The Sopranos

Mr. Soprano?

Have a seat.

My understanding from Dr. Cusamano, your physician...

Is that you collapsed.

Possibly a panic attack? You were unable to breathe?

They said it was a panic attack.

The blood and neurological work came back negative.

And they sent me here.

You don't agree that you had a panic attack?

How are you feeling now?

Fine. Back at work.

What line of work are you in?

Waste management consultant.

It's impossible for me to talk to a psychiatrist.

Any thoughts at all on why you blacked out?

I don't know. Stress, maybe.

About what?

I don't know.

The morning I got sick, I'd been thinking.

It's good to be in something from the ground floor.

And I came too late for that, I know.

But lately, I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end.

The best is over.

Many Americans, I think, feel that way.

I think about my father.

He never reached the heights like me.

In a lot of ways he had it better.

He had his people, they had their standards, they had pride.

Today, what do we got?

Did you have these feelings of loss more acutely before you collapsed?

I don't know.

A couple months before, these two ducks landed in my pool.

It was amazing. They're from Canada, and it was mating season.

They had some ducklings.

My daughter's friend was there to drive her to school.

- Meadow, your father with those ducks. - The yard smells like duck poo.

You gotta have more than just juice for breakfast.

You need brain food for school. Happy birthday, handsome.

- Thirteen. - He doesn't act it.

The male and female duck made a home in your pool and did it?

Get out of here! You're so gross!

You want some of last night's sfogliatelle?

- Get out of here with that fat. - One bite.

How do you stay skinny, Mrs. Soprano?

Him, with those ducks.

If you don't like that ramp, I'll build another. Maybe it's the wood.

Look, they're trying to fly.

- National Geographic, dad. - Yeah, super.

- You showed us yesterday. - This is great!

Now my wife feels this friend is a bad influence.

It's so cool you're coming to Aspen with my family at Christmas.

Last year I saw Skeet Ulrich, as close as from where you're sitting.

Miss Meadow, we made a deal.

Keep your grades up and your curfew until Christmas, then you get to go.

- I know that. - Good morning.

- Hey, Mr. Soprano. - We're late, dad.

- Happy birthday. - Thanks, dad.

You're gonna be home tonight for Anthony Jr.'s birthday party, right?

Birdman, hello!

Yeah, yeah. I'll get home early from work.

I'm not talking about work.

This won't work. I can't talk about my personal life.

Finish telling me about the day you collapsed.

I drove to work with my nephew. He's learning the business.

He '3 an example of what I was talking about before.

Did you call Triborough Towers about the hauling contract?

I got home too late. I didn't want to wake the man up.

Did you get up early and call? He's always in his office by 6.

I was nauseous. My mother told me I shouldn't even come in today.

Bear in mind, this is a kid who just bought himself a $60,000 Lexus.

- There's that guy Mahaffey. - Get out.

Right there. Next to the boo-boo in pink.

Back up.

My friend Mahaffey pulling his Taffy. Hello.

We saw this guy.

There was an outstanding loan.

Can I stop you for a second?

I don't know where this story is going.

But there are a few ethical ground rules we should get out of the way.

What you tell me here...

Falls under doctor/patient confidentiality.

Except if I was...

If I was to hear, let's say, a murder was to take place...

Not that it would, but if.

If a patient tells me a story where someone's going to get hurt...

I'm supposed to go to the authorities.

Technically.

You said you were in waste management.

The environment.

Dr. Cusamano, besides being your family physician...

Is also your next-door neighbor.

See what I'm saying?

I don't know what happened with this fellow, I'm...

I'm just saying.

Nothing.

We had coffee.

Help!

Security! Help!

Oh, shit.

Asshole!

Tony!

Wait up!

Security!

You all right?

My leg is broken. The bone's coming through.

Let me see.

I'll give you a fucking bone, you prick! Where's my fucking money?

So you had coffee.

Right.

You son of a bitch, motherfucker.

- What are you doing? Get over here! - That's $3,000 here. $3,000.

Go ahead.

Where's the fucking money?

I'll get the money!

I know you will.

You should get a cork in your mouth because you say I'm nothing...

Compared to the people who used to run things. Prick.

I'm nothing.

Shut up.

What are you crying about? HMO. You're covered.

You prick.

Degenerate fucking gambler.

- Go on. - Next, I had a meeting.

I was called in to consult by a garbage-hauling company I represent.

What's the story with Triborough Towers?

The manager wants the contract with Dick, but this Kolar Sanitation...

Another nationwide company.

The Kolar brothers. Czechoslovakian immigrants or some shit.

These Polacks will haul paper, plastic and aluminum...

For 7,000 a month less than dick.

They pay us 40 times the monthly for stealing a stop.

That's the thing. They won't.

Says if he can tell the commie bosses in Czechoslovakia to fuck off...

He can fucking tell us.

- I give up. - Fucking garbage business.

Yeah, I know. It's all changing.

Let me see what I can do.

Sure? You over your stomachache?

What are you doing here?

Gabriella sends me down here for the capocolio.

Hey, T, let me ask you something.

Didn't you used to go to school with Artie Bucco?

A situation came up. It involves my uncle.

I can't go into details.

That's fine.

But I will say this. My uncle adds to my general stress level.

It's none of my business...

But down at the club, the word is...

Your uncle Junior is gonna whack Pussy Malanga.

He's gonna do it at Artie Bucco's restaurant.

Hey, boys. How are you?

Don't move.

Uncle Junior, how you doing?

Hey, good to see you.

Hi there, Chris.

I was talking about you. It's Anthony Jr.'s birthday tonight, right?

Don't buy him anything big, we overindulge him. Okay?

- Artie, how's your rash? - It's itchy.

Come here.

- Good to see you. You'll come over? - Yeah, have a seat.

You know what it means, one of these mutts gets wet in here?

It'll ruin his business.

You better sit down with your uncle.

Uncle Junior's my father's brother.

A good guy, just getting old, cranky.

He used to take me to Yankee games when I was a kid.

I love my uncle.

At the same time, when I was young...

He told my girl cousins I would never be a varsity athlete.

Frankly, that was a tremendous blow to my self-esteem.

Who's there?

It's me, ma.

Who are you?

Ma, open the door.

- Anthony? - Yeah, it's me. Open the door.

Hi, how are you?

Jeez, ma. Get some air in here.

Did you lock the door?

- Yeah, I did. - Somebody called here last night.

- After dark. - Who?

You think I'd answer? It was dark out.

Ma, I'll never understand that.

The phone is auditory. Dark is an eye thing.

I could understand not going out. You could get jumped.

But the phone?

Listen to him, he knows everything. You want some lunch? I got eggplant.

No, no, I just ate. Know who I just ran into?

Uncle Jun.

Oh, that one. You think he ever comes to see his sister-in-law?

Remember Artie Bucco?

Kid I went to elementary school with?

Oh, yeah, I still see his mother.

She tells me...

He calls her every day.

Well, uncle Junior's gonna make a problem for Artie.

Could affect his livelihood.

- What's that? - Cd player.

For who?

For me?

- I don't want it. - You don't want it.