Arlo: The Burping Pig

You can get 25 years for this!

Oh!

Oh, cops!

This is it! This is my last stop!

I'll call you after my jog, bro.

Jesus!

Moron!

For sale?

No one's home...

No one's home.

This is Bailey. I do not have eyes on the vase.

I'm at the corner of Oxnard and Bonner.

I lost the vase, sir.

All right!

Hey, Rose family!

Hey, David, good to see you again.

- Good to see you. Hello. - All right. Yeah!

- This is my family. - All right, yeah!

And you must be Ilana.

Ernie Dorko.

Yeah, so nice to meet you.

And you're even better looking than the good doctor said.

Well, thank you. It's nice to meet you, Mr. Dorko.

- Oh, no, no, no, no. Call me, Ernie. - Okay, Ernie.

Yeah, Ernie Dorko's the name, selling houses is my game.

- Okay. - Yeah.

And who are these princesses here?

Uh, well, this is Samantha, Jessica.

- Hi. - Our littlest, Talia.

Yeah, hi, how we doing? Nice to meet you.

Hi, how are you? Good to see you guys.

Hey, you guys want a donut?

Mm.

Fresh!

No, thank you.

No?

Aren't you American?

Just kidding you.

What is this?

Uh, you know, that's, uh, well, you know.

You bought the house, I threw in the vase.

Uh, consider it a housewarming gift.

It's beautiful! Thank you, Ernie.

Hey, don't mention it.

- Thank you. - Well, Doc,

I wanna thank you for giving me your business.

And everybody, say hello to your new house.

- Appreciate it, Ernie. - Okay.

Oh, I got a 2:00, I gotta run.

Anyway, nice to see you guys and if you need my services,

why you just call Big Ern!

And remember, the E is free and the donuts are on me!

Okay, ladies, come on, let's go. Come on.

- Big Ern. - Let's go.

Come on, sweetie.

Watch your step now. Come on in.

Watch your step, everybody.

Watch your step.

Oh, wow! David, it's beautiful.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Just wait'll we slap a coat of paint on that wall over there.

Oh, and honey? Check out the flooring.

Solid oak.

You said I'd get my own room.

Yeah, it's kind of a deal-breaker.

Gee, Dad, thank you so much for providing us

with this wonderful roof over our heads.

Yes, everyone has their own rooms. Check down the hall.

- Awesome! - Mine better be soundproof.

Mine better be geek proof.

I don't like this house! I wanna go back to our old house.

Hey, we talked about this, honey.

Daddy had to take this great new job.

Daddy's the new dentist in town.

I know, I know.

Hey, I had to take it, all right?

We had no choice.

And guess what? You get to have your own bedroom now.

Yeah, you do, because this house is a little bigger

and a little better than the last house.

Samantha and I have to share a bathroom?

- Yes! - That's so not fair!

You know what? I think I have something that's gonna cheer you up,

because you haven't seen the best part of this place yet.

Follow me, okay?

- Come here. - We have a backyard?

Yes, we do!

It's a lot nicer than that slab of concrete back home, right?

Mm-hm.

And you have your very own swing set, baby.

Wow!

Well, what are you waiting for?

I can try it out?

- It's all yours, baby. - Yay!

We're not in Boston anymore.

No, we are not.

I just want the girls to be happy here.

Oh, they're gonna.

It's just gonna take some time.

That's mine!

Jessica, give it back!

Just a little time.

I wish you didn't have to go back.

Me too, baby. I gotta go back there for a couple weeks

and the girls need to start school.

I know, I'm just gonna miss you,

so you better hurry home.

I will, I will. I'm gonna back there,

close down that practice,

say goodbye to my stuffy old partners,

and I'll be back here faster than you can say, "Root canal."

Root canal.

Well, hopefully by then the girls will all be settled in.

Yeah.

Morning, sunshine!

Hey, there, pumpkin!

How did you sleep, huh?

Okay, I guess.

Okay, you guess, come here.

Hey, Jess!

Jessica. Hello.

Jessica!

- Good morning. - Yeah, okay, what?

No earbuds at the table.

- Ow! - Sorry!

Watch where you're going!

Let's not read at breakfast.

Why are you even reading anyways?

School hasn't started.

Oh, you know, to learn stuff.

Like did you know that an entire starfish

can regrow from just one arm?

Can you regrow an entire sister?

Mom, Dad, are you sure we're related?

- Sometimes I wonder. - Can we please just be nice?

As a favor to me, would you do that?

I'm not gonna see you guys for a couple weeks, all right?

Today's a big day for all of us.

A very big day. You guys get to see your new schools.

Go get 'em, ladies!

- I gotta get to the airport. - Okay.

- I'm gonna miss you, Daddy. - You'll miss me?

Oh, I'll miss you too, all right?

Hey, look. You call me whenever you want, okay?

- Okay. - Alright, bye.

- Have a safe trip, Dad. - Hey, mm.

And don't worry about a thing.

I will keep an eye on the place while you're gone.

That's what I'm worried about.

Come here, come here.

Listen to me, no wild parties while I'm gone.

Unless your mom throws 'em, okay?

All right? Just give her a break, okay?

Hey!

I'll see you soon, okay? Two weeks, alright?

- Okay, two weeks. - Bye, good luck!

Thanks.

Bye, ladies.

So can I stay over at Marcia's tonight?

All the girls are doing it.

It's like Susie and Robin, Becky and me.

- Who are these people? - Uh, they go to my school.

And they're also on the cheerleading team.

- They're super cool. - Well, wait, wait.

How do you even know them? We just moved here.

Facebook. So can I go?

I'll see, it'd be nice to meet their parents.