House of the Dead

It was a nightmare. So many dead people.

So many victims. It all started a few days ago...

when I came here for a rave.

And, now, all that remains is the rotten smell of death.

You must stop Curien...

or else something terrible will happen!

Nice. So, where are they, dude? We're going to miss the boat.

Greg and Simon.

Greg's the guy I played ball with in college.

A good guy, if not a little goofy.

Simon. They say God doesn't give with two hands, and they were right.

He got the looks, but not much between those ears.

Cynthia... Greg's girlfriend. Pure eye candy.

I am Simon.

Karma. Thinks she's Foxy Brown.

She has a crush on Simon, but Simon only has eyes for Alicia, my ex.

We broke up a few weeks ago so I could study and she could fence.

She loves it. I don't see what it's good for.

Anyone have one of those invitations with the map on it?

Are you sure this is where the boat's supposed to leave from?

Maybe Johnnie gave you the wrong info.

Yeah, hon. I am pretty sure.

It says here the boat doesn't leave until 5:00.

Yeah, and it's 5:15 now, Simon.

Shit. We're so fucked.

They missed the boat to the rave.

If only they decided to stay back in Seattle...

they'd all be alive today.

Unbelievable. It's going on all weekend. You got to come.

And you will never guess who's here.

Hello? The cell phone reception's for shit out here.

Hello, sweetie? I am losing you. Are you there?

Hello? Shit!

Now, where was it you wanted to take me to?

I was trying my best to function as a single guy should.

But at the back of my head, something was nibbling away at my subconscious.

Hello?

What you doing over there?

Good evening. Beautiful day, isn't it?

You got yourself some sort of hearing disability?

I asked you a question.

I have come to charter your boat, sir.

You do, huh? Well, that's too bad...

because this here's a fishing boat, not the Pacific Princess.

Why don't you try the yellow pages?

We got to get to this party on an island, and we were hoping to use your boat.

You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you?

I said, shove off. Or don't you sprechen Sie Englisch?

Why don't you just name your price, and we can skip...

the old-man-on-the-sea routine.

A man's got to eat, right?

What part of "shove off" didn't you understand?

Hold it.

Geez. Who's the U-boat commander?

- What? - How much?

$300 sound fair?

- About 600 might. - Six hundred? No way.

No one is talking to you. Where are you headed, girls?

- Huh? - I don't know. We got this map.

It's somewhere in the San Juans. You must know where that is, right?

You crazy?

- They crazy. - No, I don't think so.

- Excuse me? - I said, forget it.

Yeah, forget it. Forget it.

- That means stop talking, start walking. - Why?

Why? Why? Why? They always ask "why."

You know what they call this island?

Isle del Morte.

Morte. That's Spanish for "death," in case you don't speak Mexican.

Well, listen, friend, I got me an island to catch right here.

And if this is some lame attempt to hit me up for more cash...

It ain't.

There ain't enough cash in the world to make us go back there.

- Keep the cash. Keep the cash. - Let's get out of here.

Fuck it. A grand.

What do you say 500 now, and another five on the way back?

You can be mighty persuasive if you want to be, Mr...

- Simon Cruz. And you are? - Kirk's the name.

Wait, wait. Captain Kirk?

Does that make him Mr. Spock?

I don't like no Captain Kirk jokes.

Now, let's shove off before you say something else you will regret.

All right.

It's all good.

Cap'n! Cap'n!

I am not going. I am not going.

There's evil spirits on that island.

You just get the deck lines and let me worry about the evil spirits, okay?

Ahoy there, Captain Kirk.

This is the United States Marine Patrol.

Stand down and prepare to be boarded, Captain.

Oh, shit!

What are you going to do?

We have no choice. We got to do what the lady says.

It will delay our departure for a while, though.

Delay us? For how long?

Well, I imagine they're looking for guns, drugs, who knows what.

It will probably take them a few hours.

And that's only if they don't find nothing.

How much to lose them?

Did you forget what today is?

You can lose them, right?

Sure I can.

Who's talking, Alexander Hamilton, Ben Franklin or you?

- It's the second Friday of the month.! - Do it.

Just a routine inspection, Kirk.

Don't even think of leaving my harbor.

Heave to.! Where the hell do you think you're going?

Heave to.!

This is Casper. McGyvers and I are moving out. Over.

Hate to break this to you, kid, but I would have done it for free.

The lady needs to dine on a humble pie once in a while.

- So you have run into her before? - Run into her?

Hell yeah. She's had a hard-on for me...

ever since we got out of the service...

and I didn't start working for Uncle Sam like she did.

Can't blame her for still getting wet over me, can you?

Sweet.

- Come on. - Come on what?

Let's go swimming.

Now?

You're crazy. You're pretty enough to eat.

- You're nuts, baby. - Come on.

All right.

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

Oh, my God. That's cold, baby.

Come on, you big wimp.

No, you go. You have a good swim, babe.

Yeah, fine.

It's fine once you get in. Come on, Matt.

You're no fun.

He's heading out to the San Juan Islands, Cap.

Just maintain speed and distance.

I don't want him to make us yet.

- Cynthia's such a trooper. - Don't come near me.

Must have eaten something back at the...

You know what? Whatever you say, baby.

- God, it's cold. - I know.

Greg, you look like shit, man. Here.

Have another beer. This will make you feel better.

On my face!

Oh, yeah.

- Get back here. - Come on, Matt!

Come on, Matt. Don't play games.

Matt, where are you?

What a mess. What an idiot.

Did you get a real good peek there, perv?

I want to give this to you.

- What's this for? - It's for your protection.

It's okay. I am on the pill.

It will ward off evil spirits.

It will protect you and your friends from harm.

Whatever, Gandalf.

Matt, where are you?

I am lost. Where are you?

What is that?

What is this?

Are you in there?

Are you in there?

Is that you, Matt?

Oh, my God!

Hey, Cap, I can get a little closer to them.

Yeah. Let's keep our distance and see where he's heading.

- Slow down, slow down. - Come on.

Did you hear that?

- Shallow water! - Okay, Salish.

Hey, guys, there it is.

Yes!

Yes! Finally!

Easy, now.

Almost there.

Shut it down!

- I am so excited! - Finally!

I know where they're docking. Drop me off on the other side of the island.

- You want me to radio for backup? - Nah.

I think I can handle Victor myself.

- Okeydoke. - They're on their way.

What do you want to do now?

Let's go. I found a spot for our merchandise.

Start unloading. If Casper comes after us...

she won't find anything left on board to arrest us for.

Yeah, right up here.

Wait. Wait. Let me see that a second.

Well, you're obviously no cartographer.

- What? - Come on. It's this way.

- Smart too, isn't she? - Yep.

Smart enough not to get involved with the likes of you, bro.

- What's this? - Come on.

- Smells like someone farted up there. - Look at all these bubbles.

It's disgusting.

Seems like a storm's coming up.

Maybe so. But that's all right.

Keeps Casper off our ass if she tries coming after us...

while we blow on out of here.

What about the kids? We can't leave them alone.

This is a bad island.

I ain't waiting around for them, not if we have a chance to slip past Casper.

- You'd better keep unloading. - All right.

Fine.