What I Like About You

HEY, BABY.

VIC. OH, MY GOD. YOU DON´T HAVE YOUR CRUTCHES.

WHAT? OH.

OH, GOD. OHH!

MMM.

SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING ALL GORGEOUS?

I AM GOING TO MEET MY MOTHER, SO I´LL CATCH YOU LATER.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WAIT!

WHAT, YOU WANT SOME MORE LOVIN´?

NO! YOUR MOM? YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK IT´S TIME. I THINK I´M READY TO MEET HER.

UH, NO, MAYBE NOT. HUNH-UNH.

NO, NO, COME ON.

LISTEN, I KNOW ALL THIS TIME I´VE BEEN SAYING

THAT I´M NOT READY BECAUSE I WASN´T SURE ABOUT US,

BUT NOW, YOU AND ME, ME AND YOU,

TOGETHER AND HAPPY -- I MEAN, SHE´S GOT TO BE WONDERING

WHY WE´VE BEEN TOGETHER ALL THIS TIME

AND I´VE NEVER ASKED TO MEET HER.

NO, NO, SHE´S COOL WITH IT. OKAY. BYE-BYE.

BUT -- BUT -- BUT -- BUT I´M READY TO MEET HER.

B-B-B-BUT SHE´S NOT, YOU SEE?

THAT´S KIND OF WHY YOU HAVEN´T MET HER.

SHE DOESN´T WANT TO MEET ME? WHY WOULDN´T SHE WANT TO MEET ME?

WELL, MY MOM IS KIND OF, UH --

SHE HAS THIS IDEA THAT, UH

WELL, SHE THINKS YOU´RE A TRAMP.

EXCUSE ME?

YEAH, YEAH, A BIG HO, ACTUALLY.

UM, SEEMS TO HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH THE FACT

THAT YOU WENT AND GOT DRUNK AND MARRIED ME ON THE FIRST DATE.

ME?! YOU DID THAT, TOO, OKAY?

SO THAT MAKES YOU A MAN HO.

HONEY, MAYBE IN TIME, OKAY?

NO, NO, NO. NOT IN TIME.

OKAY, VAL, PLEASE, TRUST ME.

I KNOW MY MOM, OKAY,

AND WE SHOULD REALLY WAIT UNTIL SHE´S READY.

NO, YOU TRUST ME, OKAY?

YOU BRING HER HERE. I NEED TO MEET HER.

SHE NEEDS TO SEE THAT I AM NOT THE HARLOT THAT SHE THINKS I AM.

HARLOT?

HARLOT. OKAY.

QUIT IT! NOW, COME ON. JUST BRING HER HERE.

OKAY, EXCEPT, HONEY, SHE WON´T COME.

YES, SHE WILL, IF YOU DON´T TELL HER THAT THIS IS MY BAKERY.

OKAY, LOOK -- HERE´S WHAT YOU´RE GONNA DO.

BRING HER HERE, AND THEN I´M GONNA CHARM THE CRAP OUT OF HER.

I´M GONNA FORCE THAT OLD BROAD TO LOVE WITH ME, DAMN IT.

THAT´S NOT THE CHARMING PART.

SEE YOU LATER. BYE.

ARE YOU DONE? ARE YOU FULL? THAT´S A LOT OF BACON.

YOU´VE BEEN CHEWING FOR A WHILE.

WHAT IS THE BIG RUSH?

YOU SAID YOU DIDN´T HAVE TO MEET ROBYN FOR ANOTHER HALF-HOUR.

COME ON, BABY. I HAVEN´T SEEN YOU ALL WEEK.

WELL, YOU´RE ABOUT TO SEE A WHOLE LOT MORE OF ME. COME ON.

WHAT?

OH, MY GOSH! YOU´RE ON A BUS BENCH?!

VINCE, LOOK HOW BIG YOUR HEAD IS!

I HAVE A BIG HEAD!

PEOPLE TRUST PEOPLE WITH BIG HEADS.

YES! YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU´RE RIGHT! WHO WOULDN´T BUY AN APARTMENT FROM THAT BIG HEAD?

WHAT IS HER HEAD DOING NEXT TO YOUR HEAD?

WELL, I DIDN´T WANT TO TELL YOU UNTIL IT WAS FINAL,

BUT ROBYN THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA

IF WE BECAME PARTNERS.

OH. PARTNERS.

SUPER! SUPER PARTNERS!

HOLLY, I KNOW YOU´RE A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT ROBYN,

BUT IT´S SO ALL ABOUT BUSINESS WITH US, AND I´M SO EXCITED.

SHE´S TEACHING ME SO MUCH, AND THIS IS SO GOOD.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO ISN´T EXCITED?

IT´S THE COOLEST THING EVER, VINCE.

NOW, GO HAVE FUN AT WORK AND SAY HELLO TO YOUR PARTNER, ROBYN.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

BUT YOU -- HMM.

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CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

OH. OH, GOD. THERE´S THE MOTHER.

OH, YEAH. SHE´S HAD WORK.

SHE LOOKS MEAN. MAYBE I --

GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.

OKAY. OKAY, FINE. YOU DON´T HAVE TO MEET HER.

WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE DECIDED WE´RE NOT GONNA STAY, BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY.

WHY DON´T WE ASK HER?

MA, NO.

MISS, WHAT IF YOUR BABY WENT OFF

TO SOME GODFORSAKEN PLACE LIKE ATLANTIC CITY,

MET A FLOOZY, AND AN HOUR LATER MARRIED HER?

WOULDN´T YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF?

WELL, UH, GOSH.

I´D WANT TO MEET THE GIRL FIRST,

´CAUSE I´M SURE THE SON, IF HE WERE YOURS,

WOULD PICK A SWEET, POISED, CONSERVATIVE, CLASSY GAL --

ONE WHO´S JUST GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH.

OH, GOD, YOU´RE HER.

HI.

YEAH. UH, MA, THIS IS...VAL, MY WIFE.

AND, UM, VAL, THIS IS MY MOM --

DON´T SAY ANYTHING MEAN -- EILEEN.

VIC, IT´S OKAY. YOUR MOTHER HAS EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL ANGRY.

SHE MISSED ONE OF THE BIGGEST MOMENTS OF YOUR LIFE.

I´M SURE YOU´RE VERY DISAPPOINTED,

AND I AM VERY MUCH PARTLY TO BLAME FOR THAT.

THE GOOD NEWS IS I´M SURE HE´S GOING TO MARRY AGAIN.

MOM, WHY DON´T YOU AND I GO? I´LL TAKE YOU FOR A NICE LUNCH.

NO, NO, NO. YOU GO.

LEAVE YOUR MOTHER WITH ME.

SHE AND I NEED TO SPEND SOME TIME GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

OH, GOD.

SEE? SHE WANTS TO, TOO.

UH, VAL, ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU --

YEAH, YEAH, I GOT IT, BABY. GO.

UM, MOM, YOU KNOW, I WOULD REALLY LOVE IT

IF YOU TWO WOULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

FOR YOU, BABY, ANYTHING.

OKAY. THANKS, MOM.

OH, WE´RE GOING TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

OW, OW, OW.

MRS. MELADEO, THE OWNER SENT THIS OVER FOR YOU,

AND, MAY I SAY,

SHE´S A GENEROUS, THOUGHTFUL, CONSIDERATE, UNTRAMPY --

OKAY, THANKS FOR THE WINE, GARY.

MM-HMM.

ALL RIGHTY.

UH, TO NEW BEGINNINGS.

NO, THANK YOU.

COME ON.

I FIND THAT WHEN PEOPLE DRINK, THEY LIKE ME SO MUCH MORE.

OKAY, LOOK, I GET IT.

I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON´T LIKE ME,

WHY YOU WOULDN´T WANT TO OPEN UP AND HAVE A TOAST WITH ME,

BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE SHARE A TOAST,

THAT MEANS THEY LIKE EACH OTHER AND THEY´RE FRIENDS.

OR SOMETIMES IT´S JUST BECAUSE IT´S TOO PAINFUL AND HOPELESS.

SO, ONCE VINCE´S HEAD GETS BIG

FROM SEEING HIS BIG OLD HEAD ON THAT BENCH,

YOU THINK THEY´RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE A BIGGER BENCH

TO FIT HIS BIGGER HEAD?

IS SOMEONE A LITTLE JEALOUS?

NO, I THINK YOU GOT IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

BAM!

IT´S HOT CHOCOLATE,

SERVED BY HOT CHOCOLATE.

UGH! UGH!

DID YOU SEE THE ATROCITY?

HOW COULD YOU MISS IT?

VINCE AND THAT ROBYN ARE PLASTERED ALL OVER THE CITY.

OKAY. SO, WE GOT TO GET US SOME GIANT SHARPIES.

I´M THINKING BLACK TEETH AND HER ORIGINAL NOSE.

OH, COME ON, HOLLY. YOU´RE BETTER THAN THAT.

YOU´RE RIGHT.

HOW ABOUT DUMBO EARS AND A HITLER MOUSTACHE?

NO, I MEAN YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH A SMARTER PLAN

TO DEAL WITH THE WHOLE ROBYN SITUATION.

WAIT, WAIT -- YOU DON´T THINK I HAVE A PLAN?

OH, I HAVE A PLAN.

HEY, HOLLY. I THINK THE MOM´S STARTING TO DIG ME.

GOOD!

SEE? THAT IS MY PLAN --

YOU KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER.

EXACTLY.

FEELING A LITTLE LESS PAIN, MAMA?

SO I INVITED ROBYN TO LUNCH

BECAUSE THE MORE TIME THAT SHE SPENDS WITH ME...

THE LESS TIME SHE SPENDS WITH VINCE. GENIUS.

OH, I KNOW.

OH, MY GOD, BIATCH IS COMING. BIATCH IS COMING!

Shh!

YOU GOT TO ACT ALL -- HI!

HI, HOLLY. HEY...

TINA.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

WE´VE MET LIKE SIX TIMES, BUT...

SO, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE WHOLE BUS BENCH AND PARTNERSHIP.

OH, I HAVEN´T SEEN MY PARTNER ALL DAY.

WHY IS THAT, HON?

WELL, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A BUSINESS LUNCH,

BUT THEN YOU CALLED ME, AND, WELL, HERE I AM.

NICE.

LISTEN, BEFORE WE ORDER,

I REALLY HAVE TO GO TO THE LITTLE GIRLS´ ROOM.

WOULD YOU MIND WATCHING MY STUFF?

NOT A PROBLEM, GIRLFRIEND,

AND YOU TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED IN THERE!

LIKE SLUTTY PUTTY IN MY HANDS.

OKAY.