Mr. Mercedes

Are you kidding me?

Welcome to the early birds' club.

You thought you'd be first?

Yeah, kind of.

I guess we're gonna be neighbors a while.

I'm Janice Cray.

Hi. I'm August Odenkirk. You can call me Augie.

Little one here is Patti. Hey, Patti, hello.

Oh, my God. She is beautiful. Thank you.

How old is she?

Almost two months.

I had to bring her.

I can't afford a sitter.

No job, which is, of course, why I'm here.

Cock fucking sucker.

Look at all these people.

Yeah, the economy's back alright.

Croup. It sounds worse than it is.

Right. It's alright.

Alright, be honest with me. Mm-hm.

I'm standing out here in the cold all night with a baby.

Are would be employers gonna just take one look

and think, "Irresponsible"?

Well, they might say, "Dedicated."

And they'll take one look at her

and see that hat and these mittens here...

which seem to be homemade...

and they'll think, "She pays attention to detail."

You're really good.

Someone's gonna hire you but fast.

Let's hope.

I'm gonna settle her down. Yep.

It's okay, though. It's okay, though.

It's fine, right?

Oh, come on. Really?

Sorry.

Jesus.

Sorry. That's okay. It's alright.

She's hungry.

Oh, my God. What's up?

She is soaked right through, I can feel it.

I can't change her out here in this cold.

Real forward-thinking on your part.

Sir, back off. Come on.

What am I gonna do? Um...

Here, take my sleeping bag.

Yeah. Slip in, get warm, get her warm.

You know, if you're cool with it,

why don't you hand me over the baby,

and I'll just grab on to her while you slip in.

How's that sound? Okay.

Alright, cool. Here. Come on. I'm sorry.

No, don't apologize. It's okay.

It's okay, it's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. It's okay.

Are you married?

Divorced.

Kids?

No.

Get a room.

What do you kids call it? Hooking up?

Bro, back off.

Why are you being rude?

Okay, okay. Pass her to me.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay. I had her first. It's okay. Shh, shh, shh.

I know, I know, I know. There you go, there you go.

Here, I'll zip you up. I'll zip you up.

Okay. Alright.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. It's okay.

There you go.

There you go. Can you, uh, hand me a diaper?

Uh, yeah, sure. They're in the bag.

I should change her before I feed her.

Got one. Here you go.

Okay, thank you. Here you go.

There's a plastic Costco bag. You can just drop it in there.

Yeah, nice. Thank you.

Okay, how's that? Okay.

I know, I know.

Hey.

Come on, man.

Kill the headlights.

Turn 'em off, cow. Hmm.

God, showing up to a jobs fair in a Mercedes-Benz.

Sign of the times, I guess, right?

Maybe it's the Mayor, coming to check out his big to-do.

He drives one of them sports coupes.

This isn't a coupe. This is a larger model.

Give up, asshole. Turn them off.

Why's he just waiting there?

Well, one thing's for sure, we know he's a fucking asshole.

What the hell?

Move.

Move! Come on, move. What?

Come on, unzip this! It's stuck!

Come on, come on! Let's go!

Come on! We've got to go! Come on! Get up! Get up!

Move!

No, no, no, no, no!

No!

Holy fuck.

It's worse than it looks.

We got 16 dead, triple that in injuries.

No sign of the car.

Car? You're sure it's not a truck?

Car.

Somebody lost control.

He didn't lose control.

Good morning, Ohio.

We've got some gorgeous weather into Bridgton today.

But down to the south for other folks besides Bridgton...

you've got some showers

and thunderstorm activity on the way.

But the folks in Bridgton

are gonna be nice and mild

as we go throughout the course of the night.

And for the rest of the workweek,

temperatures, though, are going to be

still on the mild side, really for everybody.

We're looking at those numbers...

And that will be what we do

throughout the course of the work...

Yeah?

Man, what time we on for?

Who is this?

Pete. What, I wake you up?

I keep forgetting you retired farts sleep all day.

What do you want?

Lunch. We on, or not?

Bill, can you hear me?

Yeah. Alright, see you there.

And wear something nice for me, would you, big guy?

Maybe one of your bright spring ensembles?

Fuck.

Come on. Come on.

Fred.

Fred.

Where are you, fucker?

Oh, there you are.

There you go, buddy.

Fred!

Yeah. Morning to you, too.

'Cause he gets up in the morning

And he goes to work at 9:00

And he comes back home at 5:30

Gets the same train every time

'Cause his world is built Fuck.

'round punctuality

It never fails

And he's, oh, so good

And he's, oh, so fine

And he's, oh, so healthy

In his body and his mind

He's a well-respected man about town

Doing the best things so conservatively

Fuck.

I gotta be honest. You don't look so hot.

Not so sweet on the eye yourself.

You getting any exercise?

Are we married?

You hate it, don't you?

Retirement. I don't hate it.

Hey, handsome. Hey, Sheila.

Long time.

Pete. Morning.

Been missing you around here.

Yeah.

You still got that killer smile?

No.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

There it is. How 'bout coffee?

Why not? Okay.

Anything else I can get you boys?

I'll have the, uh, grilled perch and a side of broccoli.

Yeah, I'll have the open-faced roast beef

and mashed potato and gravy.

And a beer.

Okay. Got it.

Okay. We know we're not handsome.

We know she knows we're not handsome.

The question becomes, you think she knows

that we know that she knows we're not handsome?

That's too much thinking for me.

Hey, how's, uh... how's Allie doing?

You talk?

A bit. She seems good.

You know.

Yeah.

You doing okay?

Yeah.

Really?

It's an adjustment.

I remember you like the rum cake for an appetizer.

Does that still hold?

That still holds.

I think he's been enjoying a little too much