The Grand Tour

Hello, everyone!

Hello!

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thanks, everyone.

Hello.

- (CHEERING CONTINUES) - Thank you.

Thank you. - Thank you so much, everyone.

Thank you and welcome. Welcome!

And in this show, we have literally everything

the motoring enthusiast could possibly want.

A shopping centre...

an explosion...

and a man banging a pole.

Exciting stuff, isn't it?

That... That is all to come - but we start with this.

If you're wealthy and you have nothing to do all day long,

you're going to develop a drink problem.

It's inevitable and it always happens.

Paul Gascoigne, Queen Mother...

- James May. - (LAUGHTER)

But if you're from the United Arab Emirates,

you can't do that.

So instead, they buy toys that run on the stuff

that made them rich in the first place.

What, gold?

No, James. Not gold. Go and have another gin.

That's why this week,

I've taken The Grand Tour to Dubai.

So let's start out here.

And let's start with this.

Ah-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

This is what's called a Sandrail.

A vehicle built specifically to play in places like this.

Whoo! Ha-ha!

Admittedly, they were invented in the USA.

But here in the UAE,

things are a bit more hardcore.

In America, they turn these out with 300, 400 horsepower.

Over here, they've dialled that up.

To 1500.

Ho-ho!

And they run them on these incredibly aggressive

paddle-style tyres.

Which means it can accelerate from 0-60

in under three seconds.

That's supercar speeds - on sand!

Holy mo... It's...

Roughing hell!

I'm doing (BLEEP) wheelies!

Jesus! Ohh-ho!

That's insane!

I'm in love!

Keen to see what else the locals are driving,

I headed back into town.

This is called the Ripsaw

and it's built by a small American firm

who specialise in extreme off-road vehicles.

Their customers are mainly the military

and the people who make the Fast & Furious films.

However, if you have the money -

uh... look where we are -

you can have a Ripsaw built just for you,

as your own private run-about.

So, let's see what it's like.

Oh, and straight away we are in thumbs-up territory.

Gull-wing doors.

Safety.

It's a tank. I'm in a tank. It's matte black.

Ha-ha-ha!

I'm on the road!

Because each Ripsaw is custom-made,

there is no definitive price list.

But I can tell you,

this one cost its owner around £300,000.

For that, you get what's billed as a high-end luxury supertank.

And if you're nine, which I am,

it doesn't get much better than that.

On the luxury front, I've got air-con,

electrically adjusted leather seats, stereo.

I mean, it's hardly a Bentley Bentayga in here

but look at all the controls and switches.

I've got winches, work lights,

a light bar.

And who doesn't want

a Thunderbirds-style steering wheel?

Ooh. Roundabout.

Yeah.

Ooh. Yeah, I'll be honest,

visibility is a bit poor out the sides.

It should get marked down for that.

And it turns out

visibility isn't the Ripsaw's only drawback as a city car.

So here I am at the shops, looking for a parking space.

As you do.

And... Well, you can see for yourself.

They haven't thought somebody might turn up in one of these.

Thankfully, because the Ripsaw weighs nearly four tonnes,

and is a tank,

it can get round this issue.

There we go.

I think at the next management meeting,

they'll be having a serious rethink about the width of their parking spaces.

Morning, shoppers.

To be fair, this is a very big shopping centre.

This is easier than walking. It's miles.

Ooh, that reminds me. I need to get cat food.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find the pet shop

so it was time to leave.

I'm going to go out the way I came in. I don't want to make too much mess.

And right now, you'll be thinking:

how's he going to do a three-point-turn in that thing?

Ah, this is actually better than that.

For in-town manoeuvrability, this is a tremendous feature.

I'm surprised more manufacturers don't fit it.

Although the Ripsaw is, in its own unique way,

a good town run-about,

it's definitely at its happiest...

...out here.

With a huge 6.6 litre diesel V8,

the standard Ripsaw is acknowledged as the fastest tracked vehicle ever built.

But this particular Ripsaw is not the standard model.

In a normal state of tune it's 400 brake horsepower.

This one's been taken up to 700.

And 975 pounds feet of torque.

Nearly four tonnes of off-road tank

travelling at 60mph perfectly happily.

It is mighty.

An equally surprising sensation is the ride.

I thought, because it's tracked, it'll just be solid and incredibly brutal.

But it has suspension.

More suspension travel than a Range Rover,

so it's supple.

Suddenly, it's more gazelle than rhino.

This thing rocks.

And when it comes to bashing the dunes,

the Ripsaw is in a league of its own.

A Land Rover Discovery can climb a gradient of about 45%.

This thing, 75.

That's damn near vertical.

Boom! Ha-ha!

This is the moment when, in desert driving:

"Oh, no! What's beyond? What's beyond?"

But I'm not worried, cos I'll be fine.

Ha-ha.

Yeah!

I've driven in deserts a lot,

never in something that just feels this capable.

I mean, camels are good in the desert, yeah.

But this is better.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

What a device.

I love this thing.

I want one, I want one. Yep!

- I really, really want one. - I do.

Very nice.

Not bothered about that 1400 horsepower thing, but "that".

Yeah.

I must ask, though, can you drive a tracked vehicle on the road in the UK?

- Well, the Army can. - Apart from the Army.

You're not allowed to drive a tracked vehicle that's going to damage the road,

but the Ripsaw's OK because the tracks are rubber.

And of course, because they're rubber, if you're a complete nincompoop

and you crash into somebody's treasured BMW,

it does less damage... Did you see that?

Did you know you had even done that?

No.

It's a tank. Which is why I love it.

And now it is time for us to pop into the post office of chat

on Conversation Street.

Now...

...as this is the start of a new year,

we thought we'd have a look at some of the cars we...

we're looking forward to coming along in 2018.

It's actually quite a car-ry Conversation Street.

And I want to start with the Bentley Continental GT,

cos that's been around for what, 15 years now?

- Yeah, it is. - 15 years.

Anyway, they've restyled it, given it an all-new look.

Here it is.

Wow, that is radical, isn't it?

Yes, all they've changed... What?

Well, it's a good question.

Anyway, on the inside, they say it has "driver-orientated instruments".

As opposed to what?

Yeah, no idea.

They say the central command screen is "retina quality".

I hope it's not my retina quality.

It'll be sort of slightly blurry and a bit bloodshot round the edges.

Actually, if you defocus my camera

you can see what it would look like.

- (LAUGHTER) - Like that.

Actually, that's better.

Yeah, to be honest, I wish I had your retina,

- sitting here looking at you - it's better. - I do.

So anyway, in short, this car looks the same as it did before.

It has a speedometer you can see

and a satnav screen that's in focus,

all for £150,000.

No, but actually, to be fair, for a W12 twin-turbo car like that,