Servant

This is Roscoe, the guy I was telling you about.

So you're a private detective?

That sweet, innocent little girl you got up there,

she stole the identity of a dead kid.

How is that possible?

I can show you what she's doing if you want to see it.

She eats canned soup, she prays, she goes to sleep.

-Then it gets a little weird. - What do you mean "weird"?

It's okay now.

-Why us? -I knew I'd be happy here.

Was that your first time being on television too, Leanne?

Yes, Dorothy.

- What's your name? -Leanne.

Dorothy!

-Good morning, Mr. Turner. -Kick her in the ass for me, would ya?

Dorothy?

Dorothy.

-Hi. -Oh.

Leanne.

Mr. Turner's waiting for you.

Yes, he needs the car.

So, he's driving me all week.

He's been acting so strange lately.

Have you noticed anything?

Strange. How?

I don't know.

Oh. Nice.

Sean's not nice to anyone.

It's not in him.

Unless he wants something...

or if he's done something he shouldn't have.

I bet that's it.

You're with him all week.

If you knew something, you'd let me know, right?

I really don't think that Mr. Turner's having an affair, Dorothy.

"An affair"?

Who said anything about an affair?

It was the furthest thing from my mind until you put it there.

Ready when you are.

Oh.

Two shakes of a lamb's tail.

Well... Sean's pitching restaurants this week.

Hence the jacket he thinks makes him look 25.

Still, uh, oiling yourself into that skirt, I see.

Oh! There's the Sean we all know and love.

I'm not gonna be around much this week, but you'll be all right on your own?

I won't be by myself. I'll have Jericho for company.

Are you warm? You're warm.

Okay, let's go.

Okay, ready?

Whee!

So much fun, right?

I won.

That's how it done, son.

Hi, sweetie. Hi. There you go.

There you go. Hey.

Oh, hey.

You left the front door open.

I came in through the side entrance. Sean gave me the access code.

There's a key under the grill if you ever get locked out.

Did I scare you?

No.

Bet I know something that will.

What is it?

Open it and see.

Crickets.

Sean asked me to drop them off and do a few hours of prep work.

You must get a lot of them back home.

I used to hear them at night.

Now I only hear cars.

What do they taste like?

-Chicken. -

Are you serious?

You can't leave this on the sidewalk.

Not around here.

Some of them won't even check if it's empty.

Thank you.

I was distracted.

You're with the Turners? Sean and Dorothy?

I'm the nanny, Leanne.

I'm Wanda. This is Olivia. Say hi.

I've seen you both in the neighborhood.

Yeah, we've been locked out all morning.

I'm always forgetting my keys.

Nice place.

They keep it warm too.

Would you like to stay for a drink?

Where you from, Leanne?

Wisconsin.

Big family?

Just me.

How much did they pay for this house?

I don't know.

We can look it up.

Move over.

You were telling me about home. Wyoming?

Wisconsin.

But I always wanted to travel more.

Somewhere like Asia, maybe?

My aunt, she had this book on Japan.

Did you know that a whole city was wiped out by a bomb?

Yeah, no shit.

Hey, I gotta run.

Um...

Hi.

Um...

Is everything okay here?

Everything's fine. You can go.

Okay then.

See? They doubled their fucking money.

-Fuck! -

I have to take this.

So, how old are you, Olivia?

Six.

How old do you think I am?

Mmm... Thirty?

Man, fuck that guy.

Is everything okay?

I have to go into town, pay a fine

or your fucking country is gonna deport my boyfriend.

Can you do me a favor?

Yeah, of course.

Watch her for an hour? She's scared of the subways.

She can stay here.

Okay. Um, change of clothes, favorite toy, everything she cries for is in there.

Oh, and don't feed her. She's fucking allergic to everything.

I'll just be one hour, no more.

If we don't wake Jericho, we can play a game.

Okay.

Ninety-seven, 98, 99, 100.

Ready or not, here I come.

Olivia? What happened? Did you see somebody?

A man. He ran outside.

- - Shh.

I'm sorry. My boyfriend and I got in a fight.

It's okay.

We had fun, didn't we?

-I can take her home now. -Okay.

I owe you one.

You can come back anytime. Both of you.

What do we say to our new friend?

Thank you, Leanne.

Bye.

Okay.

HYGIENE A PRIORITY

We all love a free touch-up at the mall, but if hygiene fanatics get their way,

what you're seeing now may soon be considered a criminal act.

- -I spoke with some shoppers this morning

and asked them how they felt about the proposed ban.

It doesn't really affect me as I'm allergic to most--

-Oh, do you like cake? -Cake?

Carlo's on Fisher and Third,

they do the most incredible coffee sponge.

Would you like a slice?

Yes, please.

Well, so, it's about 40 minutes there and back if you get the 15.

But it's so worth it.

And you keep the change for yourself.

Hello?

DOROTHY

PHILLY - WIDE

Look at this thing!

I've got Moon base Alpha planted on my face!

I don't get cold sores. I thought I was one of the immune people.

I'm gonna be trending by tonight, just you wait and see.

Hashtag Dorothy Turner has herpes.

You didn't eat your cake.

My what?

Oh.