Clowning

They tell me you're a killer.

Are you a killer, Boy?

Some kind of killer clown from outer space?

You're a real, real funny guy, you know that?

You're a real comedian.

Want a cigarette?

No. Go ahead.

Let me... Let me grab ya a smoke Kid, huh?

Hmm?

Uh, is it turning up a boy or a girl for you?

Son, actually.

any day now.

Mm. Mm hmm.

First one?

Yeah.

Wife and I, well, we kept swinging for a daughter but kept turning out soldiers.

Well, you know what the thing is?

The thing is, the first one's where all the good feelings crop up.

What was your thinking when you first heard the breaking news?

When I found out we were having a boy, that's when it really hit me.

I'm someone's father. I'm responsible for new life.

Yeah... Well, (indistinct).

You're gonna make a responsible living

selling faggy ass chapstick to hippies on the beach, huh?

So, you thought to yourself, "You know, I better start knocking some people off.

Uh, get into a new line of work, maybe, huh?"

Are you pro?

I used to be. Now I just do it for fun.

I've messed with my cousin's board a bit.

Oh, yeah?

Okay! Yeah.

Yeah, I see you.

I've been savin' up, but my mom won't throw down with me.

Yeah, saving can be tough.

How much you got?

Like, 30 bucks and a Clif Bar.

A'right, let me see the money. Sold.

What? Really?

Yeah.

You know, you're pretty limber for an old man.

Are you vegan?

Morning, My Beautiful Bug.

That smells amazing.

It's my CBD balm.

I'm callin' it, "Harmony Rose."

Ew.

No, you can't call your balm the same nickname you call me.

How are we feeling today?

Feels like he's still up from earlier.

My Uncle Jim called.

Woke me up about an hour ago.

Well...

Picked up those vitamins you needed.

Hmm. Also...

Got you some breakfast.

Babe, I thought we didn't have the money.

No, I said I wasn't sure.

Why, thanks, Honeybee.

Is it money from Mama Earth sales?

Yeah, yeah. Here.

Mm. How was skating this morning?

Felt amazing.

Hmm.

How was your sleep? Really good.

Jim told me to tell you that he loves you and he misses you.

Working in his bank wouldn't be all that bad.

It's not his bank. He's the manager at a bank.

Okay, we're doing fine.

And Mama Earth is about to take off.

If I was gonna work in an office, I'd be detective, you know?

Or something fun.

I know, Babe, it's just I get worried about us.

But if Mama Earth doesn't take off?

It will. I promise.

Howdy, Garrett. Hiya, Dante.

Hi, Crystal, how's the bump doing?

Hi, Garrett, beautiful morning.

Mm, if you like sweating through your foundation.

What do you got going on?

Actually, could you come help me?

I'm trying to hang a little something on the wall.

Yeah, no problem.

We've been vacationing in Costa Rica.

You remember?

She couldn't believe how much money she

saved from the Airbnb they got for the week.

That look crooked to you?

Nope. It's fine.

It's insane the amount of money they're able to make in a month using their space.

So my mom thought...

Yeah, that's a beach house in Costa Rica.

We live in Reseda, California.

Granted, beautiful weather, but not the vacationing spot many would hope for.

Yeah, yeah. You're...

You're right. I know it.

Just get it to me when you can, okay?

I'll tell her you already paid.

I do it for Crystal.

Don't go getting a swoll head or I'll break your neck, Kid.

How ya doin', Honey?

I'm well, Sophia.

Just came to, uh, drop off and pick up.

I'm sorry, I only sold a few in the last two weeks.

You by chance don't need any extra help here, do ya?

We're all fighting over hours as it is.

Dante!

Ugliest flyer ever. Birthday clown wanted?

Says it pays $200. How long is a birthday party?

Could be just the thing I'm looking for.

Really. Thanks.

Good afternoon.

This is Em. Who is this?

Hi, this is Dante.

Do you have any clowning experience, Dante?

Sure. Great.

Been a clown my whole life.

That's funny.

We have a party coming in late afternoon.

Is it that too soon for you?

What part of L.A. are you in?

Write the address down.

The street's usually clear for parking.

No permit needed.

Look for the balloons.

The spread of balloons marks the party.

Ready?

You know what I think?

I think you'd been planning this from the very beginning.

There wasn't a beginning, I'm...

Oh, come on!

Who all of a sudden says to themself, "Oh, I'll become a fucking clown?

Yeah, and I'll make money." I call bullshit, Kid.

Well, it seemed different. Fun.

So, uh, what?

You just took your last $50 out of your wallet and went to the clown store?

A costume shop. Yes.

It don't strike you as funny that... That you knew...

Hey!

Exactly where the costume shop was, last minute like?

Can I help you with something?

Hm? Yeah, um...

I would like to become a clown on a budget.

Are you thinking like a circus clown or mass murdering clown?

Hm. Um, maybe somewhere in between.

Hey.

How ya doing?

How's your afternoon?

Complete and peaceful.

How 'bout you, Sug? Were your drop offs successful?

Did ya sell a bunch?

Yeah, it was all pretty successful.

That's great!

What did this week's haul look like?

Uh, just about around 200.

I'm proud of you.

You on your way back to our nest now?

No, I have one more stop to make.

Well, hurry back to me, okay? Love you.

All right, love you.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Dante! In the makeup!

Aren't you funny.

Well, you've arrived just on time.

P! Dante.

This is P, my better half. Oh, wow!

You look great! It's Dante, is it?

Oh, jeez, just great.

Oh, he's even got the big feet.

Wow, you really came through for us.

Has it been tough finding a clown?

Well... Oh, I mean...

Em! I said I wanted scary clowns.

Get it? Scary.

This guy looks like a turd!

Okay, well, here's the birthday boy. Stanley.

Uh, I can be scary.

What scares ya?

If you could use any weapon to kill the most amount of people you could

in the shortest amount of time, what weapon would you choose?

Okay, well... So, so sorry.

His humor is all his own... Knock knock jokes, always.

I'm looking forward to seeing your show.

Tag, you're it!

Yeah... Nice kid.

Oh!

Oh, yes, we are truly, truly blessed.

Every day's a blessing, you know? So...

Well, uh, let me introduce you to the other clown.

Who?

Is that the birthday boy?

Happy birthday, Stanley.

How old are you today?

What's going on? Am I fired?

What?

You have the nerve to come in here to tell me that I am being replaced...

I'm not replacing you...

I... By what?

By... By you?

You're a scrug.

What's a scrug? A true scrug.