The Love Witch

- I'm starting a new life.

Up here where it's quiet and clean among the redwoods.

And almost no one knows me.

Poor Jerry.

I had a nervous breakdown after he left me.

They say I'm cured now.

But I still have intrusive thoughts.

My therapist told me that I'm not unusual at all.

People are abused all over the world

every day

much worse than me

and they do fine.

Your tail light's out, Miss.

- Oh, thank you for letting me know.

Are you gonna write me a ticket?

- I'll let you go this time, but make sure you get it fixed.

Thank you, Officer.

You drive safely.

- When Jerry left me, I devoured everything

I could about how to get your man back.

According to the experts, men are very fragile.

They can get crushed down if you assert yourself in any way.

You have to be very tricky.

Elaine?

Hi, I'm Trish.

- Hi, Trish, it's nice to meet you.

Oh, you're so pretty.

Oh, um, I didn't mean anything.

I'm married and everything.

No, I didn't think anything.

- Well, let me help you with your bags.

Is this all you've got?

For now.

My art supplies are being shipped over later.

So you're an artist?

Yes, I am.

I'm an interior decorator.

Oh, really?

Yes.

That's how I met Barbara.

I decorated this apartment.

It was lucky I still had the keys.

Barbara didn't exactly know when she'd be back.

How do you know Barbara?

- We used to dance together in San Francisco.

Oh, really?

Well, I hope you like the apartment.

It's a bit garish but Barbara wanted it that way.

She had me take all of the colors from the Thoth Tarot deck

and she and her students did a bunch of occult paintings

for me to hang.

She's into all that Wicca stuff.

Well, this is it.

Oh, Trish, I love it.

It's just beautiful.

Really?

Oh, I'm so glad.

I thought I may have overdone it.

Oh no, it's exactly my taste.

You must be exhausted.

I'm sure you want to lie down.

- Actually, I was thinking about getting a bite to eat.

Do you know of a place around here?

- There's the Victorian Tea Room.

We could go together, if you don't mind the company.

Oh, how fantastic.

Where can I freshen up?

The bedroom is through there.

I'll only be a moment.

What a lovely room.

Yes, isn't it?

I love Victoriana.

- Being here is like being a princess in a fairy tale.

- Do you have fairy princess fantasies, Elaine?

Of course.

We may be grown women, but underneath

we're just little girls dreaming about being carried off

by a prince on a white horse.

Yes, I suppose so.

It's ridiculous, isn't it?

- I don't think I've found my Prince Charming yet,

but I think I found the formula.

You know, I've been studying parapsychology

and I understand men so much better than I used to.

If only I would have known before what I know now.

Then Jerry would have never left me.

Who's Jerry?

My ex-husband.

The day he left me was the day that I died.

But then I was reborn as a witch.

Barbara and Gahan brought me back to life.

They taught me everything I know about magic and about men.

Men are like children.

They're very easy to please

as long as we give them what they want.

Where were we?

Oh, men, you said we need to give them what they want.

Well, what do men want?

- Just a pretty woman to love and to take care of them

and to make them feel like a man

and to give them total freedom

in whatever they wanna do or be.

But what about what we want?

How are we going to be equals with men

if we keep catering to all of their needs?

- I think that if you want love, you have to give love.

Giving men sex is a way of unlocking their love potential.

- You sound as if you'd been brainwashed by the patriarchy.

Your whole self-worth is wrapped up in pleasing a man.

I'll admit, I used sex to get this,

but I'm not proud of it.

A whole world doesn't revolve around a man's needs.

If I gave Richard sex every time he wanted it,

I'd be a wreck.

Poor Richard.

He loves you and he wants you and you torture him.

You have to give a man his fantasy.

(laughing) His fantasy?

Yes, his fantasy.

But what I'm really interested in

is love.

You might say I'm addicted to love.

I wonder if all women feel that way?

- Well, it depends on what you mean by love.

A husband isn't a prince, Elaine,

and life isn't a fairy tale.

We have to face that fact.

Why?

Maybe life could be a fairy tale

if you pleased your husband more.

- (laughing) I don't need to please Richard.

Richard loves me for myself.

Of course.

Perhaps you did find your Prince Charming.

Perhaps I did.

Guess who.

- Richard, what are you doing here?

This tea room is for ladies only.

- Oh, I went to visit you at work

and Julie said you were here.

I thought we could have lunch together.

- Well, that's very sweet, but I've already had my lunch.

Oh, uh, Richard, this is Elaine.

Elaine, this is my husband, Richard.

- I've heard so much about you, Richard.

- Nothing too horrible, I hope .

On the contrary.

(moving to light orchestral music)

Goddess, please,

send me a beautiful, sweet man

to love me as I love him.

To love me, love me,

love me,

love me,

love me,

love me,

love me,

love me.

Hi, are you Wendy?

Yes, what can I do for you?

I'm Elaine.

We spoke on the phone.

I make natural soaps and candles and things.

Elaine, right.

Thanks for coming by.

Mind if I have a look?

Please do.

These are nice.

Really nice.

I think these will do well in the store.

Then you'll take them?

- Let's start with these and see how they do.

If these sell in the next week or two, I'll order more.

Sound good?

Yes, fantastic.

Thank you, Wendy.

Sure, Elaine.

Bright blessings.

- People always ask me why I'm a witch.

I tell them it's because I want to have magical powers.

But it's not like it sounds.

All it is is using your will to get what you want.

Hi.