The Exes

- Hi. - Hello.

What's a pretty lady like you doing sitting all alone?

Huh... Oh...

Oh, oh, I'm not alone.

I have people coming... Lots of people... But, um...

Thank you so much. That's very flattering.

- Hi, hi. - Oh, my God, get over here.

You're not gonna believe this.

Some guy just hit on me.

It could happen.

He was in his 70s.

What's the problem? You like to eat early.

Just for that, you're getting me another drink.

Okay. One vodka metamucil coming right up.

Hey, Holly, what's up?

Ooh! Join me at the young, fun table!

I gotta tell ya, I'm beat.

Once I park my butt in this seat, it's not getting up.

Okay, young lady, here is your...

Oh, hey, Phil.

'Sup, Eden?

Well, I gotta go.

What happened to parking your butt all night?

My butt changed its mind.

What was that all about?

What was what all about?

You and Phil were acting kinda weird with each other.

What? Weird? Me and Phil? Phil and me, weird?

Hey, would you look at the... I gotta...

So, yeah.

Oh, 'scuse me, you dropped your, uh...

Your book.

- Thanks. - Here you go.

Oh. Introduction to constitutional law.

Oh, boy. That takes me back a long...

It takes me back.

So, uh, law student, huh?

Yeah. First year, and this con law's killing me.

Ah, don't worry about it.

Everybody has a tough time with con law, from what I hear.

I mean, I kinda aced it.

My Professor said I had a way with words, so...

Wow, smart and sexy.

Ma... Yuh... Plbbt.

By the way, I'm Eric.

Hi... Hol... Holly.

Look, Holly, I know this is a lot to ask,

but is there any way that you could help me out?

Yes.

I mean, with... With what?

Well, with this class.

I could really use the tutoring,

and I get the feeling you could teach me a lot.

Oh, yeah, you bet I could. Ab...

About law, 'cause I'm a lawyer, so...

Great.

Tell you what, why don't we meet tomorrow night?

Okay, let's meet here.

- Awesome. - Okay.

Oh, but you know what? It's really loud in here.

Is there any chance that we could do it at your place?

At my place? You wanna...

You wanna meet at... At ma...

I guess we could do that.

Great. It's a date.

Why don't you put your info in my phone?

Okay.

All right, I'm gonna put it right here under "Holly,"

'cause that's my name.

Holly. All right.

There you go, underage. I mean, under "H."

The Exes

Haskell, I'm almost afraid to ask, but what are you doing?

What's it look like I'm doing? I'm on a date.

With whom?

Stuart, meet Jenny.

Uh, all I see is another guy with binoculars staring back at me.

Oh, that's Ted. Creepy, huh?

Two over, one up.

Oh. Oh, she's pretty.

She's my soul mate.

We have the same fine taste.

We both watch storage wars,

like the same hungry man frozen dinners,

and now we're both enjoying a heavily discounted chardonnay.

Cheers, my sweet.

Well, here's a crazy idea: How 'bout you two actually meet?

What am I supposed to do?

Knock on her door and say, "I've been infatuated with you

"from the first moment I saw you through my binoculars.

"You're even lovelier in person

than you are through my binoculars."

She screams, I run home

and watch the police come to arrest me...

Through my binoculars!

Well, I refuse to see love go unrequited.

I've gotta find a way for you two to meet.

You mind if I sit down?

Okay, if you don't think

it's a little pathetic being a third wheel.

Eden, hi.

Hi. This is silly.

Look, we're friends, and all of a sudden, we're avoiding each other

because of what, one silly kiss?

I know, it's ridiculous.

It's... It's crazy.

It was just in the heat of the moment.

Heat of the moment.

I signed my first client and I was happy.

I was happy for you.

And it was just one kiss.

One good kiss.

One great kiss.

Anyway, I don't want there to be any weirdness between us.

Me neither.

Okay, so friends?

Friends.

You know, this was better than a handshake.

Way better.

Eden... Get in here.

Something very weird happened last night.

Tell me about it.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

After you left the bar last night,

I met this guy, and I think he was hitting on me.

So what's the problem?

Well, there's a little bit of an age difference.

Ah. How close to the grave is this one?

This one's a little bit closer to the cradle.

Really? How young are we talking here?

He wants me to help him with his homework.

Oh, my God.

Oh, it's not that bad. I mean, he's a law student.

He's probably at least 22.

And he wants you?

Which is a good thing.

Yes, it is.

At least I think it is, if that's what it is,

but I'm just not sure.

All right, well, what did he say?

Well, he said that I was sexy

and that he wanted me to tutor him at my place.

I've seen pornos start less obviously.

Yeah, but what am I gonna do?

I mean, he's 22. I've been 22 twice!

I say go for it.

Sometimes in life,

unexpected things happen with unexpected people,

and when they do, you just have to say,

"yes, yes! Oh, God, yes!"

Wow, you feel pretty strongly about that, don't ya?

You know what, Eden? I'm gonna go for it.

I've got nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm a confident, attractive, sexual woman.

Where are you going?

To see if I can find a drive-through Botox.

All right, Jenny just left her apartment.

She's going down to the laundry room.

The coast is clear.

Okay, here's your flowers and your card.

Just leave these by her door

and let cupid's arrow find her heart.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Haskell, you can't keep worshipping her from afar.

I like afar.

Afar is my sweet spot.

No. No, no, no.

Love is not love if it's not expressed.

Where would Romeo be if he hadn't

stood outside Juliette's balcony?

Alive.

Hey, Stuart, what's up?

Love is what's up.

It's in the air. Can you feel it?

Stuart, how many times have I told you,

the answer to "what's up?" Is "nothing much."

Hi.

Hi.

Listen, uh, I think we should talk about what happened.

Yeah, me too. Uh...

What happened was fun.

Lots of fun.

A whole lot of fun.

But it can't happen again.

Agreed.

I mean,

the last thing I'd want, Eden, is for you to get hurt.

Excuse me?

I mean, let's face it.

Eventually, you're gonna fall for me.

All the ladies do.

Well, you just met one who don't.

Uh, the real problem here is... Is really

what's gonna happen when you fall for me?

Uh, me fall for you?

All the guys do.

- Well, not this guy. - Well, not this girl.

- Mm. - It was just sex.

- Yeah, good sex. - Great sex.