The Awakening of Motti Wolkenbruch

Green leek

- Motti! - Yes, Mame?

I'm worried about you! Is everything okay?

Yes, nothing’s happened. Everything’s fine.

- You have the carrots? And the leek? - Yes, I have.

Is the leek good?

Yes, it looks good.

Did you pick a fresh one?

Last time you picked one that was quite brown!

Alright, alright, I'll get another one.

I'm waiting!

I'm coming. Coming already, yes, yes.

Wolkenbruch’s Wondrous Journey

Mame, Mame! You’re driving a little too fast.

Well, we’re late already.

...into the Arms of a Shiksa

I hope there won’t be only junk again.

Our thrift shop is already full of them.

Last time, at Goldstein's, nothing but junk!

But you didn't want to come along.

I didn't have any time.

- I had to study for my exam, Mame. - Yes, sure.

- Come on! - Yeah, I'm coming.

- Good morning, Mrs Freudenberg! - Good morning.

- Good morning. - Come in.

How’s your mother?

She doesn't want to go into the retirement home…

…although everything’s already organised.

Mame, where’s the stuff?

The things to give away are back there.

Come on now.

Ah, so this is your daughter, Bracha!

- Yes, Bracha. - Good morning!

Good morning, Mrs Wolkenbruch.

Good morning.

Now let’s sit down first.

Have a nice little chat!

Mame, what about the things?

We’re going to get them now.

I’ve baked the cookies myself.

Sorry...

My name is Mordechai Wolkenbruch, Motti in short.

My mother's name is Judith.

You’ve already met her.

And this, this is a shidduch.

An arranged meeting for the purpose of marriage.

They want me to get married at last.

There’s a very clear scheme of life for Jewish men:

We are born,

get circumcised on the eighth day,

have our bar mitzvah at the age of thirteen

and later we marry a Jewish woman

who is as pious as we are.

And then it’s time to make babies...

...one after another.

And in between, we work and pray,

become grandfathers and great-grandfathers,

until one day, we die

and the soul becomes bound up in the eternal bundle of life.

So it is written.

Everything’s nicely laid out.

Whether you like it or not.

- Do you like it? - Very, very much.

Such a nice girl! So pretty!

A real beauty!

Don't you like her?

- I don't know... - What don't you know?!

Well, she... There was simply no spark between us.

Haha! No spark! What do you need a spark for?

You need a wife, son, not a spark!

So, Motti, how was the shidduch?

It was very good.

It was a bit of an assault.

Can’t be any other way with you!

For your brothers I found wives very quickly!

One shidduch was enough for every one of the boys.

I want to marry a woman I really like.

Well! Mr Wolkenbruch has pretensions!

Yes, I do.

But he isn’t exactly the king of the Jews himself!

What do you mean?

I mean, just think…

…if you can really afford to be so choosy?

He will find a girl eventually.

Oh, I won't look for a wife…

…for you ever again! You are a nogoodnik!

Yet another damage claim from the Hirschs.

So, what’s happened this time?

Their children's kickboard has been stolen again.

This must be the tenth time.

I'll have a look in the policy if we can refund it.

- Would you like another coffee? - No, I'm fine.

You are a nogoodnik!

The products on offer therefore depend on variables for the demand for goods.

Yes, please?

But a new offer can also kindle a demand…

…that doesn’t exist yet?

Sorry.

Yes, of course. Take, for instance, smartphones.

When Apple launched their first devices on the market

there were no consumers for smartphones,

but suddenly... a highly attractive offer.

Sorry.

This is a shiksa. A non-Jewish girl.

And I like this shiksa.

Unlike the women my mother is introducing me to.

This is what is called, I think, a cognitive dissonance.

It’s the result of the effect this shiksa has on me

and the fact that as a non-Jewish girl she may not have such an effect on me.

Yossi’s recently explained cognitive dissonance to me

for he’s studying psychology.

Good morning, Mr. Pissologist.

Same to you, pisser.

Yossi, again, what is cognitive dissonance?

A smoker suffers from it, for instance, okay?

He loves to smoke even though he knows that it’s bad for his health.

And what does he do about it?

Well, he keeps telling himself

that smoking may be harmful to others but not to him.

And that he could stop any time.

And so he can go on smoking without bad conscience.

I've got to go.

Take care!

What could I tell myself in this case?

Maybe: This shiksa isn’t really so attractive?

Or maybe: This shiksa isn’t a shiksa at all?

Or maybe:

It’s of no great importance to me whether a woman is Jewish or not?

A shiksa? Motti!

- Here she comes! - Who?

- What's this all about? - You know what it’s about.

Ah! This is your son, Motti!

And your daughter, Michal. What a nice girl!

Give this to me! Here, for you.

So, you’re studying economy.

Yes.

And you sell insurances to Jews?

What else is there to say about you?

Well, I don't know. I find it quite hard to describe myself.

You aren’t very good at selling.

- Why? - Well, you’re supposed win me over.

This is a shidduch!

I think these meetings are...

…somehow very artificial.

I think so too.

I’ve already had nine this month.

- I’ve had seven. - For heaven’s sake!

Don't take this personally but...

this shidduch, it won't work for us two.

Well, I feel the same.

But...

We could simply pretend...

it’s working?

— What? But why? - Then we’d finally have some peace from...

He’s messing it up.

No, he is only a bit embarrassed.

Well, I don't know

It was only an idea. Only an idea.

Although...

I could also do with a break from the shidduchs.

- Really? - Yes.

Come on, let's do it.

My Mame is so desperate she will believe it on the spot.

Very good.

- But really? - Yes, really.

- So, tell me! - Yes... well...

Well what! Yes or no?

She, she she’s fine.

What!

I like her.

Wonderful! Tremendous!

0y Motti, this is... this is tremendous!

What a joy! What happiness!

Ah! Mame, watch out! Watch out!

0y, my glasses...

My poor boy!

Mame, it's no problem, no problem.

Mame I’ve...

Fucking shit!

Ah, a German! Very good!

Why are you happy? You wrecked his car!

So...?

That wasn’t exactly good.

Your fault. You braked your car so idiotically.

Pardon?

Mame, it was our fault.

Yes, I would say so too!

Why are you stabbing me in the back!

Listen, let's discuss this in peace. Let's first secure the accident site.

No, no. I'm calling the police.

Stupid idiot...

braking on me...

When a Jew needs a computer,

he goes to a Jewish computer store.

And when a Jew needs a car, he goes to a Jewish car dealer.

Who will most probably sell him a Toyota Previa.

Not a particularly nice car, but spacious.

By the way, the reason why so many Jews drive a Previa

is the eytse, the advice.

Jewish people are constantly giving each other eytses.