Lopez

Today I spoke on the phone with promoters in Las Vegas.

They want to give you a residency show.

Vegas!

It's an oasis in the middle of the desert

where all your problems evaporate.

Thank you, everybody!

You're gonna be doing eight shows a week...

for the next three years!

Minimum, you're gonna be doing this

for the rest of your life.

Manolo, it's horrible, dude.

Every day for the last six months,

I take the same elevator from my suite

down to the main floor.

And then I walk to the same casino into the same theater

and I-- and I do the same damn show.

No-- no variations. They-- they don't want that.

And then when I'm done, I--

I take the same elevator back to my suite.

I'm like a Mexican gerbil trapped in an Anglo Habitrail.

I might not see sun, Manolo.

I might not even breathe fresh air all day.

The monotony, it-- it's killing me.

It's killing me.

That's terrible.

You're an artist. You need to be stimulated.

Yes, thank you, Manolo.

Donald Trump is president, man, I got things to say.

Man, I wish you were in Vegas with me.

Me too, jefe.

Well, actually, anywhere out of jail would be better.

Manolo, you violated parole for me, man.

I'm never gonna forget that.

I would do it again, but this time

I probably wouldn't post pictures on Facebook.

You know, the-- the 48 hours that I've been in L.A., dude,

I feel like I'm on parole, like I can finally breathe.

Wrap it up. Visitation is over!

Oh, man.

I've gotta get you outta here.

I mean, you can't-- you can't live like this.

Oh, hell no!

Hey, what are you doing here?!

Get the hell outta here! Nobody wants you here.

You better go.

Damn. You better walk, bitch.

Damn, dude, it's like somebody's wife and girlfriend

just met for the first time.

Oh, he's not married. That's my roommate, Hector.

He has all kinds of females visiting him all the time.

Uh, Manolo, listen, you're in lockup.

They don't call 'em roommates, all right?

They're called cell mates.

You're in jail, you're not at UCLA.

George Lopez!

Mommy?

Hey, she says hi.

Uhh...

**

Ohh...

Oh, my God! This meal!

This food is so good.

You don't get food like this in Las Vegas.

I'm on a new diet where I'm allowed to eat anything I want,

but only for 90 minutes a day.

Studies with mice have shown that it improves mental acuity,

builds muscle mass, and improves reflexes.

In mice? Mm-hmm, try me.

Hey, it's so fun connecting with you while you're back in L.A.

Yeah. And I'm gonna be in Vegas next week, so...

Yeah, you know what, the San Francisco Giants

are playing the Dodgers next week.

Okay. Yeah, I love it

when we play the Giants at Dodgers Stadium.

Man, hey, you think we'll get Manolo sprung by then?

I could work on that.

My uncle's a judge and--

and if Manolo wears long sleeves to the parole hearing,

he should be just fine. That's fantastic.

I love seeing Manolo intimidate that Giant fan.

Stared him down. Can't wait.

I bet you can't wait...

to hear all about the game when Manolo calls you

while you're in Vegas?

Yeah, that's why I thought we should have lunch, Olly.

I'm not going back to Vegas.

That was good. George...

you have to go back to Vegas.

You have a contract. So?

Pete Carroll had a contract. Nick Saban had a contract.

I don't know what those names mean.

Those names mean I'm not going back to Vegas.

Olly, you can always get out of a contract.

But George, you begged me to get you that residency.

Sheila and I got it for you.

Yes, of course, Olly, you did great.

All right, and if I could go back to Las Vegas, I would.

But listen, the monotony of those shows

and the same thing every night,

it's-- it's crushing my creative soul.

I get it. But this is a big deal.

We need to talk to Danny.

Shouldn't you have your imaginary assistant schedule that meeting?

If you're referring to Tajim, she's on leave.

Maternity leave. But she sends her love. Oh.

Okay, 3:00 at Four Arts.

Beautiful, hey, what are the four arts anyways?

And the fourth art-- singing.

'Cause you can't rep Sting, Rihanna,

Sia and Miley...

if you aren't gonna give 'em an art, right?

That's right.

I remember when it was just one art.

Stand-up comedy, it was me

and that prop comedian Pickles.

Pickles.

I think he's in Branson, that dude.

I have George Lucas for you.

Oh, please, he's gonna bitch about "Star Wars."

Make a guy a billionaire, he never forgives you.

I'll return. I'm with George Lopez.

Don't put anyone through.

Course.

Anyway, George, so good you're here.

Thanks. Woodwind & Associates,

they are happy with you.

Hey, next time I'm in Vegas,

we should play golf with the CEO, Mr. Hing.

What a great guy.

I mean, it helps if you speak Mandarin

or you're into prostitutes, but he is a great guy.

He sounds fun, but here's the thing, Danny.

George doesn't want to go back to Vegas.

He wants out of that contract.

Really, George?

Is it the money?

Because we shook that tree pretty hard.

No, Danny, it's not about the money.

I-- I just can't...

I just can't go back to that same casino

and do the same show.

Danny, I do it till I'm so numb,

I don't even know what I'm doing.

Well, of course. George, what do you want?

Tell me. That's why I'm here.

Ah, great, well, I have an idea for a new show.

It's a one-hour.

You know, it's-- it's a one-hour.

It takes place in the Valley,

like a valley that no one has ever seen.

Like my side of the Valley.

I think that sounds very interesting.

Yeah, and he's an ex-cop and he's edgy.

It's something completely unexpected from me.

Wow, well, we have our marching orders.

We're gonna get you that show, right, Olly?

Right, 100%. All you gotta do,

go back to Vegas, do your show.

While you're doing that, we'll lay the groundwork

for "Lopez," ex-cop show.

Well, here's the thing, Danny, I'm not going back, okay?

I refuse to go back.

You're just gonna have to get me out of this contract.

Listen, George,

when we started working together,

I promised to protect your interests.

I also knew, sometimes I'd have to protect you against yourself.

Wait a minute, from myself?

What-- I'm the problem?

I hope not.

Listen, Danny, I think this show--

it would be a great show, it's--

George. It--

Nobody wants that show for you.

Well, yeah, of course not.

Not if they never hear it.

Listen, George, you won.

That residency show was your golden handshake.

Your ride into the sunset.

And the money will just keep rolling in.

Enjoy it.

I don't want to ride into the sunset, Danny.

I still want to create.

I think this show can be important.

I think this show can highlight important issues

in the Latin community.

George, you're talking about a premium channel

one-hour show.

I can't get you that.

Well, here's the thing.

You don't have to get it for me.

I'll get it, I just need you

to get me in the room and just back me up.

You couldn't get a half-hour sitcom now, George.

To do that, you have to be... relevant.

Wow. Uh, well, relevant, wow.

So you're saying that I'm irrelevant?

To the studios and networks, yes.

So what am I supposed to do, Danny, quit? Disappear?

You're supposed to go back to Vegas...