Grimsburg

Hot cocoa--

It's warm, sweet, and feels good in your tummy.

But what doesn't feel good in your tummy?

A sharpened moose femur

Wielded by a crazed ritualistic killer.

This is the fifth animal-bone murder here in grimsburg,

The work of an unknown serial killer

Who the media are calling

The boner.

With kgrm homicides-on-the-ones,

I'm harmony flute.

- And I'm her ex-husband, marvin flute,

Grimsburg's greatest detective who's back

From a much-needed nervous breakdown

To make this town safer and handsomer.

- Flute, I was just signing off.

- And I'll get my hands on this boner,

No matter how hard it gets.

Over to you, hank.

Oh, you always do this.

It's always the flute show.

I'm the one who gets to throw the anchor.

And who is hank? We don't even have a hank.

- Well, you should look into getting one.

Hank is a strong anchor name.

Ends with a k, like the word fork,

The most masculine utensil of all.

And pork, the most masculine meat.

And of course, sink, the most masculine place to urinate.

- How about suck? As in you.

Now you get it.

- Oh, you know who'd love this game?

- We don't have a hank! - Hank.

Heh.

Back to you, hank.

"the flute show." please.

It's not all about me, right?

- Well-- - exactly.

Thank you.

Wait, you hear that?

freeze, put--

My hands up?

Cut!

Ok, take five, everyone.

Well, well, detective flute himself.

I'm a big fan of your work.

- Likewise--meaning, I'm a big fan of my work,

'cause I don't know who the hell you are.

- Bertram figg. I'm making a limited series

Based on the boner case,

And you're the main character.

- I'd watch the hell out of that, even if it's on pluto.

Oh, god, it's not on pluto, is it?

Wait, that guy's supposed to be me?

- You're right. Wardrobe, makeup, hair!

We've gotta make our flute much fatter and dumpier, please.

Getting closer.

All: Fathers!

All: Sons!

All: Fathers!

- I wish my dad had time to play with me.

Don't worry, stanners.

That's what imaginary bad influences are for.

What do you say we go loosen some bolts on the monkey bars?

Maybe we could do a little fecal graffiti.

It's a beautiful day in the park.

We can do it all.

All: son.

All: dad.

- You just sold the ip freely to this guy

Without consulting me on casting?

Did they even go out to miles teller?

He is the mustache guy right now.

- Sorry, flute, chief needs the money

For her latest conspiracy theory.

- Yeah, I've got my eye on this tank.

Oh, try to vaccinate me in this bad boy.

- But I haven't solved the case yet.

- You better, or that's what the world will see.

It's true crime, and I take the "true" part seriously.

That's my rule.

That and never ask a grip where he was on January 6.

This is so cool.

So who's playing me in the series?

I get idris elba a lot.

- I didn't feel you were a vital part of the narrative,

So in the show, flute works alone.

- But you just said you want it to be true.

- Ah-buh-buh-buh, just true enough,

Which is why I made your character

Into a refurbished fitbit that flute never wanted

And hates.

- You're the madness consultant on this shoot, right?

- Well, I wasn't supposed to be,

But the psychiatrist they hired had to drop out

Because he was mysteriously poisoned.

Such a pity.

Uh-huh, cool.

So I was thinking of this outfit for the killer.

Oh, god, no.

He's a pathological, clinically disturbed maniac

With a penchant for skeleto-zoological homicide,

Not a dork.

Mmm, this looks benignly ethnic.

It's a taquito.

- Arleen, I have always believed cruelty

Was humanity's greatest gift to itself,

But now I know that it is

Taquitos!

Ah! Home invasion!

- It's ok, flute, he's the actor from the tv show.

Kip deegan, pleasure.

- Displeasure. Why are you in my house?

- My house. - Her house.

- It doesn't matter whose house it is.

- I just thought I'd observe you

In your everyday life.

See, I'm trained in the jeremy strong school of acting,

Where you immerse yourself in the role

In a way that's incredibly irritating

To everyone around you.

"flute's ex-wife"?

That's my character's name?

- Yeah, they should change it to hank.

- Being your ex-wife is not even in the top three

Most interesting things about me.

One, I was raised by bears.

Two, I'm great at parkour--

Probably because of all the climbing I did

While I was being raised by bears.

And six, I'm not great at numbers

Because I was homeschooled by a bunch of bears.

Ugh, I have to go to work.

- Damn it, they found another body.

Boner alert. - Boner alert.

No, do less.

Throw the boner away.

- Bonah aluht. Booner aloyt.

- No, still too much. - Baner alart.

- Is that southern? I speak in...

- Boner alert. - Midland american english.

Eh, forget it.

just try to stay out of me way.

now you're in my head.

- Hey, hey, hey, you're sounding great, man.

Uh, you may wanna explore the space a little more.

- Thanks, jeremy. - Please, call me table.

- I wiped down those shelves for you, bertram.

Thanks, harv, much better.

I was seeing a lot of fingerprints.

Wait, he wiped the prints?

I need those to be the hero.

Fingerprints are the faces of the fingers.

And nails are like the skulls.

I think this knuckle is the butt.

And this one--wait, why are there three bodies?

- Oh, they hired me as the corpse wrangler,

So I'm just showing them some options.

- I scanned and cross-referenced

The murder weapon, flute.

- He's not flute. I'm flute.

- Wow, it's like I'm looking in a mirror.

But you're in front of it, and I'm off to the side

Going, "wow."

Anyway, it's a rabbit bone.

Huh, a rabbit bone.

a rabbit bone.

- A rabbit bone. - A rabbit bone.

Missing a bone, doc?

- Nah, I don't know what you're--

Now you are.

That's all, fol--

- Whoa, back when I was watching cartoons,

Violence never had consequences.

Not a match.

Hmm, how about you, silly rabbit?

You up to some trix?

- Are you a cereal serial killer?

I only steal cereal, I swear!

I can't catch a body, I have priors!

Ah, ah!

- Nope, that's what you get for changing the flavor.

You taste like paint now.

Aha, latin trap and reggaeton star bad bunny.

- Hey, sorry, you're not on the list.

- Seriously? I'm marvin flute.

Uh, maybe I put it under one of my aliases.

Marvin flame?

Fluteus maximus?

Mark milkshack, sour shoes,

Former surgeon general c. Everett koop.

Maybe martin flute? People always mess that up.

They even misspelled it on my birth certificate.

Wait, is that my name?

- It's ok, flute, I talked to bad bunny.

He says you should check that taxidermy shop downtown.

- Great idea, and we're in my crime mind,

So it was my great idea.

Ha!

I'll meet you there, flute.