It's a Man's World

Charge! -Uh?

Charge, Richard. Charge.

What is it?

-Has it been charged? -Oh, what has Sheridan been up to now?

No, no, no, dear. My new mobile phone.

-Is it on charge? -Oh.

Yes, I put it on charge last night.

Well, please go and check, dear.

I shall need it with me all day while I'm directing the rehearsal.

-I hate historical pageants. -Mm?

Why do I have to be King Charles?

Because you're married to me and I shall be queen.

Now, why doesn't that surprise me?

Do make sure it's fully charged, Richard.

The only batteries running down round here are mine.

Ye gods, that must be urgent.

Probably some poor devil desperately in need of assistance.

Vicarage.

Correction. It's not urgent. It's just irritating.

It's the Bucket woman.

What does she want at this hour?

Find out.

Hello, Mrs. Bucket… Bouquet.

I'm sorry. My husband's just been called away.

You'll be at the church hall all day?

Directing the rehearsals for the pageant.

-The pageant. -Oh.

Oh, yes, I remember.

I don't know how we'd ever have got this pageant off the ground without you.

In fact, I don't think we'd even have thought about a pageant without you.

Yes, of course we'll pop in later to see how the rehearsal's going.

You'll have to go, show some interest.

Oh, that's nice. Yes, I'll write that down.

Pencil.

Yes, I've got that, thank you, Mrs. Bouquet.

Yes, we'll see you later.

-Thank you for calling. -What did she want?

To let us know we can get in touch with her any time of day.

That's a relief. To think we can get in touch with her any time of the day.

The trick is not to get in touch with her any time of the day.

-What were you writing down? -The number of her new mobile phone.

Oh, good heavens. She's mobile now.

The Bucket woman fully mobile.

She's gonna be an epidemic, and there's no cure.

Why did you let her take charge of the pageant?

I thought Emmet was doing it.

Until she came along, I think Emmet thought Emmet was doing it.

Take it through to the changing rooms, dear.

And do be careful with my crown.

In the middle of a civil war, would the queen be wearing her crown?

It's a question of morale, Richard. Keeping up the people's spirits.

I expect the peasants love to see me wearing my crown.

Oh!

You follow Richard through, dear.

And tell all our volunteers I'll be with them in a minute.

-Thank you. -Ooh!

As soon as I've made a call on my mobile phone.

I did tell you I'm now on a mobile phone, did I, Elizabeth?

Yes, Hyacinth, several times.

I like my friends to have my number.

Oh, I think we've all got your number, Hyacinth.

Oh, dear Emmet. What a tower of strength you are.

I shall be surprised if you don't end up as one of the queen's favorites.

Perhaps you'd begin by getting our volunteers into some kind of order.

Alphabetical or monastic?

How droll you are, Emmet.

No, begin sorting out the Roundheads from the Cavaliers.

They can practice their curtsies for when I enter.

Though I shan't be wearing my crown just yet.

I don't want to blind them with royalty too soon.

Hello.

Hello. Is that the local paper?

Mm. Well, I wish to speak with your editor, please.

Hmm? Tell him this is Mrs. Hyacinth Bouquet, B-U-C-K-E-T,

calling on her mobile phone.

Oh.

From the church hall where she is directing a rehearsal of the pageant

and will be available for photographs if he cares to send someone round.

Oh. Well, I'm sure he'll wish to send someone round.

We are, after all, reconstructing one of the area's

most important historical events. Hmm?

I think your editor would agree with me that it is of paramount importance

for people to be made aware of their local history.

Especially with the council tax due to go up again.

However, would you please tell him if he wishes to speak to me,

he may do so on the number I shall now give you,

which is my personal mobile phone

with last-number redial and one-touch facility.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Oh, that's funny. Must have clashed with a banner headline.

If your Rose is in love with a Spaniard…

She's done Spain. She's on Central Europe now.

What's she getting romantic for at this time of the morning?

It's not like our Rose. She's not usually up this early.

Maybe she's just come in.

Maybe she thinks it's still last night music.

Rose, will you turn that music down?

It's not me. It's Father.

He's taking dancing lessons from a Mr. Crabtree.

Your father's dancing with a Mr. Crabtree?

Well, they were dancing to "No Other Love Have I."

I'm gonna have to change his pills.

I should do it fairly quickly.

That's better. People'll see it there.

-Up a bit with that, dear. -Well, how far?

-No, that's too far. -I knew it'd be too far.

I would've bet my headless hat on it.

You'd better put these church notices back, dear.

-Right. -Hyacinth, about those volunteers.

Oh, sort them into two groups.

Graceful ones for Cavaliers, clumsy ones for Roundheads.

Well, I'm afraid there's a bit of a problem.

There always is, dear. It's probably those clumsy Roundheads.

I shall be in in a moment to organize them personally.

In the meantime, try to keep them quiet.

Oh, they're quiet. They're very quiet.

Was that my mobile phone?

Richard, did you hear my mobile phone?

You keep asking me that and I keep saying, "No, I can't say I did hear it."

I'm sure I heard my mobile phone.

No. No, perhaps not.

I do hope you made sure it was fully charged, dear.

Oh, come along, Richard. Leave those church notices.

We have to go and organize our volunteers.

Come on, dear. Come on.

Door, dear.

Now, then, all you volunteers, graceful ones on the left,

podgy people on the right.

Where have they gone? Where have my volunteers gone?

Don't ask me. I'm not guilty.

Where has Elizabeth taken my volunteers?

Um, Hyacinth, that's the problem.

I haven't taken them anywhere. There's no one to take.

-But where have they gone? -Well, I don't think they've gone.

I think they never came.

That's very peculiar. Didn't they know I'd be here?

Yes, I think they knew you'd be here.

Emmet!

-Any more breakfast?! -Have we any more?!

There's another can in the fridge!

Oh!

Do you think your father ought to be dancing with a Mr. Crabtree?

He fought for freedom, didn't he?

I can't understand why they're not here.

I made a point of asking them personally to volunteer.

How very sporting of you to give them advanced warning like that.

Hello, Mrs. Davie? Yes, I'm calling you on my mobile phone.

It's Hyacinth Bouquet here. Hello? Hello?

It must be a bad connection.

I'll try another number.

I cannot understand why they're all not here.

They can't have confused the date. I made it very clear.

Mrs. Gilby? I'm calling you on my mobile phone.

It's Hyacinth Bouquet here. Hello? Hello?

Hello? That's strange.

I'm sorry. No luck. None of them can come.

-Why ever not, dear? -They all have reasons.

Very inventive reasons.

Did you see Mrs. Drummond? Why can't she come?

Her mother is ill. Mrs. Lomax's grandmother is ill.

And Mrs. Duffield's great-grandmother is ill.

Oh!

Ow!

- -I'm sorry, Hyacinth.

It's Father's dancing lesson.

He wants to be ready for his holiday in Spain.

You want what?

You want Onslow to be a Roundhead?

In the Civil War? Well, will there be any danger?

I don't want him in the thick of any fighting.

No, I don't just want Onslow. I want all of you, everybody.

Mm. I need volunteers. My other people didn't turn up.

Everybody seems to be ill.

There's an epidemic doing things to grandmothers you just wouldn't believe.

So see how many you can bring, will you, Daisy?

My Roundhead and Cavalier war's in jeopardy. I'm going to phone Violet.

-Are you sure that's a good idea? -How do you mean, dear?

Well, when I spoke to Violet yesterday,

she and Bruce were having a war of their own.

Oh, I expect they've patched that up now.

One of them will have surrendered.

Now, hurry up, will you, Daisy?

I need to have everything shipshape before the vicar arrives. Goodbye.

These creases aren't coming out.

Well, is your iron hot enough?

Yes.

Is it the right temperature for the fabric?

Have you got it on the right setting?

Oh, you're on man-made fibers.

It doesn't say Roundheads or Cavaliers.

Sometimes I think Robinson Crusoe must have been a woman.

Come on, get on with it. Richard's doing it.

Richard's doing it.

-Richard can manage anything. -I wouldn't say that.

Sometimes when I watch you and Hyacinth,

I think to myself, "Richard could manage anything."

Well, I suppose I am fairly adaptable, but I've always had a good incentive.

Richard! -That's it.

You know, when I got divorced, I thought it was the worst thing in the world.

But since then I've learned that there's something worse than being divorced.