Friends

Okay, pick a card, any card.

All right, now memorize it.

Show it to everybody.

- Got it? Mm-hm.

All right. Give it back to me.

Five of hearts.

- Real magic does exist. - Oh, wow.

Wow. Joey, how do you do it?

I can't tell you that. No.

Uh, somebody's at the door on the ceiling.

Heh. No, that's our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.

He took up the carpets, and now you can hear everything.

Well, why don't you go up there and ask him to just step lightly, please?

I have, like five times, but the guy is so charming...

...that I go up there to yell, and I end up apologizing to him.

Oh, that is silly.

I'll go up there. I'll tell him to keep it down.

- All right, be my guest. Good luck.

All right, all right, all right.

If you really wanna know how I did it, I'll show you.

When you handed me back the card, what you didn't see was...

...I looked at it so fast, it was invisible to the naked eye.

I just did it.

Just did it again.

Here, I'll slow it down so you guys can see it. Ready?

Oh. - I got it now. Okay.

I was at my friend's downstairs...

...and we hear every single thing that you do.

Oh. Ha, ha. Thank you.

Hey.

Anybody got a length of rope about 6 feet long with a noose at the end?

- Honey, what's the matter? - I just saw Janice.

Aw.

She was at Rockefeller Center, skating with her husband.

She looked so happy.

I almost feel bad for whipping that kid's pretzel at them.

I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine after we broke up.

She was walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking.

God, it killed me.

Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.

Sorry, I just... Any excuse to tell that story.

Hey, Chandler, there's a party tomorrow. You'll feel better then.

Oh. You know what? I'm gonna be okay. You don't have to throw a party for me.

It's Joey's birthday.

Oh, well, then if anybody should have a party, it should be him.

[PHOEBE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY UPSTAIRS]

Shh. I cannot believe she's still up there.

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY UPSTAIRS]

Okay, well, he totally screwed up the punch line.

You know, it's supposed to be:

- How's that coffee coming, dear? - Yeah. Right away, Mr. Kaplan.

I'm not supposed to drink coffee. It makes me gassy.

I know.

I'll bet you're thinking, "What's an intelligent girl...

...who wants to be in fashion doing making coffee?"

- Ah? Ah? Ha, ha. - Oh, ha, ha. You got me. Heh.

Don't think I haven't noticed your potential.

Well, I've got a project for you that's a lot more related to fashion.

- How does that sound? - Oh. That sounds great.

- Come on over here, sweetheart. - Thank you so much, Mr. Kaplan.

I need these hangers separated ASAP.

You're welcome.

Oh, God, I hate my job. I hate it. I hate my job.

I know, honey. I'm sorry.

Oh. I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out.

Then I think...

...why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job...

...just because it's remotely related to the field they're interested in?

Gee, I don't know, Rach.

Order up. I got a Yentl soup, James Beans, and a Howdy, hold the Doody.

Oh. Honey, come on, I'm sorry. I didn't...

I don't mind paying my dues.

It's just, how much am I gonna learn about fashion...

...by walking Myra, the arthritic seamstress...

...to the bathroom?

Hi. Is my misery amusing to you?

I'm sorry, I was just, uh... Ha, ha.

It's not funny. This is actually my job.

Oh, believe me, I've been there.

I had to sort mannequin heads at Mannequins Plus.

Oh. Well, then, so I'm just gonna go back to talking to my friend here.

You can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.

- Uh, just one other thing. - Ahem. Yes?

I work at Bloomingdale's...

...and I might know of a job possibility, if you're interested.

Do you want my pickle?

Hey, guys.

- Hey, Gunther. - Hi.

You're going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?

- Well, he's very charming. - I know, he's too charming.

But if you go out, it's gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.

Well, you're just going to have to try.

All right. Joey? Where are the Jell-O shots?

I don't know. Chandler's supposed to be passing them...

- Chandler. - Hello-dee-lo.

Well, somebody's feeling better.

- Stick out your tongue. - Take off your shirt.

- Oh, my. Oh, my God.

How many of these did you have? These are pure vodka.

Yeah, Jell-O just like Mom used to make.

The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm having lunch at Monica's and this guy starts talking to me...

...and he works for a buyer at Bloomingdale's...

...and there's an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number...

...and he's gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview.

- Wow. Ha, ha. - I know.

What, so this guy's helping you for no apparent reason?

Uh-huh.

And he's a total stranger?

Yeah. His name is, um, Mark something.

Ah. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.

What?

I'm just saying, why else would he just swoop in out of nowhere for no reason?

To be nice?

Hey, Joey, are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?

- No, only for sex. - Thank you.

So did you tell Mark Something about me?

I didn't have to, because I was wearing my "I Heart Ross" sandwich board...

...and ringing my bell.

Ah. Uh-huh.

Joey! Happy birthday!

Hey!

Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?

How hammered are you? Huh? These are Joey's sisters.

Hi, Joey's sisters.

- Hey. - Hey. Hey.

What are we drinking over here?

Oh, well, I have a vodka and cranberry juice.

No kidding?

That's the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband.

Wow.

Okay, I don't know how to talk to you.

What are you doing?

I'm taking my ex-girlfriend off my speed dialer.

Aw.

No, no, no, it's a good thing.

Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life?

Why can't we savor the precious moments? Those are some huge breasts you have.

- Hi. - Hi.

Yeah, heh. So, um, I heard about this Mark guy that Rachel met today.

- Oh, yeah, isn't that great? - Oh, yeah.

So, uh, yeah, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good guy.

Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy.

I mean, you know what? When he left, I actually used the phrase...

..."homina, homina, homina."

That's excellent.

So he's just a nice guy.

You really think this Mark doesn't want anything in exchange for helping you?

Well, I assume I'll have to take showers with him.

But, you know, that's true of any job.

Uh-oh.

How you feeling?

Well, my apartment isn't there anymore...

...because I drank it.

Where'd you get to? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.

Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.

Woo-hoo.

- Really? - Aah.

No "woo-hooing." No "woo-hooing."

Why, what happened?

I fooled around with Joey's sister.

- Well, that's not the worst part. - What is the worst part?

I can't remember which sister.

You see what men do? Don't tell me men are nice.

This is men.

Are you insane?

Joey's gonna kill you. He's actually going to kill you dead.

Okay. You don't think I thought of that?

- How can you not know which one? I mean, that's unbelievable.

- I mean, was it Gina? - Which one is Gina?

The dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.

No, no, no, that's not Gina, that's Dina.

See? You can't tell which is which either. Blah.

We didn't fool around with any of them. Blah. Blah.

Veronica. Look, it's gotta be Veronica. The girl in the red skirt.

I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.

That was me.

Oh. When I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly.

- And I'm sorry. - That's okay.

- That's all right. That's okay.

Can I talk to you for a second?

- Hey, Joey. - Hey.

Come on.

Why can't we talk in here, with witnesses?

- I just got off the phone with my sister. - Uh, which one?

- Mary Angela. - Mary Angela.

- Yeah. - Now, which one is she again?

Ask Chandler. He's the one who fooled around with her.

She told me you said you could really fall for her.

Now, is that true, or are you just getting over Janice by groping my sister?

It's gotta be the first one.

Really?

That's great.

You and my sister, sitting in a tree.

Yep, I'm in a tree.

Did he call? Did Mark call?

No, honey, I'm sorry. But the weekend's not over yet.

Oh, my God. Is that Phoebe?