black-ish

New life. A miracle.

One cell becomes two,

then four, then... boom... a baby.

As proud as we are as dads,

it can't compare to the way a mama feels about her baby.

Being a new mom is the happiest time in a woman's life.

Mother Nature has given women everything they need

to sustain life with comfort and ease.

And Bow was no exception.

Her time with her new babies was always magic.

Until now.

Oh.

Say "Jumpman."

Say "Jordan."

Come on, DeVonté.

Say "Jordan."

Hey, babe, look. His first Jordans.

Huh?

Cute.

Yep, something was off with Bow,

and it was starting to make me nervous.

It was starting to make us all nervous.

So we all know that Dad is an unreliable parent.

- Inept. - Useless.

Embarrassing.

And we've all noticed

- that Mom's been a little off lately. - A little?

I've noticed it, too.

Zoey! Freeze!

Where you going?

A party.

Here's a fun idea.

Take your brother.

Yep.

Oh.

Perfect.

Have fun.

I don't know, guys. She seems fine to me.

That's why it's so important

we help Mom get back on her feet.

We can't let Dad be DeVonté's sole provider.

- God no. - Nightmare.

- Doomed. - Se we all need to help out.

Make this house warm,

nurturing, and safe.

Right now, it's a death trap.

I don't know, guys. It seems fine to me.

I can do "thank you" notes for the dumb baby gifts we got.

Perfect. Zoey?

I'm thinking my role is gonna be

more like his cool aunt.

How about I skip this and let him sleep on my futon

after he gets a girl pregnant?

Um... okay.

I guess this means I need

to nurture this baby myself...

Oh, my God.

...by giving him as much

skin-to-skin contact as possible.

He's not right.

I don't know, guys. He seems fine to me.

Bow was so down, I resorted to an old move...

straight-up lying.

There's my radiant queen!

How are you, beautiful?

Fine. I went to the store today.

But I don't need this many potatoes!

That's great, you know. They... 'Cause you've, uh...

You've always been a good shopper.

What's that you now you say?

77 degrees?

77 degrees. That seems warm.

Is that too warm? Is 77 too warm?

Babe, if it is, just...

just turn it down if you're worried about it.

Well, I can't turn it down, Dre. I got to dry the tubes.

- I got to dry the tubes, okay? - Okay, okay.

You know what? You want a massage?

'Cause I can call Yvonne, and she can come by and give...

Is he breathing? I can't tell if he's breathing.

Is he breathing?

- Um... - Let me go check. I can't see.

- Okay. All right. - He doesn't look like he's breathing.

Uh, b-babe, you're... you're glowing!

You're glowing, babe!

Mm.

- I'm worried about her. - Yeah, you should be.

Clearly, she's cheating on you.

No, this is what new motherhood looks like.

She's just weak.

Look, I don't even recognize her.

She's not acting like her normal self.

And... And I don't know what to do.

This never happened when any of the other kids were born.

Well, the twins were born a long time ago.

Earl was still on his original Social Security number.

Hmm. 1...

6... 4...

Mm. It's nice to know that

I can always come talk to you guys.

- Uh-huh. - We're always here for you.

Yeah. Appreciate it.

No, Jack, if something has a skull and crossbones on it,

it's not for pirates.

It's poison.

Ooh. Sorry about that.

The kids are trying to help out by babyproofing the house.

Back in my day, "babyproofing" meant

demanding proof the baby was yours.

Zingo! Mm-hmm.

Uh, but, seriously, though, why are we so overprotective?

You know, when do we stop babying the kids

and just let them fend for themselves?

Bup-bup-bup! Did you clean your hands?

- Yes, Papa. - Mm?

- No, Papa. - No.

Here you go.

All over. In between. There you go.

Back of your neck.

Good boy.

Babyproofing.

Remember when we were young,

and you'd ride around in the trunk with your air hole,

hoping that they remember to let you out

so you could see the fireworks?

Mm. Luckily for our kids, we know better.

Yeah, I never threw Eustace in the trunk

and drove to Tulsa for Fourth of July weekend,

so stop asking me about it!

Uh... Dre, why are you making your kids babyproof the house?

Oh, I'm not making them. They want to help.

Bow's been having a hard time since the baby.

You know, anxious, not sleeping, crying a lot.

This may help.

It's my divorce attorney.

She's super hot. You know what I'm saying?

- Call her. - Oh, my God.

Um, Dre, it just sounds like Bow's got the baby blues.

- Mm. - What?

Cat Stevens got it after she had her litter.

Been there. My wife, she had it bad.

For two years after Eustace was born.

Booked a trip to Acapulco with my brother.

Hard seeing her like that.

Yeah, I just wish there was a way

I could find out what's wrong with Bow.

Y-You know, I-I keep asking her,

but she just keeps saying she's fine.

Well, as someone who hates talking to women,

I find that reading ladies' magazines

is a great insight into where their heads are at.

- Really? - For sure.

I took a Cosmo quiz once to find out

if I was a wallflower or a night-blooming jasmine.

- Mm-hmm. - But I got kicked out of Curves

before I could finish it.

Oh, I'm done babyproofing.

Shh!

Let's have a look.

You call this babyproofing?

Loose Legos?

Do you want him to choke?

Or get strangled?

Is this broken glass?!

Is this a joke to you people?!

I locked the cabinets.

Impenetrable.

Look at this open pen,

just sitting here for anyone to grab!

Babies don't have control of their arms!

They just wave them all around, like...

See?

That could've easily been the baby.

We can do better.

I can do better!

Then show me.

In my good eye.

I listened to my co-workers

and read a bunch of women's magazines.

Some of them talked about postpartum depression.

It sounds like it might be what was going on with Bow.

And they also said a lot of women

don't realize they have it, so I had to be gentle.

There's my blushing bride.

Dre, that's very sweet,

but could you please stop looking at me?

- You okay, babe? - Yeah, I'm...

I don't know why my eyes won't stop watering.

I'm sorry.

You know what might be fun?

What?

If we take this postpartum-depression quiz

together.

Dre, I don't want to do that.

I'm... I'm okay.

Totally. Totally.

But I think we should...

we should take it just in case one of us

has a debilitating mood disorder, okay?

So, I'll go first.