Avenue 5

I bring good tidings.

Six months extra journey time.

Max.

Come here!

He really exaggerates his numbers.

This is a designated good-news area.

No downers, no frowners, missy.

NASA extended a hand, and you shat in it!

Suck on that, NASA!

Joe inspired us all.

May he rest.

He's orbiting us.

This ship is so large that it has its own gravitational pull.

That's a good thing, right?

I mean, nobody wants a little wussy ship.

The three injured passengers,

they're dead.

Zombies!

Those aren't zombies;

those are just the dismembered corpses of our dead friends.

No more will we be treated like cattle.

- Yes! - Come on! Right?

- Eat the rich! - No, not that.

Listen to my breathing.

You hear how relaxed my voice is?

Relax.

Relax.

Your whole being is soft and frail and boneless.

It's so quiet in here.

Your mind is loose and free...

Morning. Stand easy.

Okay, boys and girls. Updates, please.

Let's keep our eyes on the prize.

Mads, trajectory calculations.

We're flying safe, Cap.

Fly true.

Good. Nadia.

Orbital dynamics and subsystems...

What are you having for lunch, do you think?

I haven't decided.

I was thinking of chili, but...

Mads, all systems MEKO?

Yes, sir. Of course.

Good. Sarah...

Auxiliary sensors engaged. Rear antenna primed.

Hello, Mia. How are you?

Hey, Rav. How am I?

I'm in a mixed prison cell.

My back is... You know, sleeping on the floor

is not as comfy as dogs make it look.

Maybe we could... take turns?

I sleep on the floor? No way.

I haven't heard anything you said yet

because of the delay, but I'm guessing it's something

along the lines of what I can go do to myself.

Housekeeping.

What? Wait. I'm sorry can you come back...

- No. - Welcome. This is my wife.

She likes to sleep with masseurs.

He's a reflexologist, Doug.

- It's a medical science. - Of course.

They give Nobel Prizes for that, don't they?

I'm sorry, wait, what's that?

Don't tell me, I know this one. Is... Is it...

- Is it a towel? - That's very funny.

No, it's usually folded into like a...

a swan or a saggy rabbit.

It looks like a human anus.

Yeah, that's a sphincter.

I've got a bit of a catastrophe to deal with

as you know because you're in it,

so I'm... I'm gonna go.

No! Rav! We're not done with... Don't!

Hey, guys. I've been informed by your rat-fink neighbors

that you're still having loud and sexually graphic arguments.

Fuck those guys.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Well, your housekeeper just put an asshole on our bed.

My bed.

No, I think that's a r... No, that's an asshole.

The puckering's beautiful.

- Okay. I can help you later. - Great.

He ordered the omelet with a sausage on the side.

Well, this is a different dead animal

with different shaped eggs.

Well, different is not as ordered, is it?

Maybe eat it with your eyes closed.

Mystery bites.

Before we know it, we're gonna be eating swill from a trough.

It's delicious.

And wrong.

Captain. Come here.

I can see that you see me.

Matt.

Can I wear you as an insult-proof vest?

- Of course. - Mrs. Kelly.

How can we help?

Frank, tell this pair of empty smiles

about your double chicken.

So, I got served chicken and eggs.

Which came first?

They came together, actually. Yummy!

That made you happy. Frank, you are enchanting.

You know what's not enchanting? Your huckleberry tone.

Yes, and I am seething with anger.

Okay, you ready for this? Max, talk at them.

I found gum on my pillow.

So, in some cultures,

that's actually considered good luck.

- Yeah. - Tim, hit him.

Physically if you want to.

The lady at the nursery, she called my son a pig.

Well, to the Chinese, which is most people,

the pig represents wealth and hard work.

They're not the fat, filthy scavengers

- that everyone thinks they are. - Are you kidding?

Okay. Thanks, Matt.

- Thanks. You can stand down. - Unbe-goddamn-lievable.

Go and play with Judd,

because you've been a wild kind of useless.

Max, I am disgusted

at the vision of you being stuck to a pillow.

If you let me have the gum,

I will run it through the dental records

for our housekeeping staff and action will be taken.

He will get fresh linen and a spa pass.

Also that.

Karen, could I just have a quick word?

Hey, what about my pig son?

- You know, I can... - Hi.

I can't help noticing that you have a very special way

- of handling passengers. - Thank you.

Maybe you and I could talk about

how we could harness those people wrangling skills.

Well, that is intriguing. I am intrigued.

Well, you know where to find me.

I will find you.

You were incredible! That was incredible!

You were like Joan of Arc!

Honey, Joan of Arc died on a stake in a fire.

- Well, baby, you were on fire. - Come on.

You may eat that.

Come in.

My door's always broken.

So, if trajectory porn is your thing,

prepare to get your rocks off.

Ta-da. That is your new course projection.

Isn't she luscious?

Turns out Cyrus isn't just not a pretty face.

So it's confirmed.

Bravo, youngling.

Only thing I need now is for someone to fix my cocking door!

Doors are Matt's remit. Blame Matt.

Let's all blame Matt.

We can heap blame onto Matt like he's an empty plate

at an all-you-can-blame buffet.

Don't worry, in six short months,

you're never gonna have to see Matt

or any of the 4,500 other cellmates ever again.

- Five thousand. Yeah. - Is that what it is?

Feels like five million. Karen feels like most of those.

I'm gonna go and fondle these lucky numbers one last time,

and then we're all set.

Godspeed, my sweaty little friend.

Just d... don't let it feel your fear.

One more fun thing. Remember Johann? Portuguese?

- Tall, dead, out there? - Yes.

Well, his arm froze and the top part shattered,

and now, his hand and his elbow are orbiting his coffin.

Come on, even you've got to admit

that space is pretty fucking cool sometimes.

Is it? 'Cause apparently, it's frightening the children.

Also, the women. Also, the men.

The ship is already 18 percent self-sufficient.

We turn our waste fluids into drinking water

and our garden grows basic fungi.

It's incredibly bland, but it's very filling.

It's like eating a lightly seasoned mattress.

I see the tape worm moved out of my ass and bought a suit.

Matt is here because I need more brains around the table.

Last time I left you to solve a problem,

I looked outside my window and saw three dead customers

- waving back at me. - They weren't waving.

Are those protein balls? Can I have one?

No, absolutely not. I need them for my show.

- Show? - Yes!

I would like to go over the rescue mission,

how we're gonna get every one of the 5,000 souls off the ship.

So, imagine that this protein ball is Earth,

and this protein ball is a rescue shuttle.

So then, Earth and the rescue shuttle

are the same size.

- What? No? Jesus. - N...

Did you just launch one of the ships

or did you destroy Earth?

Hey, brains trust. Use your mind

to make one thing seem like it's another thing.

See? She can do it. Hey, welcome back, Iris.

We are gonna circle round like this. Hold Earth.

And then, we're gonna come around closer,