Back to Life

Hi, I'm...

My-rie or Miri?

It's Miri.

People won't think she's still a risk.

People believe what they want.

They're from Mandy. She's very keen to reconnect.

Are you...visiting? Staying.

Airbnb? What?

Dom? You look so amazing.

Oh, shit.

This is all such a mess.

It's really hot down there.

This is the last time. Do you understand?

Could you just fuck off? Dom!

He's married.

You fucker.

I'm sorry. She's not been well.

Are you happy to start now?

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Even murderers.

It was a long time ago and I'm ready to move on.

PHONE RINGS

Ambulance Service.

Yes, I'm on the beach below the, um...

Oh, Christ. Calm down, sir. Tell me what's happened. Oh, God.

You have to send someone. Where exactly are you, sir?

RADIO CHATTER

When I look at what we've been up to

for the past few week, the rain and sad, grey skies,

it's wonderful to be back by the seaside again...

OK, Mandy.

How's your sleep? Patchy.

But you know...

Vitamin D? Yep.

How's your stress lately?

Well, it's the same. It's fine.

How do you unwind?

I wank, but then, I can't always get there.

Right.

Well, it's just that this is a little high,

so you really need to be careful.

You remember what happened last time. I know, yeah.

It's all cool.

It's evidence!

It's compost.

You need to keep a sample for the police.

Please fuck off, Caroline.

What's going on?

Faeces. Foxes.

Foxes' faeces.

Do foxes shit in boxes now?

Probably just kids. Oh, it's nothing to worry about.

Somebody took a shit,

then they put it in a box, then they queued up at the Post Office.

You can download your own postage labels now.

They could have parcelled it up at home.

Oh! Oh, that's totally fine, then.

Lovingly home-boxed faeces.

It's all under control. We've told the police.

Well, er, Tina's pretty hopeless, but, yeah,

technically, she is the police.

Somebody hates me enough to graffiti our house

and take a really big shit in a box.

Oh, no, no, no. Tina says it's probably more than one person

doing these things. Oh, great! So, everyone hates me.

Well, isn't that less sinister, somehow? No, it's not.

Do you know what? Oh, it's my first day at work and I'm already nervous.

Is that what you're wearing?

Yes, why?

Don't just look at me, help me. I don't understand clothes any more.

You look lovely.

You'll be wearing an apron, anyway.

SHE GROANS Bye.

Good luck!

Oh! er, swish swash. Sorry?

I saw you on the...on the swing.

Were you watching me?

Yeah. No, no! Not in a creepy way...

Right. ..like how you watch a pigeon. OK. Sorry I...

I've got to go, so...

Oh, hi. Morning. Billy.

Um...I have excrement on my hands.

Oh, don't we all, probably. if they tested us with machines?

Oh, fucking hell.

Er, is it...is it yours?

No. No!

Good. I'm just going to...

..wash my hand.

Hello?

HE SCREAMS Fucking Christmas!

Sorry. I didn't know... The door was...

Sorry, this just arrived so I...

SHE GASPS Faeces!

Napkins.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Of course. Sorry.

Napkins. Uh, look...

..I don't know if this is a good idea. Yes, it is. It is.

I really, really need this job and I'm going to work so hard.

Just give me... Just give it today, just one day.

You said that everyone deserved a second chance. I did say that.

Yes, you did. All right.

One day. But this HAS to go well. Oh, God, it will.

You can't shout "faeces" at customers. I...I do know that.

Just polite customer service and fish-and-chip efficiency.

Can you do that? Yep. Absolutely. 100...300%.

OK. Good.

How do you feel? I feel very, very, very relaxed and positive.

Me, too. Yes.

I could murder a coffee, though.

Shit, sorry. Oh, God, no, no, it's just a phrase.

It's weird cos, apart from that,

you're just like a normal person, really.

I am a normal person.

Yeah.

I spoke to Tina. She was eating an apple.

She said she'd refer it to the sergeant later.

I suppose we have to trust her.

This is not good. I know.

It's all getting dredged back up, I can feel it.

Oh, God, I don't want to go through this all again.

I meant the caterpillar.

What? A bastard caterpillar has been at my tomato plants.

Neither of them should be alive this time of year.

Oscar... Sodding global warming.

..I'm talking about the threats to our family.

That caterpillar is a threat.

It could destroy my entire vegetable patch.

You can buy bloody tomatoes from a shop.

Yeah, hot-house tomatoes flown in...

Oscar! ..wrapped in plastic...

Yes, smothered in plastic. Who cares?

I'm talking about our family.

By 2050, there will be more plastic in the ocean by weight than fish.

Can you stop worrying about the fucking planet for one second

and listen to me? What is more important than the planet? Me!

Fuck the fucking planet!

I used to be your planet!

The customer will come in through the... Door, yeah.

..door and, um, you'll say, "Hello, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you." No, I wasn't asking you.

Oh, no, no. I was being them. Oh, right. Yeah.

"Would you like to try the fish?"

Oh, well, I suppose I should, if I'm working here.

No, this is still in the, uh...hypothetical... Oh, right.

Sorry. No, no, I wasn't going to just eat that.

Raw fish makes people very ill.

But sushi's quite popular.

But when it is cooked, you can offer samples. Do you know what?

I think I can probably feel my way with some of this stuff... Yeah?

..cos I'm quite good with people. Oh, now's your chance. Hi.

Go on.

Hello, how are you? It's not cooked yet, so, goodbye.

Uh, it will be, though. Cooked.

Oh, yeah, I'm not eating. I just came to check the place out and...

..I am going to be heading to the bench on the high street at lunch,

hoping to meet a girl I used to know...

..used to be our special place.

Great. Well, have fun.

She won't come. Oh. I'm sure she will.

Yeah, I think she will. No.

I think she'll want to hear what I have to say.

What do you have to say? Oh...

..big things. Crikey. Well, I'd want to hear what it is.

She will be busy at lunch.

I doubt it. She doesn't have any friends.

That's not very nice. Yeah, but it's true. Is it true?

Yeah, but it doesn't mean she's not going to be busy. What do you think she'll be busy doing? Um...

..maybe meeting Janice. Who's Janice?

Yeah, who is Janice? I don't know.

So, can you just, like, see her... Yeah. ..in your head?

I can, actually. What else can you see?

Well, she'd be silly not to meet me. Well, then, she's silly. No, she's not.

She's trying to focus on her new job right now.

Anyway, you are married. Are you married? Yeah, but...

Fuck me. Yeah, and she feels very, very stupid for thinking

that you wouldn't be. Sorry, will...

..will my business thrive?

Well, maybe she would like to hear the full story.

No, she wants to move on with her new life.

With Janice! No! Well, if she doesn't come, then she will

always wonder what I had to say. You're not listening to her! Who is Janice?

I'll wait for her, anyway. You're wasting your time.

She's not going to meet you. She might! She won't. She will.

Oh, my God. Can you just get it into your big stupid married head

that this is not going to happen? goodbye.

OK.

I get it.

DOOR CLOSES

You said you were going to be polite to the customers.

I'm so sorry. I... That was a one-off. It won't happen again.

PHONE RINGS

Hello? Mr Matteson, I need to talk to Miri.

Who is this? It's Mandy...?

Ah.

Caroline! Listen, I've pulled a few strings.

I've managed to get her a job. No, she got one already.

Already? The new fish-and-chip place.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Yes, I know, we all miss the pie shop, Mandy.

Did she get my flowers? Uh...