Somewhere I Have Never Travelled (帶我去遠方)

Are you done changing?

Wait for me! I want to go as well

I'm not waiting for you, I'm going

Please wait for me, Grandma

Are your eyes on the bottom of your trousers?

Might as well fall and die

If you die I can receive benefits from National Insurance Scheme

Don't you have something nicer to wear?

You look like a postman

You are so screwed

Are you going or not?

Checking Feng Shui?

I only have to deal with you every day

Are you Grandma or I'm Grandma?

You are Grandma because you are older

I am not that old

You tightly hold the bottle every day

What the hell is actually in there?

My crystal baby is having little babies

I'm going to show it to A-Hsien

This can have babies?

If this can have babies men would be pregnant

How old are you now?

How can you make Grandma worry about you all the time?

I really don't know what's in your brain I think it's full of shit

You should be happy that Grandma is nagging you like this

What are you going to do if I passed away some day?

Who's gonna cook and do the laundry?

brush your hair and take a shower

Okay, stop this

Here, I think you like scramble egg with tomatoes

Go get some tomatoes

Pick those that look red, you hear me?

OK!

Ma'am

Cutie, what does your grandma want today?

Tomatoes

Tomatoes

How come it took A-kuei so long to get tomatoes ?

I don't know

I have to follow her closely every time

Otherwise I wouldn't even know if she accidentally hit the wall

It'd be nice if she's gone. Whatever

Or I have to worry about her

You shouldn't think too much

I don't know whether I owe them from last life

I have to worry about a son already

And now here come another granddaughter that I have to worry about

Grandma. Auntie.

Is there a mad dog running after you?

Look at what you got here

I told you to buy something more red but the tomatoes are so green

Where are your ears or your eyes?

A-Hsien

Why are you wearing like this? Are you a ninja turtle?

Mushroom head

See, my crystal baby is having little babies

Really...

Stop this... I want to read

I ride around the world

Hey, come over here for a second

The Thai people usually wai first...Wai

And then shake hands...Shake hands

Brother, what are you doing?

Let's practice how people in different world greet each other

Okay Okay

Then we won't be impolite when we meet foreigners

People from Senegal put other's hands on your own forehead

You have a fever

You are nuts

Indians touch other's chest with one hand

And use the other to touch the cheek

Touch gently!

Maori from New Zealand...

Come here... they use their noses to touch other's bodies

You stink Did you wash your head or not?

Yes!

-Tanzanians from Africa... -You head stinks as well

They will squat down when they meet the elders

Hey, I'm an elder and you have to squat

Squat

Squat down and then look at somewhere else

Look at somewhere else and clap Clap!

Wow, that looks like Jay Chou. Good!

And then the Eskimo

Come over here They press their noses together

Tadzhikistan from Xinjiang

The younger general will have to kiss the palms of the elders

Who's the elder?

Me!

I'm the elder and you are the youngster

Kiss my palm, hurry!

The elders will have to kiss the youngster's cheek and eyes

And eyes, okay

You are gross I'm going to kick you out!

The Kikuyu in East Africa...Hmm, nice!

They pray for blessings for others

And at the same time they spit on other's palm

You are disgusting

Here it comes

You really spit! Damn, you are screwed

Get over here

You are so gross

Russians hug each other tightly...

Come on, let's continue

No, I don't want to play anymore

I'm going downstairs to find Grandma

Take a look here... You might as well just fall and die

Chick, you don't want to get married?

God damn

God damn it

What the hell is wrong with you?

You don't look where you go?

Have you got your handkerchief and tissues?

Yes...

You got the color pens for your art lessons?

Yes

And your brain?

Yes!

You always leave it at home

Says who!

Time to eat

Grandma, we need another extra bowl and another pair of chopsticks

Eat your meal

Not another one...

The one that uncle picks this time is prettier.

There was one leg missing last time

He got one back last night by walk?

Police

By a chartered car

The police didn't even ask and knew he lived here

Why didn't you tell him

Drinking is bad for the liver

Drinking is bad for the liver

If he would listen Dogs would be able to wear boxers

If you would listen Dogs would be able to wear boxers

If you don't have a healthy liver Your life will be difficult

Your life's difficult

The grass is green

The flowers are red

Remember and don't mess it up again

Okay

Mom, I got the fish here

Uncle

Where's the fish from?

A-fa from the next door fished

Have you eaten?

Not yet

Come over and eat

Mom, you've got a really stylish hairdo

Because of A-kuei

I was asked to her school today

Did she argue with other people?

No, not that

The teacher said she's different from other people

She can't even draw

She drew the sun black

And drew green on a human's face

You genius

What are you laughing at?

You are PICASSO.

The teacher suggested that I should take her to see the psychiatrist

I did, I told the teacher

I took her to get a ghost busting from Master A-ming

I was only talking about it

All teachers turn over to look at me

I think after listening to what you said all teachers need to get ghost busting

Come on, do your homework

What did Master A-ming said?

He said her soul was taken away

But it'll come back when she grows up

That's good Then what are you worried about?

I'm worried whether she is voodooed

Or she's really slipping her mind

And fall accidentally

And gets bruises all over her body

I don't think she's haunted, Grandma

I think she is just not paying attention

Hey, where are you looking at?

Your sister is teaching you.

You are not concentrated

What is this character composed of?

It's written like this

Make a sentence

He committed suicide because he was puzzled about something

What kind of sentence here?

So pessimistic

No wonder your sun is black

This is what I see from TV

You watch too much TV

Here, how do you pronounce this word?

Yu (means an island)

Make sentence

There's an island in the middle of the sea

I really want to go and take a look

Very good

She learned it from the soap opera

Up and down, up and down

What about this?

Up...