Graves

Previously on "Graves"...

It's a homosexual wedding, for God's sake.

One gay wedding and you're hitting on Barney Frank.

- This is my life. - It won't be if you run for Senate.

It can't be.

Lawrence just called,

and he said if I did decide to run,

he's on board.

You feel this, right? I mean, this is crazy.

Open up.

Bitch is nuts, ese.

- Jonathan. - Sorry, I wanted to ask

if you would give the keynote

at my annual Red Cross fundraiser next week.

Jeremy's gonna appear on "Good Day Santa Fe."

Let's talk about your father. He's been erratic lately.

I'm gonna come over there and beat the fucking truth into you.

I'm going to a really rad concert Friday night if you want to hang.

Yeah, sure. I'd love to hang.

This is CNN Breaking News.

- Sad news out of... - You called for me, sir?

- Shh, shh. - CNN has just learned

that former Prime Minister Trevor Lloyd

has checked into Johns Hopkins in Baltimore

for what's being reported as a last attempt cancer treatment.

- Oh, shit. - Celebrated when elected,

Lloyd lost the support of the British people,

not to mention the Royal Family,

when he aligned himself politically

with former American President Richard Graves.

Turn it off. Off!

Yes, sure.

So sorry, sir.

Tell Ramona I need to pack.

We're going to Baltimore.

- Now, literally? - No, we're gonna wait till he's dead.

- Hello? - Hey, Sammy. It's me, Isaiah.

Yeah, I know. It's super early.

I know. I'm sorry.

I just, um...

unfortunately, I'm not gonna be able to make it to that concert tonight.

Oh, yeah, that's cool, man.

We can do it another time.

Oh, definitely. Please.

I was really looking forward to it.

I just... I have to go with the president last minute to Baltimore.

No shit.

You know, you guys are doing me a real solid here.

You wouldn't believe how ridiculously pricey airfare is.

For me, anyway.

Oh, no, for anyone. Are you kidding?

Mm. Dude.

Sad Prez is giving me so many feelings.

It's like, this was his friend, you know?

Oh, yeah, no. Everybody always said

that Graves was the cowboy, Trevor Lloyd his lapdog.

I think he feels responsible for what happened to the prime minister.

You know, how he got run out of office.

Hey, darlin'.

Are you on the plane?

Yes. Actually, we're almost there.

Honey, I just don't know

quite how I'm feeling, what to do.

Oh, Richard, I should've gone with you for support.

I can still cancel this.

I'll hop on a commercial flight to Baltimore.

- I'm just a few hours behind you. - No, no, no.

Honey, I'm gonna be fine. I'll figure it out.

What you're doing is really important for you today.

I love you, Mags.

Well, that's disturbing, but beautiful.

That's what my mother always said about Kitty Dukakis.

I used to paint when I was a kid,

but Daddy said it was too dark and street

for his uber-Christian base.

Hey, stop being judged by the world,

listening to all their voices.

I don't let anyone judge me.

Sorry.

Yo, compadre.

Yes, yes, see you in an hour,

text you address.

- I have to leave for work, mi amor. - What? No.

- Baby, you can't. - I have to.

I want you to stay in this room with me

until we grow old and we die.

I won't be gone long.

I promise.

It's already forever.

Sir, you've received a bouquet from David Cameron.

Should I send him a thank-you

- Please. - Yes, sir. Right away.

Lloyd, you look like shit.

- Sir. - It's all right, Ali.

No need for concern.

All former presidents have a certain

startled desperation to them.

You can leave us.

I came as soon as I heard.

And what exactly have you heard?

Cancer. Bad.

Heh. I should have been stricken with the good cancer.

I'm sorry it's been so long.

Really, Richard, it's okay.

This happens to be a routine stay. I'm not on my deathbed.

Hope I didn't disappoint you.

Oh.

You're still pissed at me, huh?

"The Dolt of Downing."

That's what the British press called me.

Well, you know, I could write a book

on all the things I've been called.

Yet your books refer to triumphs.

Statues erected in your honor.

I was brutalized by the press, Parliament.

In private, the queen once told me

that I was nothing more than a boil

on the ass of that American cowboy.

- That bitch. - And you!

Not one bloody fucking time

did you pick up the telephone.

But more, I was your friend, Richard.

- Hit me. - What?

- Don't be daft. - Come on.

Get out of that fucking bed,

and you're gonna punch me right in the fucking face.

Let's clean the slate.

You know, I lost an election for you.

I cost you your legacy.

So get your balls out of your goddamn pocketbook

and get up here and hit me in the face!

You've visited, Richard. Kindness noted.

Go on. Get out.

And now you're gonna die still being a boil on my ass.

God!

Damn, that hurt.

Why, you old limey fuck!

You should have seen your face.

Utter shock. Priceless!

Trevor, there's something I gotta talk to you about.

See, I've been going through something,

the way I see things.

I think you'll...

you'll understand.

And it's the only gift I have left to give you.

Really?

And what gift is that?

Ali, could you be a dear

and get me a packet of crisps

and a soda from the cafeteria?

I need something salty and sweet.

- There's a good chap. - Yes, sir. Of course.

Salty and sweet.

Let's go! Let's go! Come on, kids.

Meet the prime minister!

Hello, sir.

- What's up? - Pleasure's entirely mine.

- Yeah? - Jeremy.

This is Emery Rozman, Paradigm Talent Agency.

Okay.

Saw your "Good Morning Santa Fe" appearance, bro.

Mind blown. "Beat the truth into you"?

If that camera was a chick,

she'd be walking bowlegged for a week.

Yeah, I mean, you know,

I guess I do have a certain ease

in front of the camera.

Jeremy, look, Fox, MSNBC, CNN.

Picture this... son of a president, newsman.

- Like Wolf Blitzer? - Oh, yeah, fuck Wolf!

Like Jeremy Graves! Dude, I'm telling you,

just think about it, man.

30 years ago, I wasn't even registered to vote.

I had a small computer company and a magazine,

and my business needed tax relief or it was gonna go bankrupt.

Then I met President Graves,

and I was inspired.

Not only did Richard Graves' economic policies

help my businesses grow and expand,

but he also introduced me to his much better other half.

Ah.

And now, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you

my great friend Margaret Graves.

Thank you, Jonathan.

Not so bad.

I can do this.

Not so bad.

No, no, no.

No way. It's not gonna happen.

I'm sorry, sir, but no scenario exists

where I leave you and the former prime minister

in the middle of Baltimore with no Secret Service detail whatsoever.

Oh, it exists, Isaiah. This is it.

Now, I'm going over there and I'm gonna sit

with my old friend and have a slice,

and then I'm going to deposit him back to the cancer bank.

I owe him big-time.

So now fuck off or you're fired.

- Fired? - Yes.

- Really, sir? - Yes.