The Right Kind of Wrong

I've been writing a blog about how much you suck.

What's it called?

"Why You Suck dot net."

- It's a clear title. - Are you gonna read it?

- Nope. - Our friends think it's hilarious.

If you don't read it, I won't just email it with a password to people we know.

- I'll make it public. - Go nuts, Jules.

Stuff it up your blog.

Love dies. All of it.

Which is why you should never give your cats names

like Snow and Balls.

Because when she leaves...

you'll get Balls.

No one was more surprised than me.

Believe me.

"Why You Suck" has become the template for people

asking themselves: is their partner wrong for them?

Tell me about the moment you realized

that your husband was that for you.

Well, I sold real estate,

so that he could write, and I hated it.

But, you know, I believed in him.

And everyday I would climb to the top of this mountain

to watch the sunset.

And then, one day, when I was standing up there

I realized that I had never done it with him.

He was afraid of heights.

And it was my favorite thing,

and we'd never once shared it.

Hmm. Heartbreaking.

- Clarity. - What does Leo think of all of this?

- Oh, he's still never read it. - Do you really believe that?

- Believe it. - Yes!

He has this amazing ability to just ignore criticism...

which, you know, I admired at first.

And then I came to see it as his worst trait.

What does make him angry? He was the writer.

I have news, Jules,

writing a blog does not make you a writer.

- Speaking of, you have some news. - Yes, I do.

Uh, next month Random House

is releasing "Why You Suck," the book.

Congratulations.

That's amazing.

- I know. It's incredible. - Did you ever expect?

No. Never in my wildest dreams.

Dad wanted us to come over. We're supposed to say,

because "We think you're cool, like an uncle."

But we won't lie to you, and tell you: "Don't watch Julie

on TV and want to kill yourself again."

I never wanted to kill myself.

Hey, there's a wedding!

Wow! They look rich.

We could make fun of their need to display that.

Ravi and Pia are gifted,

which sounds cool, but really,

you don't want kids to be too clever.

- A grown man in pajamas? - I know! It's embarrassing.

- Hey, I could teach you to throw. - Like you know!

You throw like a g...

No, mine!

- Gimme, gimme! - Get off!

- He said I throw like a girl! - Well, you are a girl.

Here's how you throw a football!

For Ravi, that punt fixed in his mind

an ideal of the woman he wanted to marry one day.

Pia, a firm believer in role models,

saw the woman she wanted to become.

And me, I just knew...

All right! You guys gotta go home now.

Leo's other worst trait was unrealistic dreams.

Things that would just...

take hold of him all of a sudden.

Absurd things. Impossible things.

Things that everyone...

Colette, Danny...

you have given and pledged your promises to each other

and have declared your everlasting love by exchanging the rings.

- Who you rooting for? Bride or groom? - Groom.

I volunteer at his camp for kids.

I also managed his fan-mail when he skied at the Olympics.

Hmm.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

- Shove over. - You may kiss the bride.

- It's like a fairy tale! - Oh, for Christ's sake.

What the hell is she thinking?!

I thought she was knocked up when she told me

they were getting married.

It's just so fast! 4 months?

It's a rebellion.

Other kids dream of bucking the stranglehold

of middle-class convention. But Colette?

Ah, some little part of her always wanted in.

Oh.

She got in, all right.

As his boss, I can tell you that Danny

is a terrific attorney.

But as his dad, as his father,

I can tell you how proud I am of Camp Awesome Times...

Aw...

the camp he founded for underprivileged kids...

Get to the part where he meets the girl! That's what they came for.

Ha. No, thanks. Don't smoke. Get paranoid.

Lovely, isn't she?

What makes you think that this, and this...

isn't what she really wants?

The roses.

She hates roses. Hates flowers, period.

Except sunflowers.

If I'd seen sunflowers when I came here, maybe I'd believe this.

- So why's she doing it? - Issues with her mother.

Her dad was this handsome war journalist.

Also her mom's professor. Also a complete shit.

When Colette was 10,

her mom stole the money he was hiding from the government

and took her to live in a hotel in London.

They biked in Hyde Park, went to the theater...

Not that she remembers those times.

What does she remember?

Sneaking out of the hotel in the middle of the night when the cash ran out.

Ah, she'll never forgive me.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Troy Cooper.

This is Troy Garnet.

Troy!

We've been best friends with Danny since junior nationals.

Danny and I made the Olympic team, Garnet didn't.

But, you know, while we got to ski all over the world,

you got to hang out in your parents' basement and smoke hash.

Um, what I wanted to get to,

what I wanted to say to you, Colette:

you are so lucky to be with a man like Danny.

Danny, I love you.

Hi.

Your mom thinks you rushed into this.

- Ugh! - Mothers.

- They're so often right. - Not mine.

I'm sorry, who are you?

- Leo Palamino. - Hi, Leo.

Do you want to get a coffee sometime?

Or a drink?

Dance? Charcuterie plate?

Everyone's big into those these days.

This is my wedding.

We all have baggage.

Sorry.

I got cornered by some guys I haven't seen since Dartmouth.

Hey!

- Glad you could make it. - Hmm.

Obviously the guest list is a little lopsided.

- I blame this lone wolf. - He's not your friend?

Never seen him before in my life.

Not true.

Last year you chased me up 17th. I lost you in the alley.

You're the guy. You keyed my car!

- Your Hummer. Yes. - You had a Hummer?

Just for a few months.

You have to be kind of a dick to drive a Hummer.

And you should not be with a dick.

You should be with me.

This is a joke, right?

No.

- God! - Holy shit, that hurt!

That guy just hit on my wife!

Garnet, Cooper, stop him!

Get that guy!

Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

Ah! The Troys.

I think I'm gonna kick him. Really wail on him, if that's cool.

Dude, I'm a lawyer. I don't think we should kick him.

Danny, come on! We have the moral high ground here.

I feel like you guys just need to make a decision.

Wait, people have pointed this guy out to me.

Wasn't your wife the real estate chick who wrote the blog?

Ex.

- Didn't she get a book deal, too? - Bro, that's gotta hurt.

Nothing like he's gonna hurt when I pulverize him. Piece of shit!

Cooper, stop!

He's been kicked enough.

Just get off our property.

I know you miss Snow.

But you gotta get yourself together.

And Balls?

For the first time,

I know it's possible.

Huh.

That guy's wife wrote the blog.

I know. Can you believe he kept doing this dead-end job?

Julie's blog meant there were no shortage

of strongly-felt opinions about my choices.

Usually, I tell them off.

At least for their lame attempt at hushed tones.

But... not today.

'Morning, kitchen.

'Morning, Leo.

Is this some weird calm before the storm...

before you really freak out?

- Julie's book deal. - No. Not gonna freak out.

You wanna know why?

I met someone.

Ah.