Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

This is a 1952 VW Bug in azure blue.

It has a four-cylinder, 25-horsepower engine.

It's called a split-window...

...because the rear window was made in two pieces to save money.

And if like me, you feel that true humility is always in short supply...

...this is the car for you.

- This is Larry speaking. - Hey, man.

- Hey. - Wanna do something?

- Absolutely. - Really? You free?

- Yeah, I can be free. - Wanna grab a quick coffee?

Let's get some coffee.

Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld and this is Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee.

Today my guest is Larry David.

Larry and I have been friends for 30 years and we did a TV series in the '90s.

What the hell, man?

I always loved this car.

- Really? - Always.

You excited?

I wouldn't say I'm excited, but I'm looking forward to it.

My mother used to say to me once a week:

"Larry, why can't you get excited about something?

You're never excited. Nothing excites you.

We're going to the Irvington Hotel in New Jersey.

They have ice skating there. " "No, I'm not excited. "

You know one of your great theories? Each generation gets better-looking.

- Yes, yes. - Yeah, that's really good observance...

...and original thinking.

It's a miracle we ever got any work done...

...because nobody can waste time like you and me.

- Well... - Just waste it.

- It is a miracle, I agree. - It's a miracle.

One of the things that the comedian mindset requires...

- ... is laziness. - Absolutely.

- You don't wanna do real work. - No, no.

I always wanted the show to get canceled so I didn't have to work.

How about this experience? You're having a different experience.

I am having a different experience, that's for sure.

The thing about this car, everybody said you can't get in an accident with it.

- I'll avoid that. - Everybody in college had this car.

Yeah, yeah.

But how about that view down to the road? That's what I love.

- You see the road so well. - You really do.

I don't like the... I don't like driving a stick.

That was very Jewish.

Well, I'm Jewish.

And you know what? I could be described as very Jewish.

- I gotta turn on the wipers. Watch this. - Yeah.

- Holy cow. - Isn't that hilarious?

You have no interest in driving, like, a '52 Hudson or something like that?

No, too big. I like cars that feel like toys.

- I was looking to buy one. - Really?

- Yeah. - When was this?

- This is, like, five years ago. - Five years ago.

I knew it was five years ago.

- It's always five years ago. - Always five years ago.

The lunch at a normal, American restaurant is very problematic for me.

- Piece of fish? Salad? - I don't like to have hot foods for lunch.

- Yeah, a salad, but... - Yeah.

- There's not much in the salad. - What do you love?

- For lunch? - Yeah.

I'll usually have a salad for lunch.

But then I have a protein shake.

And where do you get that?

In a store.

Yeah.

The answer was equally as stupid as the question.

I don't understand that there's nothing you can eat.

People are disturbed by it.

My ex-wife hated it. That's one of the reasons our marriage ended.

- She couldn't take the way you eat? - Because I stopped drinking coffee.

- Right. - She hated it. I said, "What do you care?"

- I had tea in the cup. - Yeah.

She said, "We can't share coffee in the morning. "

I said, "But there's something in my cup.

You can't see into my cup. I'm still sipping, there's still steam coming out of it. "

- Right. I know. - What's the difference?

I ordered soup the other day, somebody said, "That's all you're gonna get?"

What the hell do you care?

Okay, I wanna stop in front of this car here.

This is a Bugatti. That's a B car.

A "B" would drive that car. And, you know, VW makes Bugattis.

So these two cars were made by the same company at different times.

By the way, this Bugatti has 10 radiators, my car doesn't have any.

How is that progress?

All right, let's go eat.

But look at the turn signal.

- Holy mackerel! - It's called a semaphore.

I thought a semaphore was some grammatical notation.

- That's a semicolon. - I'm gonna look that up.

You just made the distance that was acceptable for me to hold that door.

Thank you.

- I would like a cup of coffee. - I'll have an herbal tea.

Do you remember those bowls of cereal I used to eat?

- Still do that? - No.

When did this happen?

- Five years ago? - This is years ago.

See, look. I've got it in a cup. You don't know what it is.

- Well, bully for you. - So if this is tea rather than coffee...

...a person should find that so disturbing?

I'm sorry that you're not gonna like what I'm about to say...

...but I'm afraid your wife has a bit of a point.

- Really? - Yes.

There's a point? Look, I can talk just as well holding this cup...

...as coffee. What's the difference?

- You wanna know the difference? - I do.

We go to an ice cream shop, I get a cone.

And you get a salad.

That's the difference.

You go, "What? I'm eating, you're eating. "

It's the mood.

Who can say what creates mood? Mood is a thing that's just there.

Only reason we know it's there is we feel it.

You're giving me a scientific argument that I can't combat.