My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU (やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。)

Youth is a lie. It is nothing but evil.

Check this one out!

Heh.

Those who look to rejoice in their youth

deceive themselves and those around them,

accepting in full the circumstances that devour them.

Here.

In the face of the great and reverend word "youth,"

they will twist any common interpretation or accepted notion out of recognition.

In their minds, lies, secrets, sins, and even failure

are nothing more than the "spice of youth."

If failure is truly the designated mark of one's youth...

Hey, is that you?

then would it not be considered abnormal for one not in his youth to still fail at befriending anyone?

Come on, let's go!

But I'm sure none of them would admit to that being true.

They only define "youth" to their own benefit.

In conclusion, I leave you with this:

All you fools who delight in youth...

drop dead.

You're the one who needs to drop dead.

Look, Hikigaya,

can you tell me what the assignment was I gave you in class?

Well, you wanted us to write an essay about looking back on our high school days.

And how exactly did that lead you to turn in this smart-ass essay to me?

What is this? How did that theme result in this?

Well...

Seriously...

Look at you...

You have eyes like a dead fish.

Do I look that rich in omega-3s? It makes me sound pretty smart.

I'm being serious.

Uh, but I am looking back on my high school days, just like you said!

Isn't that how we kids think? I mean, at least nowadays.

You brat... Just cut the crap, okay?

You just call me brat?

Well, I guess I could understand how someone your age would think that I'm a-

Didn't anyone ever teach you that you never talk about a woman's age?

I'm sorry about that. I'll rewrite-Huh?

I think you had better come with me.

Huh?

Oh...

Hello, Ms. Hiratsuka.

I believe I asked for you to knock before entering.

Even when I do bother to knock, you never deign to answer.

That's because you always come in before I have a chance to respond.

And this?

Who's the space case?

Guh!

Oh crap, I know who this girl is.

International liberal arts, class J.

The class is 90% girls, since they score higher than average,

and most know it to be a "very colorful" class.

And the one with the most color of the lot...

is Yukino Yukinoshita.

Everyone at this school knows her.

He wants to join your club.

Uh, Hachiman Hikigaya. Class 2-F.

So, um...

What do you mean, I want to join?

Suck it up.

I'm making you join this club as punishment for your smart-ass essay.

You will give me no arguments, protests, questions, or backtalk.

So then, I'm sure you can see by now, his personality is as rotten as the look in his eyes.

This makes him a pathetic soul who is perpetually lonely.

I want this club to fix his contrary, solitary nature.

That's my request.

I must decline.

Just looking at the ulterior motives behind that lewd gaze of his makes me fear for my life.

I am not looking at those modest breasts of hers.

Seriously, I'm not.

Don't worry. He's a decent guy with a good grasp on risk and return

and he has a need for self-preservation.

He wouldn't dare do anything worthy of criminal punishment.

Trust me, this thug attitude is an act.

I'd rather you just say that I can make rational decisions for myself...

Thug attitude? But of course.

She's not even listening, and she's convinced!

Well, if it's your request, then I can't very well refuse, now can I?

I'll allow him to join.

Perfect.

Good luck, Yukinoshita!

Uh, what?

Come on, are you serious? What just happened?!

A bittersweet memory suddenly came back to me.

Can we just stay friends for now?

Forget being friends. After that, we never spoke again.

I mean, seriously, romantic comedies don't actually happen in my life.

Someone as rigorously trained as me would never get caught in a rom-com trap like this.

Girls only take interest in attractive guys

and indulge in impure relationships.

In other words, they're my enemies.

Do you mind if we just stay friends for now?

Being hated is the fastest way for me to avoid feeling like that again.

So, in lieu of pleasantries, I decided to intimidate Yukinoshita.

Uh...

Quit standing there and just sit down.

Huh? Uh, right! Sorry.

Problem?

Uh, it's just...

I'm pretty confused about all this.

What kind of club is this supposed to be?

Try and give it a guess.

Literary club?

Oh? Why you say that?

Well that's easy, this room has no particular backdrop and no special equipment.

Plus, you've been reading a book this whole time.

You're wrong.

Then what type of club is it?

So, what I'm doing here right now is this club's exact activity.

Then I give up. I have no clue.

Hikigaya, how long has it been since you spoke with a girl?

Guh!

I believe it was two years ago, in June.

God, it's so hot today, right?

More like humid, I would say.

Huh?

Well, yeah...

A compassionate few donate their time... to those who are less fortunate.

Society calls it "volunteer work."

We extend a helping hand to those in need.

That is what this club does.

This is the Service Club. I welcome you.

And as I have been asked, I will fulfill my duty.

I will come to fix that little problem of yours.

Show some gratitude.

Are you serious?

My problem?

So you know, I'm damn efficient in my own special way.

I was third on the Japanese ability test. And I'm pretty good-looking.

Ignoring that I have no friends or girlfriend, I'm in a pretty high league!

In a way, it's impressive you can say all that so confidently.

You're weird. I'm already creeped out.

Shut up! You're the weirdo!

Based on my observations so far,

it seems the loneliness that plagues you

is simply a direct result of your stupid pride and contrary sensitivity.

As for your appearance, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

In other words, as of right now, only what I say is correct.

Your opinion's ridiculous,

but it feels like you're making some sense.

Now, that completes this conversation simulation test.

What?!

If you can actually converse with a beautiful girl like me,

then I believe you will be able to talk with most anyone else.

So, do you think I have I fixed you a bit?

Just so you know, it's not like I can't talk to people or anything.

I just don't make pointless small talk. So, you see, I don't need to be "fixed."

Well I believe you're at a level that will make living in society difficult for you.

I'm coming in, Yukinoshita.

I said knock...

Yeah, sorry.

Sounds like you're having some trouble rectifying our little friend here, huh?

It's because he isn't aware he has a problem.

No, it's not.

What in the hell?

Why is everyone always telling me to change? I don't want other people trying to tell me who to be.

That's how you run from your problems, isn't it?

Changing is a way of running from your problems, too, isn't it?

Why can't you just accept someone for who they are and what's in their past?

That won't...

'Cause that's not gonna solve anyone's worries...

nor will it save anyone.

Just relax, you guys.

You might not know,

but it's a time-honored shonen manga custom to try and settle conflicting opinions with a showdown.

What are you even talking about?

I want there to be a showdown... to see which one of you can do the most acts of service!

You're way too intense...

Well then, how about we let the winner make the loser do anything they want.

By "anything," does she mean what I think she means by "anything"?!

I must decline. Doing so with him as my opponent would make me fear for my life.

That's sexist!

Sexy stuff is not the only thing guys like me think about!

We also think about... world peace?

Actually, I don't think about much else...

I guess even Yukinoshita has her fears.

I never thought I would say this...

but are you that afraid you'll lose?

Fine then. I cannot believe I'm falling for such cheap provocation,

but I will accept.

Then that's that!

Don't I get a say in this?

Huh?

Well, hello again.

I didn't think you'd come back.

Are you a masochist, then?

No.

A stalker, then?

Why are you assuming that I'm harboring some sort of illicit feelings for you?

So, you don't?

No!

Your overconfidence is weird, even to me.

Let me guess... you don't have any friends?

Well, then first why don't you explain to me where the definition of "friend" begins and where it ends-

Please, say no more. That's exactly something someone would say with no friends.

Because I'd say that.

You seem like a likable girl, so then how can you have no friends? What's your problem?

Yeah there's no way you could understand.

I've always been considered really pretty...