How I Met Your Mother

Kids, as you know, Aunt Robin grew up in Canada.

That meant sometimes she dressed a little differently.

Okay, let's do this!

Sometimes she talked a little differently.

Ted, this hydro bill is bigger than Louis Cyr's biceps.

What, you leave the garburator on all night, eh?

She hung out at different bars

and enjoyed leisure time a little differently.

You want to go? You want to go?! Come on!

Make fun of the Great White North all you want.

It's the best country in the world.

The... Mmmm.

Social experiment.

: U.S.A., U.S.A.

Okay, okay. You know what,

What does that even prove, okay?

You chant anything, people will join in.

: Canada, Canada,

Cana... Okay, they won't chant anything.

: Shrimp fried rice,

: Shrimp fried rice, Shrimp fried rice,

Shrimp fried rice, Shrimp fried rice...

Shrimp fried rice-- totally.

Anyway, speaking of food,

Marshall, I've got so bad news.

Just read online, Gazzola's is closing.

No!

What's Gazzola's?

A filthy mecca of spectacular if undercooked pizza

located at 316 Kinzie Street, Chicago, Illinois.

Back in college, Ted and I used to take these crazy road trips

from Connecticut all the way to Chicago

Just for a Gazzola's pizza.

22 hours.

No map.

We'd just jump in the Fiero and drive.

We were like Lewis and Clark,

if Lewis and Clark peed in empty soda bottles

and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe.

Man, those Gazzola trips,

that's... that's when we really became bros.

Mm. We ate nothing but jerky.

Drank nothing but Tantrum.

Ah, Tantrum.

Tantrum was a soft drink with the highest caffeine content

legally available over the counter.

It was eventually discontinued

after an extensive study by the FDA.

Oh, man, we went through a whole case of Tantrum one trip.

I was color-blind for two weeks after that.

I think that's the reason that I pass out

when I hear church bells.

It's probably a good thing they're closing Gazzola's.

Those trips were brutal, right?

The long hours in the car, the motion sickness, the smell.

So what time are we leaving for Gazzola's tomorrow? I was thinking 9:00, 9:30.

I am ready to hit the road.

I got baby wipes.

I got a variety of jerky.

I got six cans of Tantrum.

Well, four.

One burned through the can, the other one I drank already.

Tantrum!

I am so psyched! Marshall and I

haven't done something, just the two of us, for so long.

Ever since he got married, he's turned from an "I" to a "we."

What do you mean?

Think about it.

Hey, haven't seen you all week. How you doing?

We're doing great.

Did you watch the Jets game?

We most certainly did.

How'd things go at the doctor?

We no longer have a hemorrhoid problem.

Hmm.

You guys will not believe this.

I've been talking to my lawyer all morning.

You know that guy I have

a slight disagreement

with at the Hoser Hut? He's filing assault charges.

Come on!

I broke his nose with a chair.

And now, apparently, I may end up getting deported.

Oh, my God, that sucks! Yeah.

I'm gonna go do push-ups in the kitchen.

Tantrum!

Well, there's only one possible way to avoid getting deported.

My lawyer said I could become an American citizen.

Perfect. Problem solved. Welcome aboard.

Well, it's not that simple.

I'm a Canadian. I was born there.

My family's there. It's who I am.

I know, and it's provided us with a lot of laughs.

But, Robin,

if you want to live here, work here

and throw chairs at people here, you have to do this.

Well, there's a citizenship test tomorrow.

A cit... I'll think about it.

No, no, you have to do it.

I'll help you study.

We're gonna stay up all night long.

I'm gonna drill you, and then we're gonna study.

No, seriously.

We're gonna do some cramming

and then we're gonna study.

No, seriously. We're gonna bone up on...

Okay, Barney. Sorry.

It's a rich area. It is.

But you know, it's not going to be easy, this test.

It's not like the Canadian citizenship test.

How do you know the Canadian test is easy?

It's Canada.

Question one: Do you want to be Canadian?

Question two: Really?

Ted! Ted!

Check it out!

I got black coffee on the left, I got Tantrum on the right!

Do you have a phone book?! Yes, I do!

I don't know why they make phone books anymore.

Everything's online, right?

Tantrum! Tantrum!

All right, let's hit the road.

You invited Lily?

We most certainly did!

I don't know if you caught that, but he did the "we" thing.

Yeah, I heard him. Okay.

Road trip!

So you guys want to talk about bitches?

I'm kidding. They're called women.

All right, next stop: Chicago.

I have to pee.

Couldn't you have gone before we left?

I did. I just pee a lot.

You'll see.

Don't worry, we'll get out on the road,

it'll be just like old times.

It wasn't.

* I would walk 500 miles

* And I would walk 500 more...

Sugar snap pea?

Pea...

That reminds me, I have to pee.

Okay, straight, straight, straight.

Now, wait, a little to the left.

We'll pass a state trooper.

Ooh, punch buggy yellow!

Ow!

Yellow-- that reminds me, I have to pee.

Thank you!

Great.

Oh, hey, Ted...

You can't have to go again.

It's not humanly possible.

No, I was just going to say maybe we should listen to something.

Oh, that's a great idea. I think I have some Jerky Boys.

Good-bye, Sparky.

It's an audio book about a boy and his dog.

It made Elisabeth Hasselbeck cry.

Good-bye Sparky, by Nick Leotti.

Read to you by Kenny Rogers.

Oh!

Chapter One: When I first saw Sparky,

he reminded me of my favorite comb;

he was missing a lot of teeth, but I loved him anyway.

Mother was fit to be tied

every time he used her prized rhododendron

to do his business.

That reminds me, I have to pee.

"How many stars are on the flag?"

50-- one for each state.

"What are the first ten amendments

to the Constitution called?"

The Bill of Rights.

Look, Barney, I know all this. I'm ready.

Ready for the test maybe, but ready to be an American?

Not on your sweet life.

For you to be an American,

we got to get the Canadian out of you.

That's why I've created these questions.

Question one: "Who is this?"

Queen Elizabeth II.

No, the answer is Elton John.

Question two: "What the hell is this?"

Oh, curling.

Um, it's a sport played...

Wrong. The answer we were looking for

was "I don't care, it's dumb."

Let's go buy something that's bad for us

and then sue the people who made it.

That's America, Robin.

...because Sparky loved chasing a ball,

and it didn't much matter what kind.

Tennis ball, baseball, Wiffle ball,

golf ball, basketball,

beach ball, gum ball,

a grapefruit-- which isn't actually a ball,

but 's round like a ball--

a football-- which isn't round,

but it's still technically a ball--

Indian rubber ball...