American Dad!

I can't believe you like this.

Kiddie Wonderland is pretty lame for a ninth grader.

Yeah.

I was 5 when I asked you to take me,

and you've been putting it off ever since.

Still. Pretty lame.

Might be work.

You can't take work calls on father-son day.

Steve, you're forgetting that work is my other son.

Be a father to your job. That's an expression.

Yello? In the flesh.

Ex-squeeze me?

Be right there.

I thought you were focusing on me today?

No.

"Paw Patrol," my man!

Good morning, U.S.A.

Babe?

Babe!

Now, what is all this commotion?

My head's stuck.

Jeff, on the day of my big cat adoption,

you get your head stuck in the banister?

You're not the only one with plans.

I have a huge prostate exam today.

You do?

Yeah, I've been cramming all week!

This. This is why humans need whiskers.

Whiskers give cats crazy spatial deets.

Cats are like,

"Will my head fit?"

No.

Mom!

Now, what is all this commotion?

I'm prepping for my big job interview.

Look what you made me do!

Hey! Banister party.

Why are we doing this?

Klaus, you got to get us out of here.

We all have big plans today.

Do you now?

I have big plans myself.

I plan on watching you helpless losers struggle

while I enjoy these Teddy Grahams.

But lucky for you, gracious Klaus

is always ready to strike a deal.

You open these grahams, and I...

Get us out. Deal.

I can't open Tupperware.

How can I free you from a banister?

But I do have a telescoping driving cane and a Saturn,

so I'll bring your plans to you.

Later, skaters!

So what, I'm supposed to sit at your desk all day?

You're in an office, dude.

The world is your oyster.

Hey, could you fire off a couple e-mails, make me look busy?

Okay.

We have orders to eliminate the head

of North Korea's nuclear program.

This is General Kim.

His anti-Western sentiments run deep.

Every year, our target attends an international

video game tournament in Hong Kong.

He is a massive e-sports fan.

The only time he leaves the security

of his underground bunker is to attend the final match.

That's kind of a poser move, just showing up for the finals.

He's a total poser!

That's the main reason we're killing him!

Plus he wants to nuke us all to kingdom come.

That's why you're all going undercover.

As what? His five gay dads?

As teenage gamers.

You'll fly to China, as teenagers do.

Then you'll attend the tournament's

opening ice cream social.

Chinese ice cream?

- Yeah! - I like this.

I'll allow this murmuring because Chinese ice cream

is unsurpassed in the world of desserts.

The next step will be to qualify for the finals.

That's when Smith will eliminate General Kim.

But none of us play video games.

You do now!

This is the game... "Overwatch."

This is a vape pen.

This is a shitload of mango vape juice.

Master these things, or the world will end.

My main man, Steve-o.

The boys and I need some help, and you're just the guy.

Pound it.

I was so bored I slipped into a meditative state

and had a breakthrough.

I realized your inability to be present with me

created a nasty cycle that explains

my anxiety, compulsions, guilt.

Virgin, bad at sports, bad style.

Yes, okay, yes.

But a weight has lifted, and I'm starting fresh.

You live your life. I'll live mine.

Want to play video games with me?

More than anything, Dad!

Cats are cute as hell.

If I can have you fill out an application.

For a cat? I know what I'm doing, girl.

I got damn near 50.

50 cats?

At first, I thought they were Pokémon,

so I captured every one I could find,

but when I forced them into battle, I was arrested.

In prison, I did nothing but miss

what I now realize were cats.

All aboard!

Good counterattack, Dick.

Nice positioning, Hooper.

Dad, heal our tanks!

What the who now?

You don't know the words "heal" or "tanks"?

I know tanks.

You see me rock tanks all summer long.

Smith, my office!

I'm worried.

The mission requires elite skills,

and you guys are being powned by every Torb,

Doom, and Hammond this side of the server.

Are those Puerto Rican slurs?

They're characters in the game!

At this rate, North Korea will teabag

the entire western hemisphere.

What do you suggest?

Steve's carrying your whole team.

He's like LeBron James,

the actor who single handedly saved the movie "Trainwreck."

Make Steve a player/coach and bring him to China.

I can't do that.

He thinks this is father-son time,

and he'll freak out if he finds out

it's actually work again.

Don't tell him.

Keep him in the dark.

Unless you're afraid of the dark.

Actually I'm afraid of the light because under it,

all of my flaws become visible.

Interesting.

I'm afraid of a woman

named Nancy that lives on my street.

She has a baby carriage full of books,

and I can't figure out why!

Get that shield up, Jackson!

Hold on.

If we're going to pass as teenage gamers,

I got to learn how to vape.

Do I look cool? Hey, guys.

Let's start up again in 10 to discuss counterattacks.

Steve, what am I doing wrong?

You're splitting focus.

Your character is a powerful healer,

but you're trying to make her a warrior.

It's like when you're hanging out with me,

but your mind's on work.

That's being a not so nice papa.

But look at you now.

You're totally focusing on me,

blowing off work and taking me to China.

Yes, that's totally what this is.

Which is great.

So take that focus, and put it in there.

Check it out, boys.

I think I finally got the hang

of this whole vaping thing.

Good evening, my dude.

I hope we're at the ice cream social

because we finna to get our scoop on.

Dab, guys, dab.

Look at all the toppings.

There's a guy by the waffle cones

who looks just like Allen Iverson.

That's because I am Allen Iverson.

Why am I here?

If I'm being honest, it's because the best

pound for pound scorer in basketball history

deserves the best pound for pound ice cream

on planet Earth.

Well, it's official. That's a butt hole.

O... okay.

Francine, where do you see yourself in five years?

Out of this banister. I can tell you that much.

Dang, Franny!

You're crushing this interview.

I'm gonna need more cats.

Welcome to China!

Home of one big wall, billions of regular sized walls,

and this year's "Overwatch" Invitational.

We are underway.

The Americans come out with three tank heroes,

sacrificing speed for armor.

They must be drawing inspiration from the American Bison,

their bulkiest indigenous mammal.

Watch out!