Mirror Mirror

Once upon a time,

in a kingdom far, far away,

a baby girl was born.

Her skin was pure as snow.

Her hair was dark as night.

They called her Snow White.

Probably because that was the most pretentious name

they could come up with.

As fate would have it,

Snow White's mother died in childbirth.

Left on his own...

...her father spoiled the young girl.

He could afford to, of course. He was the king.

The king loved his daughter,

and all his subjects loved him.

The kingdom was a happy place,

where people danced and sang day and night.

Apparently, no one had a job back then.

Just singing and dancing all day and all night.

But I digress.

The king raised the little girl by himself,

grooming her to one day lead.

But over time, he realized

there were some things he couldn't teach her.

So he sought out a new queen.

This queen was the most beautiful woman in the world.

She was intelligent and strong.

And just to clarify, she was m.

And this is my story. Not hers.

Bewitched by my beauty, the king begged me to marry hi.

I was everything to him,

the stars, the moon.

But a dark magic invaded the land.

The brave king bid farewell to Snow White,

leaving her his favorite dagge.

An interesting gift, but more on that later.

He rode off into the dark woods

and, sadly, was never seen again.

Snow White searched and searched for her father,

and when she realized he was truly gone,

she was devastated.

The girl was now left

under the care of the beautiful queen.

Ten years passed,

and Snow White grew older and blossomed.

But the kingdom fell into an icy despair as the queen realized,

if she wanted to remain the most beautiful woman in all the land,

well, Snow would have to do what snow does best.

Snow would have to fall.

Well, hello there.

Would you like a treat?

Here you go.

Oh, I think the party's started.

F to D-9.

To your left, Lord Waverly.

If someone would please teach Lord Waverly

his left from his right, I would be so very grateful.

Excuse me.

B to J-12.

My lady, I feel it is my duty

to tell you of the rumors that I've been hearing.

Rumors?

Well, there have been rumblings

that the kingdom is close to destitute.

If we were to join our two houses in marriage...

...I feel the gentry would be reassured

that the kingdom was stable once again.

Brighton, a word, please.

- Yes, Your Majesty? - Loose lips sink ships.

Yes, indeed, Your Majesty, exactly.

Which ship would you like sunk?

It's an expression, Brighton. A royal decree. Take it down.

Ah, marvelous.

Any busybodies...

caught rumoring, gossiping, whispering,

or even thinking shall be put to death.

How does that sound?

It's decisive.

Snow White.

Is there a fire?

I'm sorry?

Is your bedroom on fire?

Because I'm searching for an explanation

as to why you would be out of your bedroom and in here,

and my first guess was fire.

I thought maybe I could come to the gala,

you know, because, um, today is my 18th birthday.

Is it, now?

Oh, my, oh, my.

E to F-3, please.

Snow White, maybe it is time I ease up on you. Hmm?

After all, you've done nothing to me, caused no problems.

And yet,

there is something about you

that's just so incredibly...

irritating.

I don't know what it is.

The slumped shoulders.

The hair, that voice... Mm!

I know what it is.

I think it is the hair.

I hate your hair.

I don't care if it's your 100th birthday.

Don't ever sneak into a party like this again.

B to F-6.

C to D-4.

Baron, you've been beaten for the last five minutes and didn't even know it.

Bravo, Your Majesty.

It's important to know

when you've been beaten. Yes.

I certainly don't like the look of these woods, sire.

If you don't mind me saying, they seem very sinister.

They're trees, Renbock.

Trees are just wood.

It's not the trees I'm afraid of, sire.

You know, there are stories of a man-eating Beast

inhabiting these parts.

It thrills my heart to no end

thinking that my traveling companion still believes in fairy tales.

If you don't mind me asking, when does Your Highness think we're going home?

We've been on the road for months.

I just thought perhaps we could take a break.

We didn't set out seeking a vacation.

We set out seeking an adventure.

- Adventure, yes. - And we're going to find one.

I really don't think this is a good idea, sire. We should ride on.

Not until we find out what's in these woods.

- Go around. - Go around.

- Giants! Renbock! Renbock! - Giants!

After him!

- You there! Empty your pockets! - What?

He said empty your pockets!

Yah!

Ha-ha!

- Give me that! - Sit down!

Stay down!

I found some roadkill!

- Do you concede? - Do you?

Yeah, do ya?

Oh!

Sire.

What's so funny?

You're not a giant! None of you are giants.

Your point is?

Well, you can't expect me to fight you.

Ah! Then he concedes!

- Yeah! - Of course he concedes.

Uh, I most certainly do not.

I'm simply stating that I will not fight a bunch of dwarfs!

- Why? - You're miniscule!

- Miniscule? - Diminutive?

- Runts? - Thank you. Runts?

- Runts? That's the best you got? - So uninspired.

The village idiot used to call us that.

Take you the whole day to come up with that?

It doesn't matter! You're short, and it's funny.

Funny? Not as funny as my blade against your throat.

Ease back. All we want is his gold.

- I've got his saddlebag. - Now we're talking!

Let's get a look in there. Come on, get it opened there.

- That is not your property! - Eh, whatever.

Get your hands off of that immediately!

Give them what they want, sire.

Nonsense. Apparently somebody has to teach a lesson to these children!

No one is to know the details, Renbock.

Understood?

Say it!

No one needs to know the details, Your Royal Highness.

Happy birthday, Snow!

- You remembered. - Of course we remembered.

A girl's 18th birthday is the most important birthday of them all.

Do you want to know what I wish for your birthday, Snow White?

You can't make a wish for me.

Do you know why I continue to work

for that wretched queen year after year?

I do it because I know that one day

you are going to take back your kingdom,

and I want to be here when that happens.

- It is not my kingdom. - Oh, but it is.

Your father meant for you to inherit his crown.

And that woman has the entire kingdom convinced

that you're a pathetic shut-in, incapable of leaving the castle.

And the worst is, she has you thinking it.

Your father's dagger.

I had it cleaned up and polished.

What would I do with this?

Perhaps you need to see for yourself what goes on in your kingdom.

The people don't sing and dance anymore.

They need to see who you really are.

And you need to believe.

I'm going out.

Is she allowed to go out?

I don't know. Is she?

- Okay... - She's going out!

I won't say anything if you don't.

- Pinky swear? - Pinky swear.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

Can you believe that baron?

I mean, honestly, did he really think I would consider marrying him?

A woman has standards, after all,