Mad Men

Finished, sir?

Yeah. Hey, do you have a light?

Old Gold man, huh?

Lucky Strike here.

Can I ask you a question? Why do you smoke Old Gold?

I'm sorry, sir, Is Sam here bothering you?

He can be a little chatty.

No, we're actually just having a conversation.

Is that okay?

Can I get you another drink?

Yeah. Do this again. Old-fashioned, please.

So you obviously need to relax after working here all night.

I guess. I don't know.

But what is it? I mean, low-tar?

Those new filters?

Why... I mean... Why Old Gold?

They gave 'em to us in the service...

a carton a week for free.

So you're used to 'em, is that it?

Yeah. They're a habit.

I could never get you to try another brand...

say, my Luckies?

I love my Old Golds.

All right, well, let's just say tomorrow a tobacco weevil comes

and eats every last Old Gold on the planet.

That's a sad story.

It's a tragedy.

Would you just stop smoking?

I think I could find something.

I love smoking.

"I love smoking." That's very good.

My wife hates it.

Reader's Digest says it will kill you.

Yeah, I heard about that.

Ladies love their magazines.

Yes, they do.

You weren't worried about waking me, were you?

Am I interrupting anything?

Mmm, no.

You're lucky I'm still up working and I'm alone.

How's it going?

They invented something called Grandmother's Day.

That ought to keep me busy drawing puppies for a few months.

Can I run a few ideas past you?

Does that mean what I think it means?

Because I'm familiar with most of your ideas.

I'm having a situation with my cigarette account.

Wow, you really are here to talk.

The Trade Commission is cracking down on all of our health claims.

I getReader's Digest.

This is the same scare you had five years ago.

You dealt with it.

I know I slept a lot better knowing doctors smoke.

Well, that's just it.

The whole "safer cigarette" thing is over.

No more doctors, no more testimonials,

no more cough-free, soothes your T-zone,

low-tar, low-nicotine, filter tip.

Nothing.

All I have is a crush-proof box

and "four out of five dead people smoke your brand ."

Is this the part where I say,

"Don Draper is the greatest ad man ever,

"and his big, strong brain will find a way

to lead the sheep to the slaughterhouse"?

I don't want to go to school tomorrow.

You gonna pitch to me or not?

Midge, I'm serious. I have nothing.

I am over, and they're finally gonna know it.

Next time you see me,

there will be a bunch of young executives

picking meat off my ribs.

That's a pretty picture.

What's your secret?

N ine different ways to say...

"I love you, Grandma."

We should get married.

You think I'd make a good ex-wife?

I'm serious.

You have your own business.

You don't mind when I come over.

What size Cadillac do you take?

You know the rules.

I don't make plans,

and I don't make breakfast.

Sterling's having the tobacco people in in nine hours, and I have nothing.

People love smoking.

There's nothing that you, the Trade Commission,

orReader's Digest can do to change that.

There's this kid who comes by my office every day,

looks where he's gonna put his plants.

Is he handsome?

23.

Uh, not right away.

Pal, could you take the long way up?

I am really enjoying the view here.

You going to Campbell's bachelor party?

Yeah, I want to be there

before they tie an anchor around his neck and drag him out to sea.

I hear she's a nice girl.

Eh, who wants that?

What did you do that for?

She'll probably be assigned to one of us.

Then she'll know what she's in for.

You got to let them know what kind of guy you are.

Then they'll know what kind of girl to be.

I have a feeling we won't be going to your bachelor party soon.

Yeah, well, compared to Campbell, I'm a Boy Scout.

Excuse me. Is he expecting you?

He's not expecting anything.

Oh, honey, don't worry. I'll get home safely.

I have an important appointment right now,

so why don't you go shopping or something?

Take your mother to lunch.

Tell her it was my idea.

Wow. He's good.

It's just a bachelor party, dear.

No, I really don't know what they have planned,

but judging from the creative brain power around here,

we'll probably end up seeing My Fair Lady.

I'll tell you what.

I'll drop by your place on my way home.

Your mother can check under my fingernails.

Of course I love you.

I'm giving up my life to be with you, aren't I?

What a great gal.

Tell ya, boys,

she stole my heart.

And her old man's loaded.

Now, this is the executive floor.

It should be organized, but it's not,

so you'll find account executives and creative executives all mixed in together.

Please don't ask me the difference.

Great.

Hopefully, if you follow my lead,

you can avoid some of the mistakes I've made here.

- Hello, Joan. - Like that one.

So how many trains did it take you?

Only one, but I got up very early.

In a couple of years, with the right moves,

you'll be in the city with the rest of us.

Of course, if you really make the right moves,

you'll be out in the country,

and you won't be going to work at all.

You'll be here just across the aisle from me.

We'll both take care of Mr. Draper for the time being.

I don't know what your goals are, but don't overdo it with the perfume.

Keep a fifth of something in your desk.

Mr. Draper drinks rye.

Also, invest in some aspirin, Band-Aids,

and a needle and thread.

Rye is Canadian, right?

You better find out.

He may act like he wants a secretary,

but most of the time,

they're looking for something between a mother and a waitress.

And the rest of the time, well...

Go home, take a paper bag,

and cut some eye holes out of it.

Put it over your head, get undressed,

and look at yourself in the mirror.

Really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are,

and be honest.

I always try to be honest.

Good for you.

Now, try not to be overwhelmed by all this technology.

It looks complicated,

but the men who designed it made it simple enough for a woman to use.

I sure hope so.

At lunch, pick up a box of chocolates,

a dozen carnations, and some bath salts.

I'll explain later.

Thank you, Miss Holloway.

You're really wonderful for looking out for me this way.

It's Joan.

And listen,

don't take this the wrong way,

but a girl like you, with those darling little ankles,

I'd find a way to make 'em sing.

Also, men love scarves.

Good morning, Mr. Draper.

Oh! And Mr. Sterling. How are you?

Morning, girls.

You look like a hundred bucks, Long night?

It's not this tobacco thing, is it?

It's been on my mind.

Yeah, well, I should hope so.

Lee Garner, his father,

the whole Lucky Strike family will be here at 4.

You worried?

No.

If I was worried, I'd ask you what you've got,

but I'm not, so I'm just going to assume you've got something,

which means you should be worried.

So you came here because you wanted to watch me get dressed?

No, I wanted to make sure you were here.

In body. Give me about a half hour for the rest of it.

How do I put this?

Have we ever hired any Jews?

Not on my watch.