Legit

This is stupid. What are we doing here?

We're meant to be buying Emily a gift.

My waiting period is over.

I thought we'd just come in here real quick and I'd buy a gun.

Why don't you wait in the car?

- 'Cause this interests me. - Hey!

This interests me very much.

I'll tell you what interests me, man.

Georgia has been very nice lately.

She called me the other day to see

if I wanted to have Emily for the whole weekend,

and she was nice about it... very nice.

Oh, maybe she wants you back. Maybe things are gonna change.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

How big do you think I should go?

I think you should go small.

In fact, I think you should go really small.

I think you should go so small

that, indeed, we can't even see it.

Radical idea... don't even get a gun.

You could be the guy without a gun.

That would really throw them.

I'm getting this for protection.

Protection? What a stupid thing that is.

You know, you're more likely to be shot by that gun

than to shoot someone else.

Oh, yeah? What about the guy with the machete?

If I'd have had a gun that night,

that situation would have been very different.

Really, Steve?

Because I remember us being stoned in our underwear,

sitting on the couch.

I don't remember you having a holster.

You weren't staring at the window with a gun,

waiting for guys with machetes to come through.

What if... what if Emily picks this gun up and shoots herself?

I'm gonna keep it in a safe!

Then it's no protection!

What happens if someone comes through the window

with a machete and now you're like, "Wait there, dickhead.

"Oh, yeah.

"You've come to the wrong house here.

"34, 56.

Oh, I'm gonna ruin you, buddy!"

That's good. Is that your new routine?

It might be. Do you like it? I think it's...

No, I don't.

Why do you have to make fun of me

just 'cause I'm trying to better myself?

- Better yourself. - Yes!

I'm finally taking control of my life.

How is this taking control of your life?

Jim, you know Afghanistan changed me, right?

I mean, I-I haven't had a drink in weeks.

I finally have a clear head.

So now that you have a clear head,

you want to shoot someone?

Why don't you shut up?

I have a constitutional right to own a gun.

Here we go. The second amendment, right?

The second amendment, Steve,

was written during the time of muskets.

Let's check if they have a musket section.

- I didn't see many muskets. - You know what?

You don't like it here,

why don't you go back to Australia?

But that's racist!

What... what are you talking about?

I love living here.

I just think the second amendment is stupid.

And by saying that,

you're saying the constitution is stupid.

Can I help you guys?

Yes, my 10-day waiting period is up.

I need to buy a gun.

All right, well, you're in the right place.

What are you looking for?

Something for protection or for sport?

- Protection, mostly. - What do you mean, "Mostly"?

- What, are you occasionally gonna use it for sport? - Yeah, I might.

What, you're a hunter now?

How can you call hunting a sport?

Sports have winners and losers.

When have you ever lost at hunting?

When have you come home, one of your kids is missing

and your wife's like, "Where's Timmy?"

And you're like, "Uh, the duck had a gun"?

Does he need to be here?

I ask myself that every day.

This is a classic 9mm right there.

You should get a knife.

He's a riot.

Yeah, you have no idea.

This thing is badass, man. How much?

That one's 949 bucks.

What do you have in the $200 range?

$200... I have... I have this .22 right here.

Oh. That's cool. Is this a good gun?

No.

What's your life worth to you, though?

60 bucks.

I have something secondhand you might like.

Secondhand sounds about right.

After you.

Thank you.

Think I should get a holster?

I mean, it's a... it's a great purchase, right?

It's a good-looking gun.

Put that in your jacket! Don't keep it down your pants!

See?!

- Mommy! - Elaine, come back here!

What do 9-year-old girls like?

You know, I, uh... I have no idea.

I know she likes the show with the bunny...

that, uh, "Hoppinfeffer" or "Poppy"... "Hoppy Pops."

I don't know. It's a bunny that hops.

I know what we should get her.

We should get her something big.

Something she can't take back to Cincinnati with her.

Something she can only play with at our house.

What, are you kidding me?

That's 350 bucks. I can't afford that.

I spent all my money on my gun.

I have no idea why Georgia doesn't want you back.

Look, I'll pay for it.

Really?

Yeah!

What's the use of having protection

if you don't have a castle to protect.

Daddy!

Hey, pumpkin!

Look what just showed up in our yard!

Is it mine?

Well, I don't see another princess it should belong to.

- Jim! - Hey!

What happened to "Uncle Jim"?

Hey! I'm the real Uncle here!

- Uncle Billy! - Give me a hug.

Hey, darlin'.

Hey, guys. Nice castle.

Where's Todd?

Yeah, where's Todd?

Todd's not coming today.

Really?

Steve, can I talk to you alone for a moment?

Sure. Yeah, yeah.

- Thanks. - Oh! Oh, no!

I've got a barnacle on me leg!

Come on.

I got to go talk to mom for a second, all right?

Do you like it?

I love it!

Don't go in that bit.

Look, before you say anything,

I just want to tell you I know I'm late on the money

and I'm really sorry about that,

but I got a couple irons in the fire,

so everything's gonna be good, you know?

Look, Steve. I didn't come to talk to you about that.

Oh, God. This is harder than I thought.

Oh, no. You and Todd having trouble?

Oh, no.

Well, you can tell me.

Look, I can see that you have made a lot of changes,

and I'm so happy for you.

Oh, thanks. Yeah.

I can tell you're not drinking as much.

Nope. Three weeks.

And I know I never say this,

but you really are a good dad to Em.

Yeah, that means a lot. Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

I know. You know, things are gonna be different around here now.

I promise.

And I want you to know that you don't have to worry

about the money anymore.

No, I'm gonna fix that. I swear.

Georgia, don't worry about that. Please. I swear to you.

- I'll take care - Okay, look. I'm just gonna come out and say it, okay?

- All right. - Okay.

Um, Todd and I are getting married and I'm pregnant.

Wow.

Yeah, and Emily's gonna have a little brother or sister.

That's awesome.

Because y... um...

Yeah.

When the baby comes, I hope it's a girl.

No, I hope it's a boy.

No! I don't know what I want.

I'm just too excited.

Are you excited, too, daddy?

Oh, yeah.

That's really exciting, you know?

You're gonna be a big sister!

Okay, come down here. Say goodbye to me.

Mm!

And I'll be back tomorrow.

- Okay. - I love you.

- Love you. - Bye, Jim.

Bye.