Gayby

She looks just like you.

Kind of, right?.

Sure...in the cheekbones.

Shut up.

- No, she's perfect. - lsn't she?.

It better go through.

It will. The adoption people are gonna love you.

So, what do you wanna do?.

Well, this is nice... what we're doing.

We could talk. I like talking.

Yeah... I'm not that big on talking.

Right.

And...I'm not that into nice.

Right.

Wow, I just never thought you'd be the first one to have a kid.

Why?. 'Cause I'm barren?.

Are you ever gonna let that go?. I said like three years ago.

Loudly...

At my birthday party.

I just thought it was the correct term.

I meant that when we were younger,

you never wanted to have kids, and I always did.

You'd have to date a guy longer than five minutes

if you wanna have a kid with one.

It was five months. Okay?.

The last three, lasted five to six months.

So, yeah, let that sit.

I'll be right back.

Do you mind if I take this text?.

It's my best friend, Jenn.

She just asked me something really crazy.

Yeah... I don't really care.

Should we just... should we just get right to it?.

That's cool. Okay.

You know that thing

when you're looking for sex on a hook-up site,

and you run into someone who's looking for something more,

and you're like...

this really isn't the place for this.

Are we having that moment?.

No, it's just that I haven't done this since my break-up.

Oh...

This isn't gonna work. I'm gonna go.

I'm sorry. It really has just been a while.

Yeah, me too. Not since Friday.

But I have a backup so I might still be able to catch him.

Good.

So, yeah... Good luck.

Well, it was nice to meet you.

And...be safe.

- Hey. - Hey!.

You look really great!

Oh, shut up.

I've gained like four pounds since you saw me last.

No, you look good.

Thanks.

It's all muscle.

How's the yoga studio?.

Oh, it's good. We're doing Bikram now.

Unofficially.

Bikram...

Is that the yoga where they cook you?.

It's hot yoga.

Oh, yeah...

You don't like it?.

I took a class once;, I didn't like it.

For some people it's a very spiritual experience.

Yeah, because they're dying of thirst.

- I missed you. - I missed you too.

It's been a month. That's too long.

Well, you moved to Brooklyn.

Yeah, well--

But I check your status updates every day.

You know Brooklyn isn't really that far.

And I have an entire floor for my comic book collection,

so it's actually really cool.

So, what do you think?.

Well, I'm thinking about it. That's why I'm here.

Thank you.

We've been talking about it forever.

Yeah, I know.

Since college, yeah.

Were you thinking that you'd just want it for yourself,

or do you wanna share it?.

I wanna share it.

You want to share the responsibility?.

- It's a lot of responsibility. - Yeah, I want to share it.

And then we'll get to see each other more often.

You're sure you don't wanna... I don't know...

wait around for the right guy to come along?.

Wait around for the right straight guy in New York City?.

- I don't know, get married?. - Married?. Please.

What about you?.

Have you been dating again?.

No...

No, not since Tom.

Yeah, he wasn't right for you.

Well, it took me about six years to figure that out.

Takes time.

If we did this... should we just call a doctor,

and make an appointment or something?.

No, I don't want to do fertility specialists.

I watched my sister go through that.

Oh, yeah, poor Kelly.

It's so expensive, and I don't even really trust those doctors.

They get things mixed up like you wind up with...

someone else's baby, someone else's sperm.

I can't... I can't deal with that.

So then should I just go in the bathroom,

jerk off into a cup,

put it in a turkey baster or something?.

No!

I don't even have a turkey baster.

Well, how do you wanna do this?.

I wanna do it the old fashioned way.

Surprise...

Whoa! What?.

Are you just trying to get some?.

Gross! What?. No! Come on, we did this in college.

Yeah, we did it in college,

but we were really drunk when we did it.

Do you want to get really drunk?.

And you stopped talking to me

for like a whole month afterwards, remember?.

You showed up at my 20th birthday party crying,

and you ruined it.

For the millionth time, I am sorry.

And I did not stop talking to you because we had sex.

Well, then why did you?.

Who remembers?. I certainly don't.

Hey, do you think that you can?.

Can what?.

Have sex with me?.

What is this - a dare?.

Yes, I can have sex with you.

You can do it?.

Yes, I can.

I'm a guy, I can put it in anything.

Okay, then I'll get an ovulation kit,

which tells you when you're ready.

But according to my lunar calendar,

I'm about a week.

And then I'll just... come over.

You agreeing to this?.

I think I am.

Yeah, then you're just gonna come on over,

and we're gonna make a baby.

I stopped reading Spider-Man

ever since he made that deal with the devil.

I was such a huge Mary Jane fan.

I don't know why they screwed that up.

I'm sticking to the X Books.

At least when Cyclops psychically cheated

with Emma Frost on Jean Grey,

who we all know is the love of his life,

at least there was a little build up.

It didn't happen overnight.

And they didn't need the devil to magically swoop in

and say, oh, suddenly you're not--

Hey, Tom.

Hey, Matt.

- Hi. - Hey.

It's Thursday. What are you doing here?.

You're supposed to come in on Wednesdays.

I know, I'm sorry.

I gave up my shift on Wednesdays,

so you could come in on new book day.

It's cool because, you know, we have a deal, so...

So why are you here?.

Randall's parents are in town.

And you know how they re-opened the crown

over at the Statue of Liberty?.

You can go up there now.

You should go it's great.

Who's Randall?.

Oh, I thought Nelson maybe would have told you.

No.

I met a new guy.

Oh.

- He's Randall. - Oh, cool.

He's really nice. It's been like a month.

We met at the gym.

Yeah, Nelson didn't tell me.

Did the new Wonder Woman come out?.

It comes out next week...

On Wednesday.

Would you hold a copy for me?.

Well, there'll be plenty of copies.

Only gay guys read Wonder Woman.

I read it sometimes.

Okay, I'll come back on Wednesday and I'll pick that up.

Yeah, great.

Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I came in on the wrong day.

Is he your Jean Grey?.

I can't believe you didn't ask me.

Our child would be gaymazing.

I know, but Matt's my best friend.

I thought I was.

You are my best friend... from work.