South Park

Hey, Dad, you think maybe we could go to Build-A-Bear today?

Butters, for the last time, you can't go to Build-A-Bear.

But they said they were open again, so I --

Yes, they're open, but we are not the Johnsons,

and we do not go to non-essential businesses

when it's non-essential!

Hey, do you people mind?!

You're supposed to wear your mask over your nose.

Looks like you're wearing a diaper for your chin.

Chin diapers don't help.

What the?

What's going on now?!

Something at the town square! Everyone's gathering!

Well, are we protesting, or are we rioting?

No, no. It's something to do with the pandemic!

Something big's going on.

Stay here, Butters.

Randy: Hey, everybody. Can everyone hear me okay?

Thanks for turning out, everyone.

You know, we've all been through a lot these past several months.

We've shut down, and people have lost their businesses,

lost their livelihoods.

I also own a small business.

I sell weed.

And I have to say I...

I'm actually doing pretty good.

Amazing, really.

Tegridy Farms' weed has seen a 400% increase in sales

since the shutdown in March.

I see Thomas Turner out there.

Thomas opened a restaurant in SoDoSoPa.

Doesn't seem like such a good idea now, does it, Turner?

And there's Marley Jarvis,

who owned and operated her own tanning salon.

Whoops.

But I can't just stand here and gloat

because Tegridy Weed is about giving back to people.

And that's why I'm very proud to announce

that Tegridy Weed is having a Pandemic Special!

An all-new hybrid of our best weed

sold at nearly 10% off our usual price.

Not only that, but when you buy three pounds or more

of the Pandemic Special,

you get a complimentary Pandemic 2020 bong.

We are a community.

Let's all be together with Tegridy.

I think people are really excited.

What do you think?

A Pandemic Special, Randy? Really?

What?

People are hurting.

People are dying, Randy.

And all you can think about is making a special about it?

I'm doing something positive to try and help.

People really need this right now.

You are a child, Randy!

These are very serious times, and nobody wants

or cares about your stupid special right now!

We'll see if they like my special.

Wow!

For what?

As long as I want!

Oh! 9:00 a.m. Time for school!

Mrs. Nelson: Good morning, guys.

Everyone ready to start school?

- Good morning! - Hi!

- Hello! - I'm -- I'm here!

Okay, I think we're all here.

I see Jimmy and Clyde are on now.

Eric, are you there?

Yes, Teacher, I'm here!

I can't wait to start schoo-- schoo--

schoo-- eh... eh...

Oh, no, Eric, I think your computer is freezing up again.

Oh, no. Really? Can you guys hear me?

I just said -- Eh.

Eh. Eh. Eh.

Eric, you'll just have to listen again, okay?

Best you can. So let's start today, guys,

by going over yesterday's grammar examples.

Wendy, can you read the first one?

Eric, aren't you supposed to be on your Zoom call?

Sweetie, I know these are challenging times.

But we all still have to try and do our work.

Computer keeps freezing, Mom.

Maybe if you were an essential worker,

we could afford faster Internet.

I at least need you to get some of your homework done, okay?

And then m-maybe take a shower.

Oh, what a folly a shower seems

when my generation is being denied their lives!

I can't see my friends. I can't even go to school.

How I miss Kyle. Heh heh heh heh.

Sweetie, it's all going to be over soon.

They're actually talking about school opening up again

in a few days!

What the fuck are you talking about?

There's going to be a big meeting.

Sounds like they're trying to get you kids back to school!

We can't go back to school. There's a fucking pandemic!

But they're talking about maybe staggering you kids

every other day -- They can't do that!

Eric, you're going to be able

to be with all the other kids again!

Oh, no, I see! There's all this horrible stuff going on

in the world, but apparently Cartman's life doesn't matter!

-Eric, you can't -- -Ahp! Get back! Get back!

Six feet, Mom! Six fucking feet!

Randy: Okay. Thank you very much!

Hope you enjoy the Pandemic Special!

Hi! You here for the special? Here you go.

How was school, Stanley?

It's not school. It's a frickin' joke.

We're not even learning anything.

I know this has all been really hard on you, Stanley.

Do you want to talk about it?

No. I'm fine, Mom. You know, I'm strong.

I'm just worried about how this all affecting

weaker kids like -- you know, like Butters.

Yeah. Well, it's nice you care about your friend.

But if you need to talk --

I know this is really hard on everyone.

Well, that's it, guys.

We have run out of weed for the day.

Oh, hang on. Sorry. Uh, didn't somebody say

the Pandemic Special was a bad idea?

I wasn't saying you wouldn't make money.

I was saying maybe that's not what should matter right now.

Oh, come on. Think about it.

Do you even know anyone personally who's dying of COVID?

Yes! My brother Jimbo, who is in the hospital!

Yeah. Uncle Jimbo.

Jimbo's a fat alcoholic who'd be in the hospital anyway.

All I'm saying is that we can't let

some dirty virus from "China"

completely upend our lives and shut us down!

Please do not quote the President in front of our child!

Sharon, I went to China. Remember? Last season?

I went there to sell our weed, and I ended up hanging out

with Disney and Mickey Mouse. You remember all that?

I know what China's like.

Doesn't surprise me all this shit came from there.

Shelly: We're going back to school! What?

They're gonna let us go back to school!

News reporter: The Park County School District is holding

an all-parent meeting tomorrow, and officials are hopeful

that students can return to school on Monday.

Oh, that's great!

Oh, I don't know if this is a good idea.

The openings come on the heels of news

that scientists are getting closer to finding the origins

of the COVID pandemic.

Y-Yes, we've been able to trace the virus

and confirm that it did, in fact, come from

a seedy part of China.

Ha! Told ya!

And, in fact, we've pinpointed the virus

to a certain bat in Wuhan.

A bat in Wuhan?

What we still don't understand is,

how did a transmitted disease get from a bat to a human?

How can a virus jump species like that?

We just don't know.

Hello.

Oh! Oh, hey!

You could use some tegridy, China!

- Here's to China! Ha ha! - To China!

Boy, you sure know how to party, Mick!

Oh, my God! Look at her! Ha ha!

She is so hot!

I think that's a bat.

Yeah! It's a bat!

It's a mouse with wings!

Hey, Mick? Where'd ya go?

Ha ha! Ha ha! Ooh, boy!

- Ohh! - Ha ha!

Randy, you gotta try it! Go ahead. Take a turn.

Ohh-oh-oh-oh!

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

Stan: If they're letting us go back to school,

then soon we can get back to everything.

I mean, doesn't this mean things are finally

going back to normal? Dad?

I gotta go!

Then sell fucking Epcot Center!

If we can't get people on the rides,

then sell the fucking thing!