I Love Dick

Sometimes I'm convinced

that all my problems would be solved

if I could just lock him in a cellar.

I would bring him his food three times a day.

I would wash his beautiful body carefully and tenderly.

Then when I had free time, I would release him for our pleasure.

We could go to movies, openings, or out to eat.

He would read interesting articles in his chained-up time.

Then in the evenings, he would talk

to me of all he had read that day.

It would be wonderful.

And he would be mine.

All mine.

God, this is awful.

You're fine. Don't...

You're fine. No. Don't "fine" me.

What... Don't... Do not "fine" me.

I'm gonna be fine when you clear my name.

Okay. All right?

I gotta give a speech.

I can't believe I gotta give a speech on top of everything else.

Jesus Christ. Listen.

Isn't this just a little bit sexy, though?

What? This whole thing...

This is a little fun. No.

Yes. The fun part's over.

Oh, you mean the handjob?

No. Stop it.

I wanna hear what you're gonna say.

Come on.

I'm gonna say that Sylvere knew nothing about the letters.

Right. And that he in no way thinks of you

as a Roman sex god. Right.

And that they're a work of fiction

and hence not at all about him.

Correct. Okay.

There's Paula's building.

Okay. It's noon, all right?

So Dick and the guests are gonna get here

in half an hour or so.

Okay. You're gonna run up there.

I'm gonna intercept Dick down here. Right.

You're gonna be able to watch the whole thing from up there.

And I am watching the whole thing. Whole thing...

Yes, I know. That was the plan.

You're gonna watch the whole thing from up there.

Okay. What's rule number one?

Rule number one. No touching.

I won't touch him. Don't touch him.

I promise. I promise.

What's rule number two?

I love you.

Don't mind me. I got fuckin' fired.

No shit. It was not my fault.

Never is.

Dolores, come on, that's the good stuff.

Don't call me Dolores.

Oh, fuck.

Can't give you a loan.

But if you want,

Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I raise the pay to $10 an hour.

No. I'm not fuckin' pouring drinks for out-of-work ranch hands.

Those tips are shit. You know what?

Then go back to college and stop fucking around.

I'm not fucking around, man!

The one time I...

I'm writing a play.

I need a place to workshop it.

I just want to know if I can use the bar to rehearse.

This town is nothing but space,

but it's all for rich cowboys and trust fund kids.

No. Mm-mmm.

Dolores, you can't expect everyone to bail you out

every time that you get yourself into...

You know what, Mercedes?

You sound a lot like Mom.

Okay. I love you too, mi cielo.

Sylvere!

Oh, fuck.

Sylvere!

Uh, you know what? I'm early.

Sylvere... Let me just walk around.

I'll come back... No, you're being silly.

You're our guest of honor. Get in here.

I want you to meet our board president, Larchmont Green.

She is a huge fan of the Holocaust.

Great. And I... just do your thing.

Larchmont Green, this is Sylvere Lotringer,

the one I was telling you about.

Very nice to meet you. You remember Suki.

Suki. How are you? Good to see you.

Sylvere? That's a French name. Mm-hmm.

Do you know what the American version is?

You know, like Pierre/Peter,

Jacques/Jack? Um...

Hmm. I think it's, uh, Sylvester, I think.

Can you just excuse me one second?

Just... I'm gonna just...

I wanna know his American name

so I can call him by it,

'cause Sylvere is a little odd.

Hey. Chris.

Chris. Chr...

Chris. Chris. Look up.

Look up.

Chris.

Chris. Chris.

Focus. Look. Up. Look.

Look up.

Oh, Chris, look up. Look...

Dick is here.

Dick... Dick...

Get up here. Come here.

Sylvere.

You know what?

God. Hi.

That is so... What a view.

Thanks for coming. Oh, Dick, wonderful seeing you.

Listen, I was hoping to get a moment.

Um, do you happen to know where the bathroom is?

No.

Okay, I'll find it. Um, and I'll find you here.

How the fuck did he get up here? I don't know.

But I just talked to him, and it was fucking humiliating.

What did you talk about? What did we talk about?

We didn't talk talk. Okay.

Hello, everybody. Hi. Hello.

I can't do this. I cannot talk in front of him

until you fix this.

Do you want half of a Xanax?

Just, like, a nibble of a Xanax?

So I give you our executive director,

head curator, heartbeat of this place,

Paula Morrison.

Thank you.

Hello, everyone.

Okay, I got this.

I wanna welcome you to the 2017 Fellows Project launch.

It is so good to see some new faces, old faces.

Today, I have such a treat for you.

I want to introduce to you a remarkable Fellow.

Excuse me.

I need to talk to you.

We need to talk.

I know you read the letters.

Please, let's get started. Would

everyone please put their glasses on?

My work is rooted in Ilinx.

In video games, Ilinx provokes the feeling

of being pulled into a circling cyclone.

What did you think of the writing?

They're just a rough... a rough first draft.

Haven't had a chance to polish it.

You are all wild stallions.

Revel in this feeling of being a wild stallion.

Because believe it or not,

this is a feeling that you will take with you...

Does your husband know? No.

He knows nothing. He's in the dark.

Now, Sylvere Lotringer on trauma

and the implications of multi-directional memory

in contemporary acts of violence.

Sylvere.