This Way Up

- And there's your receipt. - Thank you.

It just... Erm...

Right. So, erm...

Do we, do we just go, or...

do you do a bit of a speech, or what happens now?

Well, we're sad to see Aine go. We've loved having you here.

Oh God, I've had the time of my life, I hope to come back as often as my schedule allows

I'm sorry you didn't have a great time.

No, I didn't expect it to be a great time, Teresa, I'm not stupid,

- I just, it's a lot of... Shona's money... - Don't worry about it.

No, I'm just saying cos I think the facilities could have been nicer,

- like the website shows. - Yeah, I know.

In fairness to Aine, when I booked her in,

- the website did make it look like there was a jacuzzi... - Yeah.

And the jacuzzi was half how I convinced her to come here in the first place!

- Yeah! - You know, cos I said, you know...

- at the worst, if she came, at least there'd be a jacuzzi. - Yeah.

Of course, as it turned out, it's just a picture of a...

- Duck pond. - Duck pond. - Yeah. - Which...

But, like I said, this is not a spa, it's a rehab facility,

- so we plough our money into care and therapists. - Yeah, I know,

- but I just don't see how a jacuzzi... - Or a plunge pool.

.. would be a bad thing for people who just needed a bit of a boost.

Mm-hm.

Come on, Sho, it doesn't matter.

So, any other... feedback, before you head off?

Why are you saying it like that?

Why are you saying "feedback" like that?

All businesses should appreciate feedback, OK?

I'm in business, I love feedback.

- And yeah, I do, actually, and don't take it the wrong way... - Oh, just leave it, Sho. - Just on

e second.

Also on your website, you say you get all sorts of people here.

But Aine tells me, when they were having the group therapy sessions,

- they mainly dealt with addiction and not with... - Nervous breakdown?

Oh, is that what I fall under?

- I thought it was mostly Bs, creative type. - Don't be sarky!

- I'm not, I'm being sassy! - I'm gonna punch your face in a minute.

I actually have some practical feedback.

- Oh, good. - Just as regards snacks.

So I was thinking,

mini-bars...

I'm actually being serious, Teresa! Because one day,

when I was really low, I would've happily paid

double the recommended retail price to eat a Kit Kat

without everyone gawping at me.

And ideally, in a fucking jacuzzi.

I'm sorry for cursing there.

That's OK.

Erm, can I have the...

- car keys? - Mm.

Erm... Yeah.

Thanks, er, for everything, Teresa.

- Bye. - Bye-bye.

Oi, oi!

Take me with ya!

Is she, um...

Is she fixed?

It's just, I didn't really see this coming, so...

I can see you guys are close, yeah?

Yeah, well, she's my only sister. Or brother, or...

I know this must have been a shock.

Cos with someone like Aine, we try and get them back to a place

where they can care about themselves enough to take care of themselves.

When she got here, she could hardly open her eyes,

and now she's... complaining about Kit Kats.

She's made of hardy stuff.

OK.

- Yeah? - All right.

Cool, thank you for that.

Bye. - Bye. - Oh, and, um...

I mean, that's kind of what I meant. Earlier.

You know, when I said about a speech, what you just did.

So, I don't know, next time... I mean, this is feedback.

Yeah. Thanks.

Right, guys, OK.

This should be easy by now, OK? The family.

We all know that Kourtney is the...

Eldest.

Very good, yes.

But Kim is the...

- Second eldest. - Second eldest, very good.

But after that, then we have Khloe.

- Khloe is the... - Middle.

Middle, Mo! Yes, fantastic!

Now, she was -- past tense -- WAS the youngest.

Until along came...

- Kendall and Kylie. - Kendall and Kylie.

And they are the daughters... The daughters of...

- Kris. - Kris! Yes, very good.

Give me a high five -- lovely.

Now, Kris, who is the...

- Mother. - Mother!

Welcome, Victor! Hello! Yes -- mother. Fantastic.

OK, so they are the daughters of Kris and Caitlyn.

Also the mother.

.. Is Caitlyn Jenner, the mother.

Eh...

I don't think that

she... is the mother...

She's Caitlyn?

She is Caitlyn. Exactly. And that ends that chat.

I love this TV Friday.

Oh, yeah. And who doesn't love the Kardashians?

No, that was a rhetorical, not a real question.

So you can put your hands down.

Uh, in Romania, I see Kardashians all the time.

I have big TV.

Oh!

But here, Sky TV, a lot money.

Only laptop, or BBC.

So Sky TV

costs... You getting this down, on your thing?

Costs too much money. Mm-hm.

Rent costs too much money.

Yes, rent costs too much money.

And guys, listen. I know it can be tough.

It can be tough. But you know what?

Love...

costs...

nothing!

- Aw! - Aw!

Love costs zero pounds.

And I love you.

And we love you!

Ah, stop it, you're breaking my heart!

Right, fill out all of those worksheets by Monday, though,

or I will Brexit the lot of you.

It's the weekend!

Give yourselves a round of applause!

It's the weekend!

- Keeping it professional in here? - Yes, very much so.

Actually, Mo, can you take out those plugs,

I spilled water all over the sockets. So just be careful.

No, Mo, don't touch that socket if it's wet. Aine...

I'm a-joking! It's one of my little jokes for you.

Hi, Emma, Aine here.

Just wondering what to bring for dinner tonight,

I'm thinking pavlova or a bag of ketamine!

I'm super-psyched to meet all your friends...

You are literally just texting me as I talk to you on the phone.

"Sophie being weird about people she doesn't know coming,

"don't think I can bring you along any more..."

Oh, yeah, that is totally fine!

Eh, I totally get that.

Um... Eh... Yeah, I had loads of other things to do anyways.

Yeah, I'll just eat the pavlova and ketamine myself.

Have a great night. Bye!

'Hi, you've reached Shona's voicemail. Leave a message.'

Uh, hello, Shona, it's me, Dr Morag Sporran

from the STD clinic.

I'm ringing re your test results.

Unfortunately, confirming our worst fears,

your fanny is rotten from the inside out.

So we're going to have to remove it.

Ah...

Hi, it's me. What are you doing tonight?

Ring back when you get this. OK, bye!

Archway Psychotherapy.

Hiya, yeah, could I speak to Helen, please?

Are you a patient, or family?

Um, patient.

I'm afraid she's not free right now. Want to schedule a call for next week?

Eh, could I just not speak to someone... Helen, now?

Just cos I've, erm....

I've just shoplifted a smoothie, so feeling a bit...

Actually, could I speak to Helen about this rather than you?

I'm waiting schedule a call for next week.

No, cos I said... What if I was about to kill myself?

Are you?

Would that get me through to Helen, if I said I was?

No. As I say, she's unavailable.

Thanks for nothing. Bye.

- Hey. - Hi, you OK?

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here? Stop flirting with me, Vish, you're my suster's boyfriend!

Look, she is five minutes behind me, OK,

so don't make her late.

Is that you, Aine?

No, it's your elderly neighbour, Mildred!

Psst! Hey! That is a sourdough I'm proving under a tea towel.

It is my little newborn. So don't poke it.

I will not make her late and I will not poke your sourdough.

- Love you! - Bye. - Please don't be late.

Hey, that homeless man out the front of your building's nice. You get my voicemail?

No, I got your text, what's wrong?

Listen to it, it's really funny.

What do you mean, listen to it, I'm in a rush!

You have that party tonight, the dinner party?

Eh, no..?

Oh, no! Why, what happened?

Oh, no, it's just turned into like a pub thing later.

Oh, that's more fun, probably.

- Yeah. - Chance to meet new people.

- Mm-hm. - Bruce reckons he makes £200 a day out there.

Who?

"Who". Homeless guy.

Don't eat that fruit salad!

It's Vish's breakfast.

God, Vish is driving me nuts right now.