Please Like Me

One, two One, two, three, four

Ooh, ooh-ooh

Yeah, I'll be fine Ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh-ooh Oh, yeah

Ooh, ooh-ooh Oh, the Lord knows it

Ooh, ooh-ooh Oh, the good Lord knows it

Ooh, ooh-ooh I left better behind to be

Fine Yeah, yeah

Make my momma turn another blind eye

Eye, yeah, yeah, yeah

I left better behind to be fine.

- What's up? - I think your dad's in my room.

Is he hiding? Is my dad hiding?

I think he's hiding.

I think if I see your dad cry, I will also cry.

I can't see adult men cry.

Yeah.

He shouldn't be in my room.

He doesn't know which bits are OK to touch.

You have to get him out.

I mean, I do not want to go into your bedroom without you.

Go.

- Dad? - Yeah?

- Which bits are OK to touch? - Zero bits!

- You OK? - Yeah.

Why are you in Tom's room?

Um, I was just curious about his exercise bike.

Found it on the street.

- Good find. - Yeah.

You gonna go talk to Mae?

Oh, yeah. I'll go over there.

I was thinking of doing some chores around here too.

Please do not do any chores.

I'm worried about the gutters.

OK.

Arnold's dad is probably just trying his best, you know.

Most people are just trying their best.

- Yep. - Try to remember that.

Everything's going to be OK, yeah?

Yep.

Say it, Dad. Say, 'Everything's going to be OK.'

Everything's going to be OK.

Tom?

Can you say that everything is going to be OK?

Everything is going to be OK.

All of us.

Everything is going to be OK.

Yeah?

I'm not going.

Why not?

- I've got a lot on. - No, you don't.

No, I don't. But I feel like I do and I should honour that instinct.

Oh, Hannah. It's Arnold's birthday.

Which he's going to ruin forever, coming out to his homophobic parents.

Do you want to be a sad, lazy dope your whole life?

I'm just so good at it.

Please fuck off out of the house.

What the hell am I going to talk about at this party?

I don't know. I don't know anything.

He's going to tell them that he's gay

and then he's going to point at me and go, 'That's him. That's the guy.'

- Yeah. - 'That's the guy that is not a girl.'

Yeah, you're going to have to be, like... like a really good guy.

Do you think this cake's too gay? It's too gay.

Are you meant to not be gay?

Do you have to pretend to be straight until he comes out?

What do I tell them to make them think I'm a good guy?

You want me to brainstorm things that are good about you?

Yes.

- Really? - Yes!

Um...

You don't litter.

So...

Yeah! 'Oh, hi, hi. Um...

So, sometimes I put my... penis in your son's butt.

But also, I... I mean, I do not litter!

Yeah, you know, your son, when he was small,

sometimes he'd get shy at parties and hide in your dress.

Yeah, well, I-I... I put my dick in his butt.'

'Yeah, you know, the one who played little board games with

and sometimes you'd pretend to lose.'

Arnold loves board games.

'You know, that son who you adopted and kept safe and happy and loved.'

Oh, well, that, that actually worked out really well for me, yeah,

'cause sometimes, I get to put my dick in his butt.

'I do not... I do not litter.'

I wouldn't. I just would not.

I always put the condom wrapper in the bin. Always, always.

- What's going on? - Wait.

- What? - Wait, wait.

Tom, why won't you tell me what's happening?

Wait.

- OK. - Yes?

Wow. Alright.

You remember Christine.

Christine? Of course I remember Christine.

The boss you touched inappropriately.

You two are my everything. I ship you so hard.

She is being charged with sexual harassment.

Stop. Because of you?

No, because of Luke and Simon. Who's Luke and who's Simon?

Other guys in the office who apparently

also touched her inappropriately.

How many boys are there?

You know, I really thought I was special.

- You hearing this, Hannah? - No.

No?

There he is. Look at him.

Waiting for me out the front. I just love him!

- He's adorable. - Oh... oh, no, what is that?

Oh, a special birthday cake for a special birthday boy.

- Happy birthday. - No, no, you can't bring that in.

- Why? Is it too gay? - No.

- It's too gay. - No, Steve does the cake, always.

Steve organises the cake. It's a big, weird thing.

OK.

I guess we can hide it.

It's a lemon meringue pie cake that I made.

I put Italian meringue on the outside. It was hard.

And then I decorated it with little, um, violet flowers.

But yeah, no, I guess we'll just hide it.

Josh wants to know if he's allowed to be gay.

- Yeah. - You can be gay.

- Should I be straight? - You can be whatever you like.

What about me? Should I have worn a dress?

OK, let's just go in, OK?

If I get to be whatever I like,

I'm going to tell them I'm an investment banker.

Good afternoon! Would you like a prime mortgage?

How about some cocaine?

John, you waste so much time sleeping.

Eh, don't you?

Though I guess that's what I'd do

if I didn't know I was going to die.

Eh, John? You're getting on a bit, aren't you?

Not long now, I reckon.

Josh will be devastated.

You've been good for him.

Yep.

You've really slowed down, haven't you?

You're getting on.

Aha! Welcome, welcome.

Um, Josh, Tom and Hannah, these are my parents.

Donna and Bruce. And you remember Steve.

Hi. Hi. Bruce. And, uh, what's your name, fella?

- Tom. - Tom. Brilliant.

Um, Hannah. Yeah.

Lovely to meet you. And, uh, Josh.

We're meeting Arnold's friends!

I mean, we never get to meet his friends

and now he's bringing home three at once!

I have friends.

Yeah? Not the weird kid who pissed himself?

- Mate, come on, play nice. - That was when I was ten, Steve.

Ten is still quite old to wet your pants, isn't it, darling?

Anyway, come in, come in!

Here you go, Joshy.

So, you've got your coffee business turning a profit,

still at uni and under 30.

Yeah, people really like coffee.

I also make sweets, uh, rhubarb lollipops. They're popular.

- Rhubarb. Yuck. - Steve.

Alright. You know, good on... rhubarb.

It's alright. You don't have to like rhubarb.

But it's not the lollipops people keep coming back for, though, is it?

It's just a very busy path, mostly.

No, no, no. I think it might have something to do with you.

It's you. You've got charisma. That's what keeps people coming back.

Yeah, I... I dunno...

No, you trust me on that.

OK, yeah, sure.

Steve, tell Josh about uni.

Taking a keen interest in the plants?

Yeah.

Plants are good.

Vital.

They make air.

Hello?

Rose.

- Yes? - It's me, Stuart.

Oh. OK.

So, how are you?

Uh... I'm fine.

Yeah, it's been such a long time

and I was just sitting here looking at my lovely roses

so it wasn't such a big leap before I started thinking about you.

Oh, that's very nice of you.

You always did make me laugh, Rose.

Really?

Never underestimate the power of your sharp tongue and your quick wit.

So, what's on today, then?

Ohh, a few chores, bit of gardening.

- What about you? - Ohh, um...

My house is a mess. I haven't been very well.

Well, there's no better time than now to sort it out.

Alright.

Yep.

Yep, that's a good idea.

Alright.

How long ago do you think this was taken?