Hot Tub Time Machine 2

Whose fucking phone is on?

We're going to just touch you up.

- Okay, Mr. Dorchen? - Hey.

Do I need nipple rouge?

Can we get... I don't...

Do I need any nipple rouge?

Yeah. Touch up his nipples, please.

What kind of brush is that? Is that rabbit fur?

Lou Dorchen, the legendary lead singer

of metal supergroup Motley Lue,

who burst onto the world stage out of nowhere

to become the very definition of a rock god.

Livin' the dream with high school sweetheart Kelly Dorchen.

So how did the ultimate party animal get the inspiration

to build the most innovative, forward-thinking

tech company in the world?

I don't have to tell you where I got my inspiration from, first of all.

Because that's called "intellectual property"

and I can copyright that shit.

Just like I copyrighted the word "well,"

so you can't even say "well" without paying me money.

- Well... - You owe me money.

Lou Dorchen's best friend is yet another

American success story, music mogul Nick Webber.

Ever since I wrote Let's Get It Started back in '86,

I've been on a roll.

MMMBop, triple platinum.

A lot of stations still playin' Gin and Juicey Juice.

You Oughta Know. Feelin' Like Teen Spirit.

I guess you could say I take from a lot of artists.

Take my inspiration from a lot of artists.

I don't...

I don't take their stuff.

That's... Who would do that?

- Yeah. Ask me anything. - Okay.

How's your relationship with your father?

I don't want to talk about that.

Still struggling to find his own place in the world,

Jacob Dorchen comments on his father's game-changing innovation.

He didn't invent Goo... Lougle.

He couldn't invent his way out of a fucking paper bag.

And that's... That's not a turn of phrase,

that's anecdotal evidence.

He got caught in a giant paper bag a couple weeks ago.

Adam... Adam Yates. Yes, he rounds out

our Three Musketeerposse.

He made it real big with his bestselling novel,

Jacuzzi Timelord.

But Adam, he's off on an experiential journey.

I got a feeling we'll see him again.

I got a feeling.

Just came to me.

One fateful ski trip in 1986

seemed to kick-start their lives into high gear.

But what was it like to grow up

alongside these future stars?

We turned to high school pal, Gary Winkle.

I bet you guys didn't know that I was supposed to go on that trip, huh?

I stood outside all day,

but they never showed. Left me hanging.

You know what I got that weekend?

Chlamydia from the batting cages.

My best buddies go up the mountain as regular Joes.

Come down fucking rich. I mean, how did that happen?

I mean, at the end of the day,

I'm just a simple guy like you

who had a couple of great ideas

that happen to make him a bunch of money. That's it.

I mean, how was I supposed to know

that it would change the fabric of our existence? I couldn't.

You know, I couldn't, unless I had some sort of...

Cut! Let's reset. Do it again.

One word, Nick. Fucking amazing...

Don't fuck with my groove, Terry.

- Hey, Nick. - Youngblood.

Rip off any pop stars lately?

For your information, today I recorded an original piece.

Really?

Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song.

Well, as much of it as I could remember.

The lyrics I made up were original.

Listen, Nick, I get it. You don't have any natural talent.

All I know is that hot tub made me a king.

It's my duty to live up to the throne.

All right, I can't see you right now,

but I'm gonna assume you're putting "king" and "throne" in quotes.

What do you want?

Hey, Nick, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a dick.

Are you coming to Lou's party?

I gotta talk to Courtney. I'm... I don't know.

- How is Courtney? - You know.

Oh, really? Still fighting?

Why don't you just write her a Josh Groban song?

Hello?

Oh, shit!

Cocaine!

Fuck me!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

Don't fucking sneak up on me like that, huh?

Knock on something.

You took most of the doors out and put beads up, Lou.

What am I supposed to fucking knock on?

What do you want?

Put it down! What do you want, a round of applause?

"Thank you, Jacob, for making sure we don't starve to death.

"Even though this is completely ridiculous

"and inappropriate, what we're doing." You're welcome, Mom and Dad.

I'm just happy that you guys are happy.

The fuck are you still doing here?

Today's my birthday, by the way.

Happy Birthday!

- Oh, thanks, Mom. - Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I got you... I got you something. It'll be here tomorrow via FedEx.

Right.

Daddy's little buddy is turning into Daddy's big buddy.

I'm going to help you out. It's not really my birthday.

Do you know what day it is?

Okay.

Enjoy your shit.

The sooner you choke to death on it, the sooner I get all this.

Any other questions, or is this interview over?

Don't let the lack of a door hit you on the way out.

He just gets me so mad.

So, who is he?

That's my butler.

And our son, consequently.

Oh, my God, right.

Lisa Loeb?

Oh, my God. I can't believe Nick Webber knows

the name of the cat wrangler.

Yeah. Crazy, right?

You know, I just have to tell you, I really love this song so much.

It feels so personal.

It's almost... Violating.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah!

Nailed it!

All rise!

Penis Court is now in session!

The honorable Judge Lou Dorchen presiding.

Mr. Dorchen, could we get this board meeting started?

Yeah. Brad, do your thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, Lougle is at a crossroads.

We did it, guys! We got to the crossroads!

Our competitors, Lycos and GeoCities, are crushing us.

Those guys are fucking nerds, Brad.

What about Yahoo, huh? Where are they?

Yahoo? What's Yahoo?

Exactly.

As your head of R&D, I have to tell you

that Lougle cannot continue down this path.

Well, that's why I moved us to New Orleans, Brad,

the Silicon Valley of the South.

Shit! Shit! Susan, look, turn around.

Turn around, right now! Susan, quick, quick, quick!

I'm not going to look, Lou.

Susan, I promise it's not a dick and balls this time.

I swear to God. Look, look, look!

Dick and balls! You looked at a dick and balls!

I burned you.

I can't believe I let you talk me into joining this sinking ship.

I was one of Engineering Quarterly's "30 Under 30."

Really?

I was on track to be "20 Under 40,"

but now I'm "Zero Under Fuck Me"!

You fucked me, Lou.

You fucked my whole life.

My brother works at the NSA and I work for a madman.

Mad Man is a great show.

Sometimes I wish I could just...

Okay, okay. Looks like you're hungry for an idea.

So why doesn't Uncle Lou give you guys a little taste, huh?

If you combine the right amounts of nitrotrinadium

with specifically heated water in a specialized basin,

you get the elements necessary for time travel!

Boom! Shotgun to the dick!

I'm gonna be in the lab, trying to save this company.

Yeah!

Why are all these people here? Are we having another seance?

Yeah.

Every day's a seance, baby. Every day's a seance.

I fucking hate you so much, Lou.

I fucking hate you, too, baby.

Courtney, it's not a big deal.

Well, maybe it's not a big deal to you,

but she's my only sister, and we never go visit her.

- It's the Grammys. - It's always the Grammys.

It's not always the Grammys. Sometimes it's the Grammys.

Wow. Look at you.

Every fucking year, Lou?

Hey, enough with this dad stuff. Call me Lou.

Why do I have to pretend to be your butler?

You are my butler.

No, Lou, just 'cause my room's near the bar

and I'm good at receiving guests and...

Holy fuck, I'm your butler.

Wait. Hey, Lou, what do you think about,

maybe this summer, you know, I come work with you at Lougle?

Listen, this is what I'll do for you, okay?

If we ever come up with a division where