Comic Book Men - Fourth Season

Man, you know what's fatiguing?

Giving the fake laugh, man.

Customer service means you got to give the fake laugh

at least 60 to 70 times a day.

You're just, like, fake laughing nonstop all day?

You can't tell when I'm fake laughing, you guys?

I just assume you're always fake laughing at me, so...

Correct assumption.

There is nothing worse than the fake laugh.

Getting a fake orgasm, that's got to feel worse.

Getting a fake one?

No, like, if a woman tells you...

Oh, my God, how would I... how would I know?

Are you saying that you may not have

100% success rate with the missus?

- In... in the bed? - No, it's definitely 100%.

You couldn't tell I was fake laughing!

That's different.

Hello! Welcome to another episode of Comic Book Men,

the only show that's suitable for children

ages five to The Age Of Ultron.

I'm Kevin Smith.

- Bryan Johnson. - Walt Flanagan.

- Mike Zapcic. - Ming Chen.

Gentlemen, what has been going on in the great state

of New Jersey this week?

Last week, a guy came in,

a guy who I definitively made a connection with.

- Hi. - Hey, man. How you doing?

My name's Gary, and I've got some books I want to show you,

a piece of comic book history.

- All right. - Boom.

Wow.

- X-Men 1. - You're right, man.

- That is history. - You want to see another one?

I'd love to see another one.

Fantastic Four number 1.

Oh, my God, man.

This ushers in the Marvel age, right?

- That's right. - Go ahead, what else you got?

- Avengers number 1. - Oh, God.

- You have even more than this? - Wait till you see this.

Amazing Spider-Man numero uno,

and last but not least, Fantastic Four number 48,

as you know, the first appearance of silver surfer.

A piece of Marvel history here.

- Gary. - Yes?

You've just made our nerdgasm pop.

Mine pops all the time, you know?

I can understand.

These are a big deal?

- These are... - The big deal.

This is what spawned a universe.

This is what spawned a juggernaut.

Fantastic Four, the Avengers,

and the X-Men films all trace back to right here, man.

Really?

This one, probably, is without a doubt

the most important comic book in Marvel Comics history.

- Right? - For sure.

I mean, without the Fantastic Four,

is there a Marvel comics?

No, this is the book.

I mean, it's great stuff.

It was comic book history on the secret stash counter.

Dude, it was almost him

and Gary on the secret stash counter.

We definitely were on the same wavelength.

We love the same things about comics.

I really, really, you know...

Want to marry him?

Gary, where'd you get these at?

Well, when I was 15 years of age, I loved comics,

and I loved them so much, I started buying collections.

I bought them with my bar mitzvah money,

and ever since then, I've been buying and selling comic books

for a career.

You know, I have 800,000 comics now.

- 800,000? - Yes.

I'm a dealer, but I'm also a collector first.

You're a lover as well, I assume?

Oh, yeah. That's for sure.

- I have a wife... - Well, I meant... I meant...

nice work. Right.

I meant lover of the art form.

I know. I'm just jive talking.

But, yeah, this is wonderful stuff.

You can't tell he's jive...

- No. - Slap him.

All right, gar, how much you think

is sitting up on the counter right now?

I'd say 11 grand at least.

The X-Men 1 is the prince. I want 3,500 for this one.

- Really? - Yeah.

It's now known as the artist formerly known as prince.

All right, I'm gonna go after one of these.

I think it's gonna be Fantastic Four 48.

Okay, that sounds good. 275.

Could you do any better than 275?

175, maybe?

Ah, no!

I'll do 225, bottom.

Come on, gar. 200?

Are you... did I have $75 worth of fun today?

What the Heck?

- You'll do it? - You got it.

- Here you go. - Why, thank you, sir.

And I get to keep these lovelies?

- Those are now keepsies. - I love them.

Isn't that the best thing about comics?

- It is. - All right, Gary.

- You too. - Awesome dude, man.

Oh, here he is.

What's so funny, man?

It's like the catskills back here, dude.

I don't even... I don't even come here to buy comics anymore.

I just come here to, like, get a few chuckles and...

Yuk-yuks back here in the... in the old back of the shop.

Ah, Brian Quinn, ladies and gentlemen,

is a co-host with Walter and Bryan on their podcast,

tell 'em Steve-Dave!, and a TV star in his own right.

Him and his buddies have a show

called impractical jokers on TruTV.

Guys sound like you're having a great time back here.

Yeah, we are.

All the shirts have been restocked?

All the reorders have been put in at diamond, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, everything's done. What's with you?

At this point, why don't you guys

- just do stand-up here, right? -

Oh, my God, do you know how much I would pay

to watch these guys do stand-up?

Come on. It's not that hard.

You think you could go up onstage

and make an audience laugh?

Absolutely, I could. Come on.

Can we find an open mic night?

Dude, let's just have it here. All right?

I should just put an open mic here and have you guys

go up there and tell your best material.

- Are you serious? - I'm not kidding around, man.

How awesome would that be, huh?

Comedy night at the stash.

We turn this place into a comedy club.

You go up there.

We tell some jokes for people, make it a little competition.

Let's see who the biggest yukster is

out of you chuckleheads.

I don't want to tell jokes.

I want to, like... I want to emcee the night.

Oh, dude, that would be awesome, right, huh?

Brian Quinn, emcee.

Why don't you do comic book related jokes?

- That's a good idea. - I would totally do that.

Next week, you guys all up for this?

- You all in? - Yeah.

- I'm in. - It's gonna be awesome.

Think I got something you might be interested in.

Absolutely, man.

Oh, look at that, huh? The O.G. Missing link.

What's going on, guys?

- Hey, how you doing? - Hey.

Think I got something you might be interested in.

Oh, absolutely.

Always interested in a universal monster.

Remember this guy, huh?

The gill-man, creature from the black lagoon,

the O.G. Missing link between man and dinosaur.

Oh, yeah, and he was the last of the great universal monsters.

That's the Remco 1980 doll.

So mego at this point, when this figure's produced,

has shut the doors...

Done.

Then Remco gets the universal monster license.

Eh, it's hard

to be terrifying when you've got your baggy pajamas on.

They call him the pajama party gill man.

What I love about you is, you're still carrying a flag

for these dopey-ass monsters

that scare nobody anymore, man,

still carrying it as ardently as people who are like,

"the south will rise again."

Like, you still believe big-time

in the universal monsters, man.

Is this bad boy the top of the food chain?

Is there anything he can't take down in the sea?

Take down in the sea

or take down in a lagoon where he lives,

which is basically like a hillbilly watering hole?

What are... what are his natural enemies, like, frogs?

Some tropical fish.

- A turtle? - Yeah, there...

there's, like, hardly anything

he has to really prove himself against.

I disagree, man. Look at those claws.

Look at... even his toes are claws.

Look at those teeth.

Is there any other universal monster

that could take him down if he was to go Mano a Mano?

Well, definitely not in the water.