The Great Muppet Caper

Pretty nice up here, isn't it?

Kermit? - Huh?

What if we drift out to sea?

What if we're never heard from again?

What if there's a storm?

Or we get struck by lightning?

That'd be neat.

Listen, nothing's gonna happen.

This is just the opening credits.

Oh. Where are they?

Wow!

"The Great Muppet Caper."

Nice title.

Whoo-wee!

I'd like to try this without the balloon.

- Try what? Plummeting? - Yeah!

I suppose you could try it once.

- Kermit? - Mmm?

How long are these opening credits?

Just about another minute or so.

My ears are popping.

I wonder how far you could plummet before you blacked out.

Well, don't try it, Gonzo. We need you for this movie.

Sure is tempting.

Kermit? - Huh?

What does "BSC" stand for?

I don't know.

Gee, a lot of people worked on this movie.

Huh. This is nothing.

Wait till you see the end credits.

Kermit? - Mmm?

Are the credits over?

Uh, not quite.

Nobody reads those names anyway, do they?

Sure. They all have families.

Ah.

That's it. The sky is clear.

So, okay.

Well, now what do we do? I mean, how does this movie start?

- Well, we just pull that rope. - Yes, sir!

- (AIR ESCAPING) - (ALL SCREAM)

Ooh, we're going down!

Heads up, below!

What a fantastic beginning.

Wow!

There'll be spectacle There'll be fantasy

There'll be derring-do

And stuff like you would never see

Hey, a movie

Yeah, we're gonna be a movie

- Starring everybody - And me

There'll be heroes bold There'll be comedy

And a lot of fuss That ends for us real happily

Hey, a movie

We can watch it all develop

Starring everybody

And me

We'll take the world And set it on its ear

Come on, join in We're gonna start right here

- (BRAKES SCREECH) - (CLUCKING)

It's okay. I landed on my head.

- Come on! - (HORN HONKS)

Oh. Here, chicken!

Hey! Why, you...

Whoa!

Hold it!

Go ahead, Kermit.

Thank you. See, in this film,

me and Fozzie play crack investigative reporters for The Daily Chronicle.

And Gonzo, he's our photographer. And it's gonna be terrific.

- (HORN HONKING) - (ALL SCREAM)

Boy, I wish I were you people, seeing this for the first time.

There'll be crooks and cops

There'll be villainy

But with us on call We'll fix it all real easily

Hey, a movie

Wow, it's gonna be terrific

Starring everybody

And me.

- (CRUNCH) - Argh!

Now, what we need, guys, is an exciting photo story.

Right this way, young lady.

- I'll take a picture of this chicken. - (CLUCKING)

Beautiful.

- That's great, Gonzo. - Yeah. Smile, chicky babe.

- My jewels! - (TIRES SCREECHING)

That man stole my jewels!

Help! My jewels!

Look up. Hey, do you wanna make the front pages or not?

Kermit, I got a great picture of the chicken.

Oh, good.

There'll be mystery and catastrophe

But it's all in fun You paid the money, wait and see

Hey, a movie

Is there any way to stop it?

Starring everybody

Everybody

Everybody and...

Oh...

Me

- How could you miss a story like that? - (ALL YELP)

It was right under your noses,

practically bit you on the seat of the pants.

There's just no excuse.

I guess this would be the wrong time to ask for a raise?

Raise? A raise?

- I'll give you a raise! - (ALL YELP)

Did you read these headlines? Huh?

"Jewel heist on Main Street."

And it's nice bold print, isn't it?

- Yes, it's very easy to read. - Mmm.

Shut up now.

Sorry.

"Lady Holiday's Jewels Stolen," that's what it says in The Times.

And here's The Herald.

"Fashion Queen of London Robbed."

And last but not least...

...here's our cute little banner story.

"Identical Twins join The Chronicle staff."

Now, I ask you, what paper would you buy?

I read the one that has "Dear Abby."

- (GROANS) - (SHRIEKS)

Gee, Mr. Tarkanian.

We thought identical twins working on a newspaper

- would make an interesting story. - Yeah.

Well, it doesn't.

Especially since you two guys don't look anything alike.

Well, that's 'cause Fozzie's not wearing his hat.

- Oh, Fozzie, put your hat back on. - Oh. Yes, sir. See?

Oh, yeah.

I can see it now.

But that's still no excuse for blowing a story.

Oh, we'll do better next time.

- Next time? Next time? - (BOTH GASP)

What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?

Well, if there isn't it's gonna be a real short movie.

Look, the only reason I hired you two jerks

was because your old man was a friend of mine.

Dad spoke well of you, too.

Well, I'm as sentimental as the next guy.

That's why I don't want him to hear this.

You're fired.

Take that thing down off the ceiling.

Yeah, but, Mr. Tarkanian...

- Gonzo. - Check. Whoo-wee!

Won't you listen to reason, sir?

I'm not listening to anything and I'm not giving you your job back.

I don't want you to give us anything.

We just want to go to England and talk to Lady Holiday

the woman who was robbed?

And we'll catch those jewel thieves for you.

You see, all you have to do is pay our way to London.

Oh! Is that all I have to do?

Well, we could use some new luggage for the trip.

- Luggage? - (ALL YELP)

Now look, beat it. I got a deadline to meet.

But how are we gonna get to London?

I'll tell you what, Fozzie,

since you're such an investigative reporter, you figure it out.

I'm Fozzie.

Oh, yeah, yeah. The hat. (CHUCKLES)

Stop the presses!

Why? What happened?

I don't know. I've always wanted to say that.

- Look, you guys... - (GONZO LAUGHS)

Oh, boy.

It must be 50 below in here.

You're lucky, you have fur.

No, no, no. You're the one with the fur.

Turn on your light and see for yourself.

Oh, yeah!

I keep mixing us up.

I think I'll read for a while.

- Oh, I wish I had a book. - Hey, Kermit?

Can you reach the hostess call button? I'm hungry.

- They don't serve food in ninth class. - (GUNSHOT)

What? $12 and you don't even get a meal?

Hey, could you guys keep it down?

I'm trying to watch the movie.

Hey, somebody's coming.

Oh, maybe they're bringing hamburgers.

All out for England!

Oh, great, the plane is landing.

The plane?

Nah. The plane lands in Italy.

You land in England.

Whoa!

Kermit!

What's happening?

Whoopee! (LAUGHS)

Geronimo!

Glug!

For once the forecast was right.

It said it was going to rain cats and dogs.

No, no. We're bears and frogs.

And Gonzos.

Whatever you are, whoever you are, welcome to Great Britain.

Great Britain? We're actually in Great Britain!

Oh, no, we'll never get to England now.

You are in England, my furry friend.