House of Guinness

Mr. Rafferty, sir… do you think there'll be trouble today?

The man's name is guinness.

'Course there'll be fuckin' trouble.

Behold the fallen idol.

Today, they Bury Benjamin guinness…

…a brewer of sin and debauchery.

Just as his soul will not enter heaven,

his body shall not pass this gate!

So… Mr. Guinness, let me be the last living soul on this earth

to put a smile on your face.

That's it.

Dear lord… ignore the angry voices beyond the wall,

and remember the great good that he did

and the legacy he left behind.

If ye be christians, clear the way for a departing soul,

because his mortal remains are coming this way in half an hour.

Then these cobbles must be the road to hell.

And nor will they pass down bow Lane west,

even if they are dead.

It's gonna be a long fuckin' day.

Okay, boys, hold the line.

And anyway… if we don't stop his carcass in his tracks…

…the fenians will.

This funeral parade for a rich unionist

shall not go unchallenged this Dublin morning…

…when it's his machines of the protestant gentry

that make us Irish suffer at the hands of the British!

The children sir Benjamin leaves behind are weak and divided.

Now is the time for us fenians

to use that weakness and free Ireland from the English!

Attention!

Each of you grab a means of persuasion.

It is our solemn duty this day

to ensure our beloved former employer's path to heaven

is a smooth one.

Remove all obstacles with a firm hand.

If the dragoons draw swords, fire above them.

Spare the horses!

All horses are catholic!

Keep pushing.

1-2-3-4-5

1-2-3-4-5

hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin

1-2-3-4-5

hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin

whack-fol-la-de-da!

Say the word "Dublin."

Dublin.

Say the word "iconoclast."

- Iconoclast. - Yeah, there.

"There" what?

You've been in London so long,

all that champagne has washed the Irish off your tongue.

Yes.

Now, god help me, I'm back.

- So… you're still never satisfied? - If it isn't right, what is the point?

Well, what's the point of getting it right

if everyone today will be unable to see clearly

because of the tears swimming in their eyes?

And who is that remark aimed at, Arthur?

- Which remark? - Your sarcastic remark about tears.

It was aimed at all those who will attend today's event,

as if it were a starting line of a horse race.

You think the tears in the cathedral today won't be real?

… mostly not, no.

Mostly for a purpose. Mostly, anyway, among the workers.

And what about our tears?

I have wept.

We should have all collected our tears in a bell jar and measured our grief.

Do you think Benjamin will ever wake up?

Do you think anyone will ever care if Benjamin wakes up ever again?

Potter.

A note from Mr. Rafferty to say

your father's funeral has left St. James's gate

and is proceeding towards the cathedral.

But such is the vast extent of the crowd of well-wishers on the street,

Mr. Rafferty thinks the cortege may be delayed.

- Today really is not a day for truth. - There's an anticipation of trouble?

Those who despise drink and those who despise the union with England

have lit some small fires.

The fenians blame him for cozying up to the British.

Evangelists blame him for everything else.

I'm sure Mr. Rafferty will extinguish their fires considerately.

Just as Mr. Rafferty often lights fires in people's hearts.

Mr. Rafferty suggests that you're all in the cathedral at ten.

Don't worry about Benjamin.

If necessary, we can roll him up into a ball and bowl him down the aisle.

In the cathedral today, we must appear united.

Yes. And to appear united, we must all be conscious.

Arthur, what the fuck are you doing?

Calm, Benjamin. It's all right.

Calm, Benji... calm. Easy.

Calm down! Calm down.

- Whoa! - Calm down.

Fuck!

You fucking idiot!

That's not my fault!

Fuck.

Hark. Papa's funeral cortège marching peacefully towards St. Stephen's green.

For freedom!

Officer! Get back here and do something!

You lot too!

- God save Ireland! - Go on. Over there.

Rot in hell!

How dare they.

With father gone, the fenians will be trouble.

Dubliners must see we are as strong as our father.

Peace comes in small measures.

Every word you say twists in my gut like a bag of nails.

The twisting in your gut's poitín and laudanum.

Will you both shush?

Just kill each other. Do it.

Get it done. Father has pistols beside his bed. A duel.

Yes. Why not?

An exchange of musket balls before the reading of father's will.

It would reduce the clutter.

Today of all days, we must behave like a civilized Christian family.

Which we're not.

Which we are.

In our way.

Please.

Arthur.

Spes mea in deo.

My hope is in god.

And above all,

love is our hope.

We have 20 minutes.

Edward,

you change your shirt.

Benjamin,

change into some clothes that you haven't slept in.

And, Arthur…

Just change.

I wanna talk with a gag if it's a bottle or bag

I wanna strike with the sag I need the friends from it

I want a shot in the dark I wanna make a Mark

I want to live the arc I call the ends on it

I wanna take the truth without a lens on it

my god-given insanity it depends on it

how I feel? How I feel?

How I feel? I wanna keel

over harder than a turned-up challenger

I wanna keep all of your charm in a canister

do you inspire like the same did salinger?

I'm the pig on the Chinese calendar.

Let me through!

God save Ireland!

If we are not careful, these fenian gentlemen will make us late.

We will no longer suck black Porter from the teats of the English oppressor!

And I hate to be late.

God save Ireland!

Guess who's back on the news

it's your favorite republican hoods

it's your fella with the Nike air shoes two chains, two birds

and we know what's good guess who's back to abuse

every solvent that I choose

two blues and a pint of stout

and never you mind if it smells like trout, foc

go ag teacht I mo dhiaidh ach stalford agus an dup

gach lá, taobh amuigh de mo theach

"go back to Dublin if you want to rap"

a no is éist I'm gonna say this once

yous can all stay just don't be cunts

and don't be runnin' round like silly old tans

just take these yokes and we'll go for a dance

go for a dance

go for a dance

go for a dance go for a dance

get your brits out get your brits out

get your brits out we're on a mad one

get your brits out get your brits out

get your brits out we're on a mad one

get your brits out get your brits out

get your brits out we're on a mad one

fuck.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to mourn the death

of a man who brought peace and prosperity

to the people of Dublin.

If ever there was anyone

who could bring the protestants and catholics of this great city together,

it is this man.

The protestant man who paid to have this one-time catholic cathedral

restored to its current splendor.

A man who treated his workforce with benevolence,

who forbade the discussion of religion and politics

within his place of work.

Also, a man of commerce

that has brought wealth to all layers of society in our city.

He was a man who cared deeply about this city.

He was the lord mayor of Dublin.

And a member of parliament for Dublin city.

And it was in our capital city of London

that he was ultimately bestowed with the title

of first baronet of ashford.

But most of all,

he was a devoted family man.

And, of course, our thoughts and prayers

are most of all

with sir Benjamin Lee guinness's four children.