Hickey

-Boo! -Carly!

What are you doing here?

Just a little light reading.

Are you a fan of euclid?

Was Pythagoras into triangles?

Okay.

Um...

Uh.

What are you--

damn it, Hercules.

Leave! Go, go, go, go.

Yup, that's my family, or was.

If all the world's a stage, then my mom's the star.

Look, I know she means well, i just wish her spotlight

wasn't always so close to me.

-How did you do that? -You're welcome.

I did not know how to turn that on.

-Turn the knob, mom. -Yeah, okay.

I thought you were gonna take those pictures down.

Oh, yeah.

I'll get to it soon. No big deal.

-Okay. -Wait!

-Where you going? -I'm late.

I made homemade jam.

Cy Epstein here, owner of cy's.

Home of the greatest selection of new and used car stereos

and old audio equipment in all of Southern California.

From speakers to nad, Bluetooth

and even musical equipment.

If you can't find it at cy's,

you can't find it.

And don't forget to check out our venice location.

Home of the one and only consignment mountain.

Wow, I might be the first guy in history

to ever stay home for a not-girlfriend.

That's really-- that's really funny.

You should tweet that.

Jeremy, my best friend,

we met in fourth grade, and formed a candy cartel.

I was the brains and he was the distribution.

We made $11 cash.

Is it the sex thing?

'Cause it's so not a big deal.

-Girls like virgins. -Clearly.

I can only help so much.

Whatever your problem is, you're behaving like a real vagina.

And how is that?

By giving birth?

Creating a pathway for menstrual blood

of just self cleansing?

Vaginas are cool.

Oh, right, Carly.

She's smart, funny, and a great musician,

even if she doesn't always believe in herself.

I've heard people say that she's really pretty,

so, that too, I guess.

When your mom turns 40, do you think you'll have

to stop jerking off to her?

You know that line we talked about?

That's crossing it.

Good morning, teach.

Hey, morning, Ryan.

You know, black viper has 25--

350 watts, four to 3,000 hertz.

Mr. ramsdell, my favorite teacher of all time.

He's been here all summer checking out the black viper,

but never even turns it on.

I guess he's going through a late-life crisis, or something.

...that's correct.

-Orientation's next week, right? -Yes.

You're gonna love Boston in the fall.

Jeannie went to grad school there after we got married.

Did I mention that to you?

You did. You did.

Okay. Good talk.

Good talk.

Derek.

Until he came along in ninth grade,

I was the undisputed heavy weight champion of the nerds.

I kind of told him that if I went to ucla

we could be roommates.

I thought he wasn't listening.

He was.

Hickey!

Oh, Derek, what the hell!

-What are you doing? -Gettin' my blade on, roomie.

By the time school starts, I'm gonna be a master.

You're not really going to m.I.T, are you?

You'd better tell me now, or I'm gonna get totally hosed

on the roommate sitch, dude.

Please.

Do not f me, Ryan.

I will not f you, Derek.

I just want five bucks.

-Thank you. -All right.

-Go! -Hey.

-Good morning, Ryan. -Hey, Gary, hey.

That's Gary, my boss.

He can fix toasters.

Not sure why, but he can.

4,589

divided by 16.

Henry, our security guard.

He was a champion prize fighter,

but a bad blow to the eye

sent him into early retirement.

He's been working at the store for 30 years,

which is pretty much the definition of bad luck.

Uh, 286.81.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Good morning, honey.

Ellen, she scares the fuck out of me.

She wants to be a vet, i think,

but I wouldn't let her anywhere near animals.

Or people.

I'd give you a hand job with my eyes open

if it meant you never speak to me again.

Throw in a warm moist towel, and you've got a deal.

Okay, I'm done talking now.

You'll figure out who everyone else is. I promise.

Wow, you really brought your a-game today.

I'm not gonna lie, it does feel good.

You've been practicing.

Oh, my god, you have been practicing!

What, did you, like, buy a book or something?

-You did! -Oh, no. Oh, no.

-Oh, okay. -Hi.

That is fantastic. He never cared about--

hey, keep playing, Ryan. We're dancing over here.

-You know, he bought a book?

-Did he? -Yeah.

He's getting so good. Did you teach him?

Thanks-- thanks for lunch, mom.

Oh, have fun. See you tonight.

-Bye. -Bye Mrs. chess.

Oh, it's snusz now.

I'm gonna go clock in and then when I come back

he'll probably have forgotten this, right?

-Unlikely. -That's what I thought.

Don't forget your lunch.

Thanks, mom.

Why do they call him the hawk?

The dude is magic with the ladies.

Met a girl at a bachelorette party,

they ended up dating for six months.

So?

The girl was the bachelorette.

Huh.

"Sale psych 101"?

-Did you read this? -Carly did.

She swears by it. Brady gave it to her

as a love present.

Girls like Carly don't get with guys like Brady.

All girls wanna get with a guy like Brady.

They can't help themselves.

It's the flight or fuck response.

Isn't that right, sweetie?

Uh...

Thought I got something...

Thank you.

-Good friend, Jeremy. -I know.

-Good friend. -I know.

This program sucks!

-Hi.

Thanks.

Oh. Sorry.

-I never get these. -Huh?

I never get these.

It must be a lucky day for you.

You never know.

Can't be!

Brady, yes, i received the package.

What? What?

I can't hear you.

Batting cages?

Okay, bye.

I'm up.

"Dear team, it is with much regret that we are announcing

the immediate closure of branch 11.

But please understand this is a business

and not a personal decision,

and was based on your store's failure

to meet its goals for q3, i--"

what the hell!

Immediate?

-As in, like? -Today.

Brady's on his way here.

Well, just because we didn't hit our numbers?

Yeah, when have we ever hit our numbers?

What about severance?

It says a week for every year you've been here.

A week?

That's not gonna pay for my tuition.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?

I can't believe it.

I'm so screwed.

I mean, Jesus, i have to move back to camarillo.

Camarillo?

Great outlet stores.