's a family recipe.

But really...

I just get the recipe from the box.

That's funny.

Is it funny? I thought it was more...

interesting than funny.

I think my water just broke.

That's too funny.

Oscar and the warehouse guy.

Go, Oscar!

Go, gay warehouse guy!

Here's...

Santa!

Hey, little girl, what would you like for Christmas?

You have been a very naughty girl, I see.

We already have a Santa... Phyllis.

What the hell is going on?

Phyllis is Santa.

- I told her she could do it. - Take it back. That is absurd.

I'm not gonna do that.

- Come on! - I think she'll do a good job.

It's insane! A woman Santa? Where does it stop?

This may be the last Christmas that we have here.

Doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious

me not playing Santa? Come on!

I'm not gonna go tell her that she can't be Santa.

Fine. Then do it anonymously.

Ransom note style. You can...

I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk.

You can use those.

If this were Russia, yeah, sure, everybody would go to one Santa.

And there would be a line around the block,

and once you sat on her lap and she asked you what you wanted,

you would say, probably, "freedom"...

At which point, the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia.

It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.

Why pay more

to old tranny Claus over there

when you can sit on my lap?

Phyllis is only

pretending to be a man.

I'm the real thing!

Sit down on my lap, and there will be no doubt!

No, it's not, like, penis-wise.

Hello, little boy! What's your name?

Michael, it's me, Kevin.

Phyllis says I'm too big for her lap.

I am so sorry that Phyllis hates you

and hates your body.

But Santa remembers a reindeer

that was just a tiny bit different as well.

When can I sit on your lap?

Right now! Come on over here, big boy!

There we go!

It's really comfortable.

What would you like for Christmas, little boy?

I don't know.

I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.

What did you think was going to happen?

I didn't know.

Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.

Just say some toys, please.

Can you give me some choices?

'Cause I really don't wanna mess up on this list.

Damn it, Kevin. Come on.

What about if I tell you the things I don't want?

Get off! Get off! Off!

Jee... God!

I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted.

You know what you get?

You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you

so Santa doesn't have go through this again.

Awesome.

Well?

I'm trying, Phyllis. You're Santa.

- The only Santa. - That's what I want.

You promised me this. Don't make me get Bob involved.

- What would Bob do? - I shouldn't have said that.

Does it hurt?

It stings a lot.

I keep trying to figure out who's sending me these gifts.

So far, no one will admit to it.

Is it you?

Totally. I admit it.

- It's me. - Seriously?

Seriously?

Are you serious?

Totally serious.

I'm your secret Santa.

Busted!

There he is.

Is Matt around? I've got his check.

Matt is on a delivery.

Just leave it here. I'll take it.

I'll just...

wait for him.

- Matt's a pretty good-lookin' dude. - I'll just leave it here with you.

- Come here! - I'm doing something here.

I need this. Come over here!

- What are you talking... - Just sit down.

- Is everything okay? - Ryan and I are just having some fun.

Can I just talk you for a second?

What?

You can't yell out "I need this, I need this,"

as you pin down an employee on your lap.

You know what?

With two Santas in the room, things get ruthless.

You forced my hand.