Grimsburg

Good. You're awake.

Just in time to meet our guest of honor,

Your kidney.

I've heard about you.

You're the--

The kidney-pper.

Kidney is such an interesting organ, isn't it?

We've got two, yet we only need one.

Kind of like the d'amelio sisters.

If you ask me, dixie can get d'ameli-outta here.

- Wait, are you trying stand-up on me?

no.

Did you know the average kidney is the size of a cellphone?

Hello? Uh, he says "urine" trouble.

- Okay, this is definitely stand-up.

- It's not stand-up. If anything, it's alt-comedy.

But no matter, because I'm getting the light

Leaving your eyes.

That's creepy.

- Oh, good. That's what I'm going for.

Blending these tones

Is a hard needle to thread, you know.

Ah, geez.

Whoa!

you're killing me.

And I mean that both ways.

Who's the comedian here?

They say no guts, no glory.

Therefore, the converse must be true.

More guts, more glory.

And guts are the kidney-pper's bread and butter.

Who the hell are you?

I am the kid-napper.

- So then where are the kidneys?

Oh. That's the kidney-pper.

I'm the kid-napper. I abduct baby goats.

You know, kids. Kid-napper.

- Kang and martinez took the kidney-pper case.

So I'm on the lame case?

No, sorry, I get the big, splashy cases,

The ones on the front page.

I'd be lucky to make the odds and ends section

With this case, and that's assuming no one

Grew a pumpkin that looked like one of the wahlbergs.

I kind of like this case.

- Kidney-pper spotted on 3rd and nathan lane, closing in.

That's nearby.

wait here.

We have a front page to ca-- I mean, a killer to catch.

- What? We can't just leave her here.

What about protocol?

Protocol--

And I am not saying this lightly--

Schmotocol.

Uh, this one I'm gonna need

To take in for, you know, evidence.

I'm gonna name you probable cause.

Drop it kidney-pper.

I don't want those cheap laughs.

Whoa, whoa!

- Drop the kidney. - Please.

I have been the kidney-pper.

Tip your waitresses.

Agh!

He got away because of you! - Easy, martinez.

I know you're flute's well-established rival,

But take it down a few steps.

- I put you on the kid-napper case.

So instead of following my orders,

You went in search of glory

Just to fill that damn glory hole of yours.

- And if you're here, where's the kid-napper, loofus?

That's "loser" and "doofus" combined.

Keep up, dooser.

- Oh, don't worry, I cuffed her to a pole.

Don't look at me like that.

I was told it's a myth they can eat through wood.

Wait, no, that's tin cans.

Oh, and the males are known to lactate.

Well, join the club.

Is there a baby nearby?

- Wow, can you imagine being a stable boy?

they always look

Like they've been freshly-hugged

By both parents.

except for that one.

Oh, somebody's gonna start crying.

you guys,

My mom says it was just an emotional affair.

Jacket, jayden.

relationships ebb and flow.

They'll be stronger for it.

- An opening in the stable boys.

This is my shot.

All I have to do is make it seem like

My family isn't in complete shambles, and I'm in!

- I absolutely love that for you obvi,

But stanakin, be careful.

- B--uh, of what? - I don't know.

Just seems like the right thing to say to someone

Before they start a life of deception.

- Look, kang, about this whole mix-up,

I just wanted to say I apologize for nothing,

And this will absolutely happen again.

- Which is why I need to teach you a lesson.

- I'm putting you on desk duty.

Desk duty? You can't do that.

I'm the world's most smartest detective.

That's how good I am. I defy the rules of grammar.

I need to be out solving crimes,

Not desking desks.

Go ahead.

- I don't even know how to get into this thing.

Arms first? Feet first?

What, do you wear it?

- Oh, flute, since you'll be here all day,

Tell anyone who calls for me

That I'm busy out in the field solving cool crimes.

Aw, cool crimes!

- Getting free food at diners. - I love comped coffee.

- Sitting in a parked car talking out the window

To detectives parked in the opposite direction.

The squad car 69.

- And would you mind processing this paperwork for me?

okay, that's it.

Whoo--ow.

Caught the three-hole punch on my one-ball pouch.

- Let's go get you stocked up on office supplies.

I hope you like ballpoint pens.

Everything you need is on that shelf.

And don't do anything stupid, got it?

- Ugh, I hate when people tell me what to do.

And I really hate when boxes tell me what to do.

Mm. I remember mcsnuff.

I bet this holds up.

Everything from the past does.

- Hi, kids. I'm mcsnuff the mystery mutt.

And I'm here to show you how to help me stop crime.

- Ugh, how can I do that if I'm stuck

In my stupid desk all day?

- You may be asking, "how can I do that

If I'm stuck at my stupid desk all day?"

Crime doesn't play by the rules,

So why should you?

It's time to take matters into your own paws,

Even if you've been specifically told not to.

- This just might be purr-fect.

But, like, the dog version.

Grr--grr-fect? Woof--woof-fect?

No, grr-fect. Yeah.

Grr-fect.

this came to me.

But I think it's fan mail for you.

See? It says "kidney-per."

- Here, they keep sending me your water bill.

Hmm. Probably just some kid.

- Ooh. - Not that kind.

Now, where were we?

- Well, that does it for another day at work.

Time for casual mode.

Look at that.

- Looks like I argyled too soon.

- Are we clear, boss, at the crime scene?

This burg needs a hero.

And you either die a hero

Or live long enough to see yourself

Dress up as a former hero.

Wow. Now I wanna eat a hero.

Not the hero I need, but the one I deserve,

With extra banana peppers.

Hey, man,

You're not the only vigilante

Waiting to give a rooftop monologue.

Reporting live from downtown

Where there's one word on everybody's lips, mcsnuff!

- Who is he? Where'd he come from?

And is he "fixed"?

- And, mcsnuff, if you're listening,

I'll be reporting later from the reservoir,

Which I'll have accidentally fallen into

While wearing a necklace made of snausages.

What a bunch of lois lanes

All hot and bothered for a masked vigilante.

they're not serious journalists like me.

You know what turns me on? Honest reporting.

- You got turned on by the report

Of the gas leak at the children's hospital?

- A little bit. A little bit.

- Save me, mcsnuff, and then upside-down kiss me.

- Oh, hey, guys. Is this seat free?

- Why, has the financial burden of maintaining two homes

Because your parents divorced

Left you unable to afford a chair?

Not sure if you heard,

But my dad's moved back in,

And my mom's falling hard.

Hmm.

A second-chance love story

Would be a good addition to the crew.

Sit. We were about to eat.