Gilmore Girls

I love you, Rory.

I love you, too, Dean.

Are you comfortable? Am I killing your arm?

- My arm is fine. - I could move.

Don't you dare move.

This, right here, is...

the textbook definition of a perfect moment.

Yeah, it is.

And earlier?

That was pretty perfect, too.

However, as a guy, I was trying not to be a pig.

- I'm happy. Are you happy? - I'm very happy.

Happy but not chatty?

I'm just...

trying to make sure that all this is really happening.

It is.

- Hey, you know what I think we need? - What?

- A song. Like, a song that's our song. - Okay.

Something romantic, but not mushy. Something that'll make us remember this.

- Believe me, I'm remembering this. - I know.

Okay, perfect.

So, from now on...

no matter what you're doing, where you are...

you will stop and think of me when you hear this.

- That's not gonna be our song! - Why not? It's perfect.

It's happy. It's hopeful. It has the word "candy" in it.

- What is more hot than candy? - Pick something else.

- Okay, I'll pick something else. - No.

Hand it over. I can't take it anymore.

This is what happens when the women get the remote.

- What was that? - What?

Rory!

Hey, what's going on?

- Dean came over to borrow something. - Yeah.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Well, I should go.

Bye, Lorelai.

Bye, Dean.

What did he borrow?

I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first.

I know I promised I would...

but I swear I didn't know that that this was going to happen.

I mean, I didn't know he was gonna show up tonight and it just happened.

It's awful for you to find out like this, I know...

but everything's okay. I'm okay, and we were, you know, safe...

so all those Trojan Man jokes all these years really apparently stuck.

And I'm lucky, too, because Dean, he's...

Well, aren't you glad that it happened with someone who's good...

and really loves me?

- He's married. - You don't understand the situation.

- Is he still married? - Yes, but...

Then, I understand the situation.

I just want what's best for you. That's all.

You're just mad because I didn't come running to you...

to discuss whether or not I was ready for this step.

I decided it on my own.

Obviously you weren't ready for this step.

Hello?

Hello?

Hey.

Let's just talk.

No.

You do realize you just leapt out of a moving vehicle.

Everything cannot be on your schedule, Richard.

Now, where is it? I know I put it in here.

In all the years we've been together, I have

never seen you behave as irrationally as...

Emily, I'm talking to you! Will you stop?

Emily, this feud of ours has now reached comical heights...

that Charlie Chaplin himself would find hilarious, and he's dead.

Don't follow me, Richard.

Wait, come back. Let me get you a cane and a derby.

- What are you doing? - I'm looking for my European luggage...

which some imbecile has chosen to hide from me.

What do you need your European luggage for?

- To put things in. - You're making a mess.

- I don't care if I'm making a mess. - Who's going to clean all this up, you?

Yes, me, or the maid...

or perhaps Pennilyn Lott can come by after one of your clandestine luncheons...

and take a stab at it.

For heaven's sake, not that again. She's just a friend.

I am going to Europe, Richard.

I'm going to Europe and I'm going to have a marvelous time.

I'm going to get up at 10:00...

and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day.

Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.

Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.

I can't talk to you when you're like this. I'm going to bed.

You go to bed. I'll go to France.

Richard!

Richard!

The door is stuck. Richard!

This isn't funny!

Richard?

Richard!

- Emily? - You locked me in.

- I did not lock you in. - You certainly did lock me in.

The door must be jammed. Did you try jiggling the knob?

I suppose I could do that, or you could just get the hell down here and let me out!

Give me a moment, please.

If you don't come down here right now, I will climb out the window.

You will not climb out the window.

I will. I will climb out the window right now.

Don't you dare.

I'm doing it. I'm climbing out the window.

You better not climb out the window.

- Damn it. - Emily Gilmore...

I better not catch you climbing out the window.

I'm out the window.

- Get down from there. - No!

Emily, get back here.

Emily!

Are you having an aneurysm or something?

- Get inside and put this on. - Get away from me!

Do you seriously think that after 39 years of marriage...

I would resort to locking you in a basement?

I don't know what you'd resort to. I don't know who you are at all.

I knew the mental illness in your family would catch up with you eventually.

Aunt Cora was not mentally ill. She was athletic!

Oh, fine.

Is there some sort of problem here, folks?

No. There's no problem.

We got a call from some of your neighbors complaining about a disturbance.

We apologize. We're going inside right now.

Do not tell me what to do.

Can we have your security password, please?

Look, it's getting late, so either shoot us or go away.

Fine. We'll just write up a report here and be on our way.

Are you happy, Richard? Now there's a report.

And a report means we'll be in the police blotter.

Petal Huffington reads the police blotter religiously.

It's like heroin to her. You've turned us into the scandal of the neighborhood.

Do you know what, Emily?

If nothing else, this display tonight demonstrates clearly...

that you are no longer the woman I married.

The woman you married was your partner.

You listened to her. You consulted with her. You respected her.

So, you are right, Richard. I am definitely not the woman you married.

- Oh, no. - It's okay.

What happened?

He landed butt first in Taylor's rose bushes.

Oh, poor thing.

Didn't slow him down, though. I managed to tackle him...

as he headed toward the miniature goat pen...

dragged him back here...

threw one of your blankets over him, and there he is.

- He's gonna be fine. - That's good.

So, you were gone for a while.

Huh? Yeah, I just had some things to take care of at home.

- Are you sure he can breathe? - Yeah, I propped his head up. So...

- you okay? - Yes, I'm fine.

Okay, just... Nothing you want to talk about with me...

- My God, we need to take him upstairs. - Lulu can't see me like this.

- But, Kirk... - Lulu can't see me like this!

Okay, she won't. I promise. Can I take a look?

Okay.

- I don't want to take a look. - Well, I'm not looking.

Hey! It's a party.

- What's everybody doing up? - Good timing, Squiggy.

I was just going to check on my loaves and make sure they're rising properly.

The air's a little more humid than I thought it was going to be...

and if the loaves aren't rising properly, then...

- What are you doing? - I need you to look at Kirk's butt.

- Why? - Because he ran into some rose bushes...

and he's got some thorns stuck in it, and I thought of you.

- Why me? - Well, because you're a chef.

- What? - And you have a kid.

- Yes, that's better. You have a kid. - Neither of us has kids.

Well, she does, but it's big and can look at her own butt.

I got this, thanks.

Okay. Well...

Oh. Oh.

I'm gonna need Bactine, antiseptic, and lots of hot towels.

I'll go. I'll be right back.

Hey, Kirk? How are you feeling?

- Is Luke here? - I'm right here, Kirk.

- Sorry I bit you. - It's okay, Kirk.

- They were after me, so I ran away. - Who was after you, honey?

Assassins. He thinks assassins are after him.

They were under my bed in my room.

So I ran and they followed me down the hall, down the stairs...

past Luke and Lorelai kissing, through the yard, over that fence.

The assassins are gone now, Kirk.

- I imagined them? - I think so.

What about Luke kissing Lorelai?

I think you imagined that, too.

They looked so real.

Okay, Kirk, you just settle down and relax, and I'll be right back.

- Oh, my God! - Sookie.

- You kissed? - Yes.

I can't believe she didn't tell me. Why didn't she tell me?

It just happened.

- Luke, that's wonderful! - Thanks.

I can't wait to tell Lorelai it's wonderful.

Could you maybe not say anything for a little while?

Why?

I'm just not so sure she wants this out yet.

What makes you think that?

Do me a favor and keep it to yourself. Let her tell you if she wants to, okay?