Stiff

Approaching the station square.

Hi, this is Lorri at the suicide crisis hotline.

I'm here to help you,

but first can I get your name?

Hi, my name is Troy.

Hi, Troy, this is Lorri we've talked before.

So, how are you feeling?

Hi, Lorri, it's nice to talk to you again.

Hi, Troy, so how are you feeling?

You know just,

you know, maybe I shouldn't have called this time, I only,

I got home and everything seems so,

I mean I missed my train,

and I had to wait.

There was this guy.

So, Troy, how are you feeling right now?

Desperate, hopeless,

kind of like I'm never not gonna be broke,

and lame, and just stupid.

Okay, Troy, first off you're not stupid.

I can tell that just by hearing you speak

whenever you call, okay, Troy?

Okay.

Good.

Now I know that financial troubles

can make you feel desperate,

but you just have to look past all that

to a future that's more hopeful

and make a plan on how to get to that place.

Oh, okay.

I mean thanks.

It just sounds so easy coming from you.

I don't know I just--

Well, that's what I'm here for, Troy.

It's nice.

I mean to have someone to call and talk to.

There's not a lot of,

see it's just kind of--

It helps to have someone to talk to, doesn't it, Troy?

Uh-huh.

Good 'cause that's what I'm here for you know.

I know.

Troy,

I'm gonna do something I'm really not supposed to do,

but I feel that you and I have a good connection,

and I want you to be able to reach me whenever you need me.

So, I'm gonna give you my personal number.

Do you have something to write with?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll just,

I'm gonna, I guess I'll go to bed I gotta get up early.

Are you okay, Troy?

You're not gonna hurt yourself in any way are you?

Yeah.

I mean no.

Yeah, I'm all right.

I'm not gonna hurt myself.

Because we can keep on talking if you want to.

No.

I mean yeah.

No, I'll be okay, thanks.

Alright sweet dreams.

Okay, bye.

Hello.

Is--

Hello? - Is this,

Lorri?

This is who's calling?

This is Troy from the hotline.

Oh, hey, Troy.

Well, it's been awhile.

How are you?

Yeah, I called the hotline,

and someone else answered,

and I asked for you,

but they said they couldn't transfer me.

I kind of got upset

and they told me you didn't work there anymore,

so I thought I mean,

I mean if it's a bad time.

No, no it's fine.

I just got out of the shower.

I didn't wanna bother you.

I'm sure you have things you're like doing.

No, I got nothing going on right here trust me.

Oh, okay.

So what happened?

What do you mean?

Well, you're not at the hotline anymore.

Did you get fired or did you quit?

I got fired, Troy.

Well, why would they do that?

I mean you were really good at doing that, like, I mean--

It's a little complicated, Troy,

but you don't have to worry about it.

Just keep on calling me on my cell

like you're doing now.

That's why I gave you my number remember?

You're sure it's not a bad time?

Yes, I'm sure.

Okay, good.

Where are you, Troy?

So what are you doing now

that you're not at the hotline anymore?

I'm not doing anything right now,

just taking some time off.

Hey, Troy, I can hear traffic.

Where did you say you were?

I don't know.

It's high up though.

Did you say high up, Troy?

Hey, Troy, what can you see?

I don't know traffic, a railing, a big drop.

I don't know it's cold.

Okay, Troy, I want you to listen to me right now.

Are you listening?

Yeah.

You listening?

Yes.

Good.

Here's what I want you to do.

I want you to cut this crap out.

Get your ass off that bridge or whatever and go home.

Okay.

I'm coming over.

Where do you live?

You're coming over?

You and I are gonna talk about this shit

until we get you straightened out tonight.

Wow.

What?

I don't know I guess I just never heard you swear before.

Well, get used to it.

Now where do you live?

It's 25 Coskeoso Drive in the south side.

I am gonna need a few minutes

to straighten a few things up though first.

Don't worry about that.

I'll be there in like 20 minutes.

Just get your ass home, okay?

Hi.

Not getting any warmer out here, Troy.

I'm sorry here.

So nice to finally meet you, Troy.

Yeah.

Hi.

Thanks for coming over.

Well, great place you got here.

I got it cheap and I was gonna fix it up,

but a kind of didn't.

Yeah, it happens.

My, my, my what have we here?

Thin rope,

clumsy knot,

low ceiling

not long enough of a fall to break your neck.

You just hang there strangling

pretty painful and ugly

unless that's what you want.

You sound like you know a lot about it.

Well, maybe it's not a coincidence

that I worked at the hotline, Troy.

You're different in person.

Well, do you act exactly like yourself at work,

or do you act the way you think the people there

expect you to act?

Yeah.

So tell me, Troy

why do you want to die?

I don't I just--

Don't think about how want to answer me.

Just say what comes to your mind.

I don't want to die.

I just don't wanna be alive anymore.

You want the power to decide your own fate,

a power you don't have in your daily life.

I don't.

Maybe.

My life is just so difficult

and complicated and sucky.

Every one's life is, Troy.

That's the secret.

Every one feels exactly like you do sometimes.

You're not different.

You're normal.

You don't see any point to life.

You don't see any difference in the world with you in it

and the world without you in it,

and the truth is there isn't.

We're all just a bunch of little creatures

scurrying about doing routine acts

that really don't effect anything.

So life is pointless?

That's the shit of it.

What?

Nothing it's just this isn't normally how you talk.

Well, I'm off the clock now, aren't I?

I don't know what you want me to say.