Marvel's Hit-Monkey

- I wouldn't do that if I were you. -

You pick up one of these in anger...

-and you'll never put it down. -

You and me, we're connected.

And there's unfinished work here.

- - She's hiding something.

I know it.

There are only two things

that scared me in this world when I was alive.

One, ghosts. The other one, Lady Bullseye.

Ito-san!

Killer of killers.

Huh. Eh, you know what? That actually sounds pretty badass.

Now, grab a sword. That thing's rad.

You would like to meet its sister.

- -

The new prime minister of Japan is Shinji Yokohama.

- -Hello, Bryce.

- -Oh, my God!

I have physical form!

Come on, you got this.

You have come for me, haven't you, Monkey?

Don't do it, pal. Look, I made this mistake before, okay?

Akiko won't forgive you.

Shinji Yokohama,

I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of Ken Takahara.

It can't end like this.

What did you do, you animal?

- Mm, mm, mm. -Huh?

You know, I got to the afterlife,

and it was an awesome place.

You know, fire everywhere, super dramatic.

I was like, you know what?

My friend's up there all alone,

and I think he needs my help.

So I figured, you know, we'd go to New York,

kill a whole bunch of assholes who deserve to die

and maybe, uh, you know, see the sights.

Oh. Holy shit!

Hey, look, look! I'm ascending!

Oh, my God!

Monkey, I think you know how I feel about you, okay?

And I-I'm sorry for ruining your life!

Just take care of yourself, alright?

And remember to drink plenty of water!

Where... where am I?

- -

Where... where am I?

I-I-I don't belong here. Okay?

I-I did the right thing!

I'm a... I'm a good guy now!

You can never undo what you've done.

You've killed in anger, in spite.

Your soul, Bryce McHenry, is cursed.

A-a-are you the manager here?

Because I have some complaints, you know,

namely, uh, this hook buried in my asshole, yeah?

Oh, I am sorry you are disappointed with the arrangements

but this is what happens to chodes like you.

Or did we not make that clear in the literature?

Literature? Oh, no, see, I-I didn't get any lit...

Are you talking about the Bible?

No, w-w-w-wait! Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Look, th-this, this can't be the end of the line for me, man.

You had one function, to shepherd the Monkey.

Your purpose with him is fulfilled.

No!

Okay, yeah, but wha-what about his purpose to you?

To me?

Yeah. I mean, you don't want the adulterers, you know,

the souls who skipped on parking tickets.

You want killers!

The real tasty ones, you know.

And Monkey can give that to you, alright?

He's-he's your top earner.

Then why would I need you?

Because without me,

he's just a sensitive little furball

takin' baths and eatin' fruit, you know?

He doesn't have an appetite for the work, okay?

But I, I could keep him on the right path.

I could keep him hungry.

You are certain it's not someone else

you wanna go back for?

- -It's too late to fix the past.

No. No, man. Come on.

I swear.

Look, look, j-just send me back up there,

and Monkey and I will be serving you

the filet mignon of shitbags all day long.

You're gonna love it, I swear.

Hey! Hey, hey! We have a deal or not?

Ya dick!

Wha-what? No!

- -

- -Woo-hoo!

Welcome to the last supper, ya bitches!

Hey, man, it's a whole new city, okay?

We gotta slum it for a while, make a name for ourselves.

Now, once we get an agent,

we can then start taking out some real bad guys, yeah?

- -And, hey, look,

it's not like that mobster was some innocent little angel.

Eh, uh, tax evasion, alright?

All those faulty loans he had.

Also, all the murders, you know?

Alright, this ain't working. Hey, can we get another round over here?

Immediamente.

- -What does the card mean?

It means after four goddamn months of slumming it,

we can ditch the flophouse and go make some real coin.

Okay, her name is Eunice Jones,

but most people call her The Handler 'cause, you know,

she handles shit, you know?

Like, gettin' you way more money.

I mean, she was my agent, and I owned this town.

She's definitely who you want representing you.

- -Well, no, except for the Tokyo thing,

which was, yes, a massive cock-up.

But honestly, she's a big, big deal.

- -L-l-look, I get it.

Killin' doesn't feel good to you anymore, alright?

But it's your destiny, remember?

Besides, plenty of people hate their jobs, okay?

It's literally somebody's job to jack-off horses.

-You wanna trade with them? -

Those hands of yours just wrap around a giant horse dong,

just work that son of a bitch up and down like a shake weight.

- -Will you relax? It's a front.

She used to run it out of a wine shop,

but her clients kept drinking all the merch.

Plus, she gets a little side cash from the funerals.

-Oh, there she is. -

- -Uh-uh.

If those aren't the ones with the chewy middles,

you can piss off right now, Bubbles.

Hmm. Nougat.

Eunice Jones. I've been watching your work. Big fan.

Welcome to the Majors, baby.

Listen, you gonna find out that I am available for you 24/7.

If someone doesn't pay you, I will massacre them.

If someone tries to double-cross you,

I will find them, rip their asshole out,

and fry it up like calamari.

Oh, she ain't lying either. I've seen her do it.

Now I did some checking, and I know you have a code.

Uh, you have morals.

And I respect that. Not many people will.

Tell me more about you.

Tell me what you are looking for.

I didn't understand a single thing that you said,

but, uh, what I can say is that

I get that you are looking for a home,

someplace to call home?

Well, that's what we are, bruh.

Family.

Oh, oh!

Aw. Look at that.

Still represented here. I'm touched.

Yeah, except that one.

He died. Foreign job.

You know, I feel bad about it,

but to be honest, I don't miss working with him.

Okay.

Bryce was a bit of a narcissist.

We used to just say charming.

-Womanizer... - Really?

...alcoholic, breath stank,

-always late. - Oh, fuck this.

I mean, it's kind of a lesson in how

this business can break you.